WHAT THIS EPISODES ABOUT…
Hi Everyone, I’m Shauna Hoffman
Welcome to Guy Free, Working On Me. The last episode was pretty profound for so many people, including me. The feedback that I have gotten as to the soul searching it brought up for my listeners has been eye opening for all of us. I hope that as we fly through these episodes you continue to dig deep into your thoughts and beliefs, morals, ethics and values. For that is the true path to Self Awareness.
But what good is our new found values, opinions, thoughts and desires if we as woman are afraid to use our voice and share it with the world?
I find myself in therapy constantly trying to empower women to share their voices. In my book I talk about the Adaptive Child State in all of us. It is a side of our personalities that woman have been made to embrace for thousands of years. It is the side of us that adapts our needs and wants to do what others desire versus what we desire. We become adaptive to their needs, their dreams, their lives. And we learn to quiet our brilliant, strong and powerful voices. I call it the No VOICE state. But there is a new shift in the world. It is a shift where woman are not only taking back their voices, but they are shouting them to the heavens. In this time of protests and bloggers and podcasters we are seeing the voices of women claim back our rights. Not only out in the public for the world to see. But in our work places, in our families and most importantly… in our relationships.
Listen in…
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…
• Guy Free Podcast: https://guyfree.com
• Guy Free Facebook Group: https://guyfreeworkingonme.com
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com
WHEN DOES IT AIR…
June 13, 2020
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
I love this passage in Marianne Williamson’s book, A Woman’s Worth. “Female power has to do with women taking an active part in the conversation- whether in the public arena or at the dinner table- and having the same emotional space in which to do so as men.”
Wow, there are some powerful words. Having the same emotional space in which to do so as men. Let’s clarify one piece of that statement. Having the same emotional state within THEMSELVES to do that. Whether men have the emotional ability to share the conversation, the control or the power with us is irrelevant. It is whether WE WOMEN have the emotional, intellectual and psychological strength to engage in every conversation that is in our hearts.
So many times I work with a woman who has a screaming adaptive child state. She has learned since childhood that a woman’s voice or opinions are not important. And deep in her soul she hurts. She is torn between this societal belief in the patriarchy and the power that men have, and her inner knowledge of the Goddess within her. This is truly one of the biggest causes of depression. When we shut down our own souls to honor someone else’s, or are forced to shut down our souls out of fear to make someone’s value more important than our own, our hearts bleed and depressions sets in.
Let’s talk for an important moment about the huge population of women who are in abusive relationships. Women that you may not even know are abused. Your next door neighbor, your boss’s wife, your own sister. Whether it’s verbal or physical abuse these women have been beaten down to fear ever and I mean ever believing that they have a right to their own thoughts or opinions. And God help them if they dare to speak them out loud. And what message does that send to these beautiful souls? It is a message saying you don’t matter. You have no worth. You have no worth! Just saying that hurts me to the core. This part of our sisterhood believes they are not worth anything except what others see they are.
Truly, we are all only a 100 years away from being in the same position. The suffragette movement only brought us our right to vote in 1919. This is 2020! 101 years ago! That right to vote was a scream to the world to value a woman’s voice, choices, rights and never to disclaim us again. But remember in the last podcast where I shared with you the idea of multigenerational learning when it came to Black rights? Well, it is no different when it comes to our own voices as women. And not only our voices, but the deep underlying thoughts that our subconscious has to fight every moment about our own self worth. What were the messages that were passed down to you one women at a time through the generations of women in your families about women’s rights, your freedom to speak up and your value in this world?
The last 3 weeks of protests for Black Lives Matters I have watched women of all colors, races and religions stand up and scream. Scream for the rights of Blacks to feel safe in our country and to be treated as equals. It is a fight that we only won as women 101 years ago. Do you realize what a blink of an eye that is in the course of history? How many thousands of years were we discounted as less than? And if you were a person of color even LESS than that! The last three weeks to watch women of all races fight for the rights of blacks; men, women and children, stirs in me a profound hope. Some of these women are claiming their voices with no fear. And others are terrified but not letting the fear overcome them.And this is how we will change this world.
It is like a soul flashback to the fight we women took on. And all I can hope is that the world is changing. One protest at a time.
My favorite quote of all time is…
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” ~Audrey Lorde
Now let’s get personal. What are you still fighting in your subconscious?What were you taught about the power of a woman and the VALUE of women in this world? If you want to pause this podcast to think about these answers, journal about them, please do. This time is yours.
