WHAT THIS EPISODES ABOUT…
Hello I am Shauna Hoffman.
I had promised that we would have Acupuncturist and Chinese medicine doctor Andra Millian back this week to discuss putting together your wellness team. But due to the heartache our country is in right now over the murder of George Floyd podcasters around the world are staging a blackout. You can find it at #podcastblackout. I thought for a very long time about which direction I would take in order to stand in solidarity with black lives matter knowing that many of my listeners may not be in agreement. The answer came to me when I realized that the best podcast I could do today was one on the self awareness of where our own personal loves, likes, morals, ethics, values, fears and prejudices come from. This podcast is about self awareness. And there is nothing I think I could do more than help each of my listeners dig deep into their thoughts and values to see if they hold true for who you are in the deepest part of your hearts. And more importantly, who you want to be. Thank you for taking this journey with me today. Remember my saying… when we make the subconscious conscious it can go away.
Listen in…
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…
• Guy Free Podcast: https://guyfree.com
• Guy Free Facebook Group: https://guyfreeworkingonme.com
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com
WHEN DOES IT AIR…
June 06, 2020
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
Hello I am Shauna Hoffman.
I had promised that we would have Acupuncturist and Chinese medicine doctor Andra Millian back this week to discuss putting together your wellness team. But due to the heartache our country is in right now over the murder of George Floyd podcasters around the world are staging a blackout. You can find it at #podcastblackout. I thought for a very long time about which direction I would take in order to stand in solidarity with black lives matter knowing that many of my listeners may not be in agreement. The answer came to me when I realized that the best podcast I could do today was one on the self awareness of where our own personal loves, likes, morals, ethics, values, fears and prejudices come from. This podcast is about self awareness. And there is nothing I think I could do more than help each of my listeners dig deep into their thoughts and values to see if they hold true for who you are in the deepest part of your hearts. And more importantly, who you want to be. Thank you for taking this journey with me today. Remember my saying… when we make the subconscious conscious it can go away.
Over and over on this podcast I remind us that when we are children we are programmed by those around us. We are taught our values by the family that brings us up and the town we live in and the people that share our lives with us. When I work with adults in private practice with me the most glorious part of their breakthroughs come when they find their own truths and are able to let go of what others have made them believe was the only way to think, behave or be. So today I hope you will look deep into your own hearts to see what fears you may have that are creating prejudice beliefs in you, where they come from and do they honor the you that is who you are today. There is something called MultiGenerational Learning. It means that there is a learning that is passed down from generation to generation. Judgmental beliefs about other people’s cultures, religions and the color of their skin, seem to be the hardest learning cycle to break. It is wrapped up in a need to feel superior to others. It is wrapped up in fear.
As the course in miracles says there is only love and fear. I believe in the presence of love all fear goes away. Prejudice is an extremely hateful form of fear. Let me explain. When you are prejudice against some ethnicity or religion or person’s lifestyle it stems from an underlying fear that if you acknowledge them or accept them then you are giving up something. When it comes to Black Lives Matter it stems from a fear that by empowering blacks as equals the status quo of white society will be threatened. When you are prejudice against the LGBQT society there is a fear that their choices to love one another is somehow a threat to your belief system. When you are prejudice against another religion it is a bold statement that your religion is the only way to true spirituality or to God. All of these come from some level of fear. Our job in true self awareness is to dig so deep so that we can unearth what our fear is. So that we can see why we think this way. So we can one day come from love for all beings. That is not some woo woo spiritualist talk. It is the core of humanity, looking at who we are and what we need to become.. to truly find peace. It is what every brilliant philosopher, and religious leader has taught from Buddha to Christ. Love one another.
For today, I think that the best way for me to help you look into your feelings around racial equality and prejudice is for me to share my personal path to who I am today. What formed my own belief system. And maybe it will help you look back at your life and see what experiences or teaching shaped the way you look at people of color. Or if you are a person of color who is listening, what you learned and still believe about White People.
