Working On Me

A Journey to Self Awareness with Shauna Hoffman

64 I Saw the Child in My Mom Traveling the Streets of Budapest

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Hello and welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman.

Today I am sharing my journey back to Hungary with my mom and the joys and the lessons I learned. My mom was born in Miskolc Hungary, a large city outside of Budapest. She lived there until the Nazis killed her mom, dad, and baby sisters and took her to Auschwitz during World War Two. She was 13 years old. I have so many lessons that I have learned from my mom, a woman that survived that kind of horror. But one of the most important ones I have learned from her is hope. My mom lived with what she called rose-colored glasses. And she always said, she “put them on”. So let’s all don our rose-colored glasses and head off to Budapest! I will take you along on the journey where my mom saw Hungary again for the first time since the war.

Our traveling companions were our friends Doc Liza and her beautiful partner Connie. You may remember Doc Liza from my podcast on traveling to Machu Picchu! Let’s just say that I could not have done this trip without them. My brothers weren’t able to come and I sure needed some help with my senior mom! Besides the fact that they are the best traveling playmates ever! 

Without a doubt, I can say that some of our biggest lessons come when we travel with other people. What would you like to do today? No, you? Are you up yet? We need to get going! Eh…I’m sleeping in. Wait what?  And on and on and on!  Thank the traveling Gods Connie and Liza travel as we do! I am a believer in let’s see what happens next. Plans change! We can figure out just about anything when we let go of expectations and choose fun over stress!  Thankfully the four of us got along great. And they were saints helping take care of my mom.

So why am I sharing this trip with you today? Why was it such an important part of my own journey to self-awareness? Because this trip taught me… that inside our parents, no matter what age they are, there is still a child that is begging to be touched. And if we are lucky enough… we’ll be able to see it. Often it’s a side of them that they have not seen or experienced or touched in years. For some, it is a child spirit that was wounded. For others, it’s a child spirit filled with a light that we haven’t ever seen in our parents because of the responsibility they carried raising us.

My mom always had that light happy spirit even in her darkest hours. It was hard to believe that she lost everyone in her life and lived the horrors of concentration camp.

It was on this trip to Hungary when I saw my mom’s child truly show up! She hadn’t been back to Hungary since she was a young 13-year-old girl. This trip was magical! It was as if time stood still and she was seeing Hungary now through those same 13-year-old eyes. The first time she walked down the streets of Budapest she stopped to read every Hungarian sign she could see! It had been over 60 years since her native language was on display on every corner of every street! It was so cute and hysterical to hear her translate storefront names, and street signs, and restaurant menus! The little girl in her jumped out and she felt at home for the first time since the war. It then occurred to me that I never understood how much the English language is such a part of my own identity.

Now, Where my momfinally felt at home walking these streets, I felt like a visitor seeing this country through her eyes. Though I had always been proud to call myself Hungarian American I really didn’t know my heritage at all! Ok, other than Chicken paprikash and all of the amazing food my mom would cook!

On the first day, we toured all of Budapest where much of her family had lived. She was like a child in a candy shop remembering the times she was there with her family. But it was the next moment that I will never forget. We were in Hero’s Square and there was a quartet playing classic Hungarian music.  My mom ran over to them! Next thing I know she was singing every word along with them! The joy on her face was like light beams shining from the sun! She said she hadn’t heard that song since she was young! Watching her at that moment I saw the child in my mom’s heart. She was transported back to the days when her mom and dad and baby sisters were all alive and they would sing that song together. The days when there was peace in Hungary. The days before the war.

Over the years I had taken on a different role with my aging mom.  The caretaker role. The one, along with my brothers, making sure she was safe and healthy. It is a reverse role that we all take on as our parents age. But this experience in Budapest was different. She wasn’t the mom who needed my help to be safe. Though we did have to make sure as she scurried through the streets with excitement that she didn’t fall! But, she was the girl who she had been before the Nazis infiltrated Hungary. It was a joy I had never seen in my mom before. It was something so personal to her I almost felt like a voyeur watching her experience those moments again. A step back in time. A step back before her world fell apart.

