Living Life Your Way

I don’t do this

July 23, 2018 By Shauna

This is one of my favorite phrases of all time. You know that moment when you are shocked that you are engaging with someone who is just pissing you off? That moment when you find yourself arguing the inarguable with someone who just won’t listen? Yet, you keep talking? All of a sudden you are dragged into a storm and your mind is screaming how am I going to get out of this? This is how. You just say to yourself, I don’t do this. We all have our opinions and our desire to be heard. But sometimes, with some people, there is no way to be heard.

I just don’t do this.

I don’t engage with someone who is disrespecting me.

I don’t allow myself to be bullied.

I don’t pretend that it is ok.

I don’t do this.

You have to be your own barometer of what you can take. You have to check in with yourself and know that you are being pushed passed the place that you feel comfortable. Or more importantly, feel safe. And then YOU have to say, I don’t do this.

Is this true in relationships? Yes. The most profound place to use this powerful sentence is when you realize that you are stuck in an unhealthy, emotionally scarring relationship; whether friend, family member or lover. The most honest and kind sentence you can ever learn for yourself is I don’t do this.

Now that is self awareness.

Dreams of your Future

April 3, 2014 By Shauna Leave a Comment

If you are like everyone else, your Facebook page…email inbox…even your favorite magazine covers are all screaming at you to follow your dreams! One beautiful image after another, with a truly inspiring quote, shows up time and time again. Then there are those precious animal pictures that show how some tiny kitten has climbed an unimaginable ladder and made it to the top, insinuating that YOU can too! In this world of positive thinking, affirmations and thoughts of the little engine that could, we are bombarded by images and challenged by others to go after our “dreams” and our life will be perfect. But here is the clincher, many people in this world have no idea what that dream is! Family, finances, obligations and just plain surviving have caused us to stay in the part of our brain that blocks out creative thinking. And THAT is where our dreams flourish…in our creative mind. It is reached by something called the Creative Child side of our spirit. It is this side of us that thinks outside the box and rocks the boat for change. It is the side of us that is spontaneous, free spirited and open for anything. That is the place that dreams are born. That is the energy we need to make our dreams come true. We all have that side of us. But for some it is louder and stronger and more powerful than for others.

So, how do we reach it? The first step is to give ourselves permission! “I give myself permission for the next ten minutes to touch that place within me where all my secret dreams live”. Then sit back and listen. Listen for your child-like voice that has been screaming with playful ideas but not been heard. With permission to dream we open up a part of our psyche that has been silenced. A part we thought didn’t exist, but was truly just hidden in the corners of our mind. Now here is the secret. There is an interesting piece to this process that must take place. In order to reach that creative side in our self we need to let go of LOGIC. An artist does not use logic to paint a picture. An actor does not use logic to embody a character. You can’t think outside the box if your logical brain has stuck you and your entire life IN a box! We need to let go of the negative logical thinking that hold us back. You know the ones that play in our minds and tell us “it can’t happen”. We need to silence those and let our creative voice be heard. We need to give ourselves permission to not be logical for one moment in our life! If you keep practicing this over and over then it will happen. One day you will wake up and your creative voice will be louder than the one that squelches your dreams.

Remember, your dreams of the future have as much of a possibility as anyone else’s! But they will never take place until you figure out what they are.

NOW DREAM IT, CHANGE IT, DO IT, BECOME IT!

I believe in you!

Exercise:

So here is your Dream Challenge

Journal! Write! Dream! Become!
•   What are five things you love to do that represent who you are?
•
•   What are five things that you want to do that you have never done before?
•
•   What is your biggest dream that you would like to accomplish THIS YEAR?
•
•   What is your biggest dream that you would like to accomplish in your lifetime?
•
•   What action can you take today, tomorrow and this week to move toward your dream?
•
•   Why should you do this?
•
•   What would it feel like to accomplish your dream?

Now ask yourself…
• What has stopped me in the past from going after my dreams?
•
• What do I need to change in order to move forward towards my passion?

Changing Families at the Holidays

November 8, 2012 By Shauna Leave a Comment

With the Holidays only weeks away I am beginning to hear the affects of changing families. The usual ol’ fears of how to deal with Crazy Aunt Sarah at Thanksgiving dinner have changed to “Will I see my kids this year?” Now that I am single, where do I go?” Whether the change comes from kids growing up, new babies being born, new in-laws in the mix, divorce, break-ups, loss of a beloved, or just plain I NEED a change, change is inevitable. Herein lies the peace! Change is inevitable. We can either let it bring us down, or we can embrace it and recreate our lives around it.