Then lastly, I will help you look at how to have these deep conversations with those you love. We need change in our world, in our country. We need dialogue. And if that dialogue right now is between you and me then I am honored. And if you take it from this podcast to your family and friends then the world may be a better place.
I grew up in a suburb on the North Shore of Chicago. When I was in 4th grade busing of black children into predominately white neighborhoods began. I remember the first day that school bus pulled up and let off about 30 African American children. I was fascinated and excited to meet new kids to play with! Then I saw how much fear they had in their eyes. I look back now and I can’t imagine how scary this must have been for them. So I made it my job to welcome as many as I could! At lunch I would hang out with them and learn their names. I showed them all around the school and more importantly the playground! That year I made friendships that would last through all my school years. One day I asked my mom if my friend Deirdre could spend the night. “Of course” she said. It never even occurred to me to tell her that Deirdre was black. I didn’t see her color. I only saw that I had one of the best friends I could have and I wanted my family to meet her. When I took her home after school that day the surprise in my mom’s face was unavoidable. And then her huge loving smile took over as she welcomed Deirdre into our home. You see, my mom was a Holocaust survivor. Her family was killed for being Jewish… different… a threat to the Nazis in some way. But when she came out of the war she came out with love for all humanity. The reason I did not see color was because of my mom. She did not see race, or religion or sexuality as separate from who she was. And that is what she taught her children. That’s where I learned my values about people who were seemingly different from me. I remember when I was 8 years old there was a Gay couple living in our apartment building. My mom had them over all the time with the freedom to show their love for one another as they held hands so dearly. So, I never saw that as wrong. I only saw two people loving each other.
When I brought Deirdre home from school that day, all my mom saw was two little girls that adored each other. And that day she enforced in my values that we are not different. That value was tested and tested on me as I grew up. My high school was huge. It was split into 4 wings, North, South East and West. It was the 70’s and prejudice in our town was still very strong… sadly as it is today in so much of our country. So even though we had kids of all races going to the same big school they had separated out a majority of the black children and put them together in one school. South. They said that it was based on where each child lives. Today I am not so naive to believe that. They had their classes together and we had ours. It perpetuated this prejudice even in an integrated school system! When I look back on it, it also makes me wonder if the education they were given was equal to that in the other three schools. It was more of them versus us. Even though Deirdre and I had gone to the same primary and secondary schools leading up to high school, we were then separated.
It was in high school that I saw hatred and prejudice come to life. Not only to the blacks. But to the gay and lesbian children and to the Jews. I was Jewish in a town that was the seat of the Women’s Christian Temperance League. The first time I really experienced it was when all the Christian boys and girls were invited to join this thing called Cotillion. It was this amazing dance class on Saturday nights where all the girls wore gloves and dresses and the boys wore suits and they learned how to waltz.
The only reason we invited to join is because my Mom was friends with the teachers. So there we were, the only jews allowed in. I felt awkward. I felt the eyes on me. I was a kid that only wanted to learn to dance, yet I was made to feel like an outsider and not one of them. And that is when I learned what prejudice was. It was power. It was hate. And it hurt. And in that moment I flashed back on that day that the bus first came in to my fourth grade class. And I knew in my heart the fear those children must have felt. Because I felt it.
Today I was speaking to one of my best friends. I told her that what is going on in our country with Blacks being killed just because they are black, hearing about the injustices again in our judicial system, police force and society made me have nightmares about the Holocaust. And she said something so profound. Today, if like in WW2 all Jews had to wear Yellow Stars everyone would know who we were. And we would feel the prejudice from some people. But because we are white, we can be who we are without anyone knowing it as we walk down the street. But people of color don’t have that. Their beautiful color and race shines for all the world to see. And sadly that holds true for all of the haters, whether they are neighbors, police officers, politicians or other children in their own school.