We talk often in the therapy world about how children become parentified. How they are put in situations when they are young to act like the parent and no longer the child in the family. This happens with alcoholic families and abusive families. It happens when a couple gets divorced and a child takes on a caretaking role in the family. It happens when one parent passes away. For my mom the moment her own mom and sisters were dragged away and she was left alone, she became her own parent. She had no choice at 13 to do anything but grow up. But in Heroes Square the child was alive again!

There was another moment I saw parts of my mom I had never seen before. But this one tore at my heart. We went to the Holocaust Memorial Center in Budapest. It’s in a renovated synagogue from the 1920s that serves as a memorial and museum honoring the Hungarian Jews, Gays, and handicapped that were murdered during the war. Though I have heard stories, seen movies, and read everything about the Holocaust, experiencing any of the Holocaust museums takes you through a world that is hard to comprehend. This day broke my heart. It was one I was not expecting to witness. It was the first time I saw the devastation of the loss of her family in her eyes.

We were walking among these huge pictures that were hung in the aisles of the museum. All of a sudden I saw my mom start running from one photo to the next searching in the faces of the men that were being pictured. The Hungarian men who had been taken by the Nazis. She was desperately searching for her father in the images. It was like this little lost child searching for her parent. It was too much for me to bear. I had to leave. I couldn’t see my mom that hurt. She had hidden it for so long. But there it was.  Truly the little girl lost. Thank heavens for Connie and Liza.  They stayed with her through her search. A search that gave her no more answers to what had happened to her dad after the Nazis took him.

Here I was, my mom’s little girl who could not witness the pain of the little girl in my mom. It is a memory I will hold forever.

I think what I want to share with all of my podcast family is that deep in the hearts of our own parents are wounds and joys and lessons we may never understand. Perhaps if we can find compassion with them, we will be lucky enough to see those childlike moments they are willing to share. I was lucky enough to see them with my mom on this trip. I think if we hadn’t gone to Hungary, I would never have seen them. I was given a glimpse into the soul of the woman who I called my mother.

The rest of the trip was wonderful and filled with so many joyous moments for my mom! We all ate the best Hungarian foods! We traveled to Tokaji and savored the very special sweet wines of the region!  We went back to the village where her Grandpa lived and where her Uncle, Adolf Zukor, who founded Paramount Pictures lived. The Mayor welcomed her with open arms and she felt at home there!

The little girl in her smiled at every turn. But it was the beautiful older Hungarian woman, my mom, who finally found peace. It was a trip to her homeland that brought both sides of her together finally… after all these years. The little girl that was left behind and the beautiful woman that she finally became.

I hope that this journey sparked something in your own consciousness to think about. Whether it is being able to see your parents in a new way, or whether it is a reminder to yourself to always be in touch with that beautiful child within you.

Here is a quote from Mary Ritter Beard that put into words perfectly my experience on this trip.

Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.

To my listeners, May you always be in touch with your own inner child! May you strive to see the child that your parents once were and see if you can heal from their lessons. That’s a heavy ask. Let me repeat it. May you strive to see the child that your parents once were and see if you can heal from their lessons. May you travel and seek a truth that you can only find when you start on your own journey to self-awareness!

To my podcast family, thank you for letting me into your lives this week and I look forward to popping back in again next time!

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED:

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: https://www.workingonme.com/podcast
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR :
JULY 31, 2021

63 A Journey to Awareness on the Streets of Havana

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Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman,

Thank you for joining me again on this podcast as I share my journeys to self on my own journeys around the world! This next adventure was one that took me on a self-awareness experience that I did not know I needed.

I always thought of myself as a world traveler, lover of all things cultural and different. I never saw myself as a tourist. I always saw myself as the type of person that soaked up everything different about the culture I visited. But most importantly, I soaked up the faces and lives of the people in the places I went. The locals. I would eat off the vendor’s carts on the streets, talk to the children, look into the eyes of the elders as I learn of the love of their homeland. My world of expansion and self-awareness was always drawn to different experiences and in meeting those who live in the countries I visit.

Have you ever traveled somewhere and felt this strange feeling like you’ve been there before? This feeling like, oh. I’m home! Or just had an amazing connection to the culture or the people, or the sounds and smells? For me this place is Cuba. The cities, the tiny towns and villages, the culture, the people, and mostly the hope. It was only perfect that my first visit to Cuba was one of the best learning lessons in all of my travels. Let me share with you this article I wrote for the Huffington Post in 2017.