Now…take a nice deep breath. And sigh out all of your holding back. Take another one and exhale out the holding back of generations of women. Take a few breaths and let’s let go of the chains.
Now let’s ask some questions…
Were you taught from the women in your life, your mom, grandmother, aunts, that women are as smart as men?
Were you taught by the women in your lives to speak up for yourself? Or were you taught to keep quiet?
What message did your ad or Grandfather, male teachers, coaches, ministers, rabbis, spiritual leaders give you about your opinions? Were they welcomed? Shut down? Or PUT down?
Were you taught that women should stay at home and raise the families?
Were you taught that women have a place in the work force and can offer something to a changing world?
Were you taught it is ok to want both, work and family?
Were you taught that it is a huge value to our world to be a stay at home powerful, compassionate mom and raise a family?
Or were you taught that staying at home to raise a family is expected of you?
Were you taught that the man at work has more value in a relationship and to the world than a mom at home?
Were you taught that men are leaders and you should be a follower?
Were you taught that women are leaders and men are followers?
Which of those did you believe when you were a child?
Which do you believe now?
Do you think of yourself as equal to a man?
Ok- do you see where I am going with those last few questions? I don’t think I have ever heard a woman answer to me that they were taught that men are followers and they are leaders. But how easy was it to say to me that yes, they learned that men are the stronger, more powerful gender and they should just happily follow? They should happily enjoy that they do not need to take control of their lives. They can let the man do it for them.
My hope is that you come to a place that neither of those questions bring a yes. My hope is that you understand that men and woman can share the power and have equal voices and have equal value in this world. Listen… to this day we are fighting that concept. We are fighting it in the workplace as men are hired twice as often as women and are paid salaries that women are not. This last 100 years has given us so many things. But we are still fighting for men to see us as equals and to treat us as equals. And truly so many women are still fighting that own thought process within themselves.
OK- Were you taught that women are intelligent? Or equally as intelligent as men?
Were you taught as a little girl that your education was as important as your brother’s, or a boy’s?
Were you taught that a successful life for a woman is to find a man to take care of her?
This truly is a huge glitch in so many women’s computer brains and hearts. My generation was taught two contradictory things. We were taught “wouldn’t it be great to have a man take care of us for the rest of our lives? Give us security? Be the bread winner?” And then we were ALSO taught… a woman can do anything in life she wants! Support herself! Be happy without a mate! Some of us were taught we can be happy with a job and a family! But that screaming multigenerational learned voice in our heads said half the time…oh yeah.. I can take care of myself but then again…it sure would be nice to have a man take care of me.WHAT??!!!! Gees, in therapy we call that an injunction, a glitch in the computer. Our computer brains were programmed two conflicting thoughts!Which is it? Take care of ourselves? Or have a man take care of us? Not to mention that the societal issues of unequal pay and inequality in the work force and our patriarchal society has kept us from truly embracing the freedom to believe “I am woman hear me roar!”
But here is our hope. The younger generations are breaking out of that thinking. The multigenerational learning is slipping out of the subconscious and it is being released. My other favorite saying, “when we make the subconscious conscious it can go away.”Well it started 100 years ago and the rights and VALUE and WORTH of women is becoming true in our hearts. We are starting to live what we know to be true. That we are equal.
And I love that there is a beauty in this latest generation of men. They are learning that this is true, too. They have been brought up by women who have embraced their own power. And these young men are honoring it.
And so, slowly our collective consciousness will change. But we have to look deep in our own thoughts to make sure we no longer give away our voice. And truly, we need to lift up the women around us who are still being abused, or kept down, whether in your country or another.
I offer you to really think about your beliefs of the power that you have as a woman. I offer you to look at your mom and see what kind of roles she taught you and what kind of female roles she modeled for you. I offer you to look at your dad to see what he believed in his heart and empowered in you about your value and worth? Or what he didn’t. Then I offer you to do the following…
I want you to list the negative beliefs that you have that are holding you back from feeling empowered in this world.
Then I want you to list the value that you bring to this world. I want you to list the qualities in you that you cannot wait to share with as many people as you can! Whether its your creativity, or your voice, your brilliance, your ideas, your intellect, your compassion or your kindness. I want you to find a way to say it, sing it, claim it and live it!
I leave you with this quote by Anonymous. Whoever she is, I love that woman!
“She needed a hero, so that’s what she became!”
Fellow Adventurers, thank you for letting me into your lives today. Please be good to yourselves, be proud of yourselves, value every ounce of you and be gentle to yourselves as you take this journey to the deepest parts of you.Thanks all, I look forward to popping back into your lives again next week.