Now all of my family upbringing was not prejudice free when it came to Black Lives. I remember one time in my teens I was in NY with an Aunt. We were hailing down a cab. And one pulled up in front of us and a Black woman jumped in and grabbed it. I remember saying to my Aunt, “I can’t believe that lady took our cab!” And she very pointedly said to me “Blacks are not Ladies. They are women but not ladies.” I was shocked and horrified by that statement! And it hit me that she really believed that. And I then knew that she would teach her kids that same thing. And that is how prejudice is taught from generation to generation. I called her out on that statement that day. But I knew it would not make a difference. To break the multi-generational learning her kids need to speak up and choose to see that Black Lives Matter and that Beautiful Black Woman are Ladies.
I talked about fear at the beginning of this podcast and how it perpetuates prejudice and hate. So I am now going to share a story with you that I know had a profound impact on me. When I was a child my grandparents housekeeper, Ruby, took us to a park in NY. When I went into a large play tunnel I was attacked by a group of black children. I got out and ran crying into Ruby’s arms. She too, was black. She held me and comforted me and made me feel safe. And I know that being able to run into a black woman’s arms is what took the COLOR out of that scenario for me. I wasn’t made afraid of black children. I was made afraid of tunnels.
Our experiences as children and what we are taught as children is what creates our morals ethics and values. I was lucky to have been taught to see people for who they are in their souls not what they look like.
Where you were brought up also has a huge influence on your beliefs around racism and those people and cultures that surround you. People from the south who are fighting years of black slave mentality have been taught different values than those in the north. In the North, People from cultures that have a history of racism have the same challenges. Older generations have been taught prejudice so differently than the youth of today with mixed couples and mixed families. Every one of you listening has a different story to tell and a different set of learning around other races, religions and sexual orientation.
So, ladies, now it’s your turn. Can you look into your childhood experiences and conditioning and see what created your belief system around people who are not like you? And since today is about Black Lives Matter, can you think for a bit about what you were taught about people of color? I don’t want you to be judgmental of yourself. Truthfully I don’t want you to think you need to defend your self or your beliefs. I am hoping that what you will do is see what you truly believe in your heart as opposed to what you were taught. Or even more importantly what those in your life now want you to believe. The journey to genuine self is just that. I need to you find what is genuine for you, in your heart and in your soul. And if that means that you dig deep and find prejudice beliefs or feelings of superiority over another race all I ask is for you to acknowledge it. Then I will ask you to see if those beliefs work in conjunction with your other values, or if they contradict them. Do they contradict your feelings of love for humanity? Do they contradict your religious teachings? Do they contradict your heart? That is what genuine self is. Once you acknowledge it you can decide if that is a value you are willing to look at, acknowledge and change. Remember what I say, “when you make the subconscious conscious it can go away.”
Take some time, pause this podcast journal if you like as we ask a few questions. If you are a person of color ask yourself these exact same questions and substitute “White people” in the questions. Again, since we are talking today about equality for Blacks I am going to direct these questions. But you can do this over and over and ask yourself the same questions about Asians, or Latinos, any race that is not yours. Or, dig deep about other religions than yours, people of other cultures and countries than yours. Or, people of different sexual orientation than you.
Now take a nice deep breath. Release it, release your fears of looking deep within. Join me now.
In honor of Black Lives Matter please ask yourself these questions. I suggest you pause the podcast to think and feel deeply about the answers. You can even do this work over a few days if you need to. Writing down your answers will be enormously helpful for you to reflect on later. So pause me after each question if you can.
1. What did your mom, dad or family teach you about black people? What did they reinforce in your thinking? Were they stereotypes of the black culture? Black intelligence? Black abilities?
2. What words did they use to describe people of color? Were they derogatory? Were they generalizations?
3. Were you taught that they should be treated equal to you?
4. Were you taught that they were dangerous?
5. Were you taught that you are better than they are?
6. Were you taught that you should socialize with them, or not?
7. What was your first experience with a person of color? Or if you are a person of color, what was your first experiences as a child with a white person? Was it positive? Negative? Was it influenced by the people of your race that you were with?