The first thing we need to do is allow old rituals to have a new face. The holidays are usually tied up around rituals that our families have created over many many years. From the exact time of the holiday meal to what is on the table, we find comfort in keeping them intact. But when change has happened in a family dynamic our psyche can’t handle having these rituals without all of the players there or when new players enter the picture. So what do we do? We change the ritual! Instead of a potluck dinner at 3, how about a giant brunch, or a beautiful candle-lit sit down dinner? Or how about eating out at a magnificent restaurant? If you go into the holiday knowing that you WANT to make new rituals then there is a whole new level of excitement to planning for the holidays. You can either feel the sadness of what was, or you can feel the passion of what can be.

But what if you are alone this Holiday season? It is true that this can be a time when people feel the loneliness of not having family near. Many people decide to hide away and pretend that here are no holidays. My experience is that THAT WILL BACK FIRE! If you hide away you are only re-enforcing that you are alone. DON’T! Sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself won’t make you feel better! Reach out to neighbors and friends and ask if you can join them. Get past the feeling that you are pushing yourself on them. Usually they have not even considered you may want to be there. And when they find out that you DO, they welcome you with open arms. Or get out and volunteer somewhere! There are so many places that need help at the holidays! When you see that your presence makes a difference in someone’s life it is all worthwhile! So your choice is to reach out, or hide away. I say to reach out and start new rituals in your life!

Now for those of you who have no changes in your family, I offer you to STILL shake up your rituals! Imagine the joy on your family’s face when you throw in a new, wild and fun aspect to the day! Go online and look up new ways to entertain your guests! Go for a laid back dinner with paper plates instead of the typical formal affair. I have friends that add a theme to the event and make everyone get involved! From movie themes to song titles they shake up their holidays every year. Last Christmas was Beatle’s songs and someone brought their version of Jello Submarine! If you have new guests at your table this year, ask them to share one of their rituals with everyone! With a Brit as a new member of our family we have added new foods and new British rituals to our Christmas Day! Include new members by letting them share a piece of their history with you!

These Holidays will be all that YOU MAKE THEM! Change is everywhere, and change can be fun. If you let yourself CHANGE your PERCEPTION who knows what your life will bring!

A Voice of My Own

September 11, 2012 By Shauna Leave a Comment

2012 Election Year! A time when Americans are encouraged to share their vision for the future and vote on the politician who they believe will get them there. Beliefs and opinions are very personal. It reflects so much of who we are. It reflects the morals and ethics that we were raised with in our family system. But more importantly, it reflects the morals and ethics of our families that we have released from our own consciousness as we differentiated and found our own true beliefs. As I say in my book, “Are you Democratic, Republican, Liberal, Communist or otherwise because that is what YOU truly believe in? Or is it because you have not taken the time to honor that you may actually have a different voice than those around you?”. Perhaps you have not even looked at the issues deeply, instead you are being guided by the news and propaganda of the differing parties. In this day and age, it takes work to weed through the facts. But even harder is the work it takes for you to look deep within and realize that you may disagree with what you were brought up to believe. So why should you? All politics aside, this process we call DIFFERENTIATING is what I believe is the most important goal in life. When you look for and find your OWN VOICE you find your Genuine Self.

So what is your voice? What do you believe in? If you were to write your own book telling the world what you feel, what would it say? If you could be who you wanted to be without judgement from anyone, what would you share with the world? Are there people that stifle your voice? Why do you let them? What are you afraid of? Or do you stifle other people’s voices? What are you afraid of? I offer you to take some time to do some internal searching of what you think about the world and why. Then check in and see if this is what you truly believe, or what you were taught you were supposed to believe. Differentiating is being able to separate your thoughts from others and then claim what and who you are. Believe me, it is a lifelong learning experience. But it is a JOYOUS ONE! It is freedom! It is happiness! It is the never ending Journey to YOU!

Happy Travels!

THE PATH- By Shauna Hoffman

Walk the path it’s within you,
feel your fire start to rise.
It’s in KNOWING, that’s the power
to reach a lifetime that’s desired.

Giving over to your truth,
letting ego’s mind just pass,
is the moment of Enlightenment
and Your Truth shall shine at last.

And Your Truth is everlasting,
and Your Truth is oh so near.
It’s the love of only loving,
and the banishment of fear.

Walk the path it’s within you,
feel your fire start to rise.
It’s in KNOWING, that’s the power
to reach a lifetime that’s desired.

Finding what you believe..

May 8, 2012 By Shauna Leave a Comment

The first adventure we will be taking on our road to self-discovery is the concept of becoming “SELF AWARE”. Self-awareness is the first step to any self-help program. I mean, if you don’t know what you feel, know what you believe, what you desire and what you dream, how can you change? How can you grow? And most importantly, how can you be happy? Notice how I wrote the word YOU. Becoming self-aware means that you are able to differentiate what YOU feel, from what others want you to feel; what you believe from what you have been programmed to believe. It is becoming aware of your judgments and deciding that you really agree with that judgment and it fits with your true morals, ethics and values! In a nutshell…it is experiencing, discovering and living your own belief system! Now isn’t that a glorious new world to discover?

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