9. Do you live in an area where prejudice is the norm?
Now look at some of the relationships you had with people of a different race than your own.
1. Did you make friends with them?
2. Did you work with them? Were you their boss or were they your boss? What did that mean for you?
3. Did you date people of another race? What were you taught about interracial marriage? Really think about that one!
4. Were any of them your teachers? Your neighbors? Your police officers? Your clergy? Your housekeepers? Your nannies?
Really take a look at the hierarchy and roles that people of another race took in your childhood. And see if you can identify how that affected your belief system.
What were you taught about your own race?
1. Did your parents use derogatory words or phrases about your own race?
2. Were you taught that you are better from others in any way?
3. What were you taught about your race’s intelligence?
4. Were you taught about your race’s athletic abilities?
5. Were you taught about your race’s beauty?
6. Were you taught about your races morals and beliefs?
7. Were you taught about your race’s ability to succeed in life?
Now I need you to dig deep. I need you to ask yourself these same questions and see if that programming stuck. And if any of those thoughts or beliefs you are willing to change? Truly you may have remnants of some of these beliefs that you are not even aware of. Please be kind to yourself as you ask these questions. And then please be honest if you are willing to change any. And most importantly if any of these negative beliefs you are not willing to change… please ask yourself why.
Now I am going to ask you the same questions but differently.
1. What stereotypes of the black culture and race do you still believe? Can you really think about stereotypes and see if you still have those thoughts in your mind or heart.
2. What do you now believe about Black intelligence? Black abilities?
3. What words do you use to describe people of color? Are they derogatory? Are they generalizations? Do they change if you are angry or upset about a situation?
4. Do you believe that people of a different race or culture or religion than you should be treated equal to you? Have equal jobs? Get paid the same?
5. Tough question… Do you treat people of other races equal to you? In your lives? On your block? Passing you on the street?
6. Do you believe any race or religion is dangerous to you?
7. Do you believe that you are better than they are? You can fill in the blank as to who THEY are.
8. Do you believe that you should socialize with them, or not?
If you are a parent… what are you teaching your children?
Ladies this is some very deep work. You will undoubtedly find that you have programming in your mind that you were unaware of. You may find that some of this programing you hear in your subconscious and fight every day! That is such an interesting concept. As we know our brains are computers. So some negative racially inappropriate thoughts may pop into your head and then you shut them down immediately. I have even said to myself, where the hell did THAT come from? That is normal. It takes so long to get years and years of multigenerational programming out of our thoughts. Peace will always come when you choose to shut down a hateful thought and come from love.
You may find that you don’t have these feelings unless you are in a situation that causes you to be afraid. And this does not only mean afraid for your physical life. But maybe you are afraid for a job you are up for, or a person you want to date who does not choose you. We tend to resort back to our negative cruel thinking when we are SEEMINGLY threatened. It is truly the MOST important time in our lives to become self aware and choose once again.
This process is a long one. It is ongoing. Once you start to become aware of your prejudices or feelings of superiority it can bring up a lot for you.You may get angry at the people who taught these beliefs to you. I offer you a peaceful way out. Have conversations with them. Talk to them about how they came to those conclusions. Talk to them about how it makes them feel superior to feel that way and treat others the way they do. Remember they had generations of programming behind them, too. Help them. And most importantly live true to your own belief systems.
I don’t usually ask you to share my podcasts. But today I am. Please share this podcast with as many people as you can. Our world needs to change.
We are all on a journey to becoming the best humans that we can be. Everyone. Be kind to each other, listen to one another, talk to one another. If we can each do this work in our own hearts then we can begin the healing.
Thank you, Ladies, for listening today. This was a profound podcast for me to share. Thank you for letting me into your lives and I look forward to popping into your lives again next week.