It was titled “How I went to Cuba and almost missed it.”

There it was. Havana. I was about to step foot on the forbidden island. The hidden gem of the Caribbean. The island of controversy and music, art, and cigars. The land of classic cars that’s the dream of every car collector in the US. The day had come. I could finally travel legally to Cuba. Having been in the cruise industry for years, I had dreamed of docking in the port of Havana. Cruise after cruise, we would sail by the island on our way to the typical tourist ports of Jamaica or the Bahamas when the Captain would announce from the loudspeaker “Now on the port side is the island of Cuba.” Passengers would flock to the decks to see the only thing we were allowed to see. There on the horizon was the outline of a country caught in the past but begging to be recognized and loved by Americans.

People to People Cultural Exchange! President Obama set it into motion. US citizens were allowed to go to Cuba as long as we were engaged in meeting the Cuban people and learning of their culture. So, my husband and I jumped on the first cruise ship allowed to travel from Miami to Cuba. Fathom Adonia. We wanted to see as much as we could in the 7 days we had. Ship was the way to go. And Fathom had planned it right. In accordance with all of the regulations, Fathom had arranged tours for us that met all of the PTP requirements. We read all about it for weeks. We dreamed of what it would be like to walk the streets of Havana. We swore we would not be tourists. After all, we always travel like the locals. We eat on the streets of third-world countries and talk to the natives in our broken attempts at their languages. Cuba would be no different. But I have a confession. After the initial tears of realizing we were about to dock in Havana, I was like every tourist I was not supposed to be. As the Havanese were waving to us from the dock, my camera was locked on the old Chevys whizzing by in bright pink and turquoise, as they cruised along the Malecon. I could hear the music emanating from the dock and all I thought about was dancing in the streets of Cuba. The first-day excursion took us through art galleries and churches, memorials, and grave sights. We saw the streets of Cuba. I was overwhelmed by Old Havana. It was beautiful.

Finally, the tour ended, we jumped back on the ship, cleaned up, and were ready for our free time in Havana. Yep, we could go off on our own in this mystical city and explore.

Having made a reservation at a Paladar, a privately owned restaurant versus a Government-owned restaurant, we headed back into Old Havana. The sun was setting and the mood was romantic. The Paladar was only 4 blocks from the ship. It was exquisite. When we arrived the gentleman at the front rang a bell to let them know we were coming. As we ascended the stairs, the most beautiful music was playing. My senses were on high alert! All I could dream of was real Cuban food and a real Mojito in the real Cuba.

We were seated at a charming table near the wide-open patio doors with wrought iron railings. I felt like I was in Tuscany or Paris. It was enchanting and exciting. The waiter took our order and the anticipation grew. Lobster in a pineapple brandy sauce called out to us. And of course the mojito. I was in Cuba. It was all I had dreamed it would be. Then it happened.

After the young waiter brought us our drinks, he stopped for a moment at our table. Then as gentle as a man can speak he asked us in his broken English, “Are you from the US?” We said, “yes” not really thinking much about it. What happened next has changed me forever. He touched his heart and broke into the sweetest smile. Then he slowly said, “We are so glad you are here.”
I almost burst into tears. How had I missed it, as I walked through their city, looking into the faces of the Cuban people? How did I become the tourist that searches for Cuban cigars and takes pictures of old cars? How had I not gazed into the eyes of the Cuban people? That moment changed me. I still cry when I think about it.

Next, I scoured the room looking at everyone’s faces. I noticed that all the waiters were looking at us with the coyest smiles. The Americans were here! I would gently catch their eyes and smile back. It is not like they have not seen Americans before. But for the first time they were seeing us with hope. And for the first time, I saw them. I saw the faces of the Cuban people. I then realized the opportunity we have all been given. Not to go there and change them. But to go there and see beyond cigars and cars and into their hearts. And maybe, just maybe, they would change us.

I wrote that article for the Huff Post right after President Obama opened travel to Cuba for US citizens in what was supposed to be People To People exchanges. Well, it took me a moment to make sure that was what I was there for! A People to people experience!

A lot has changed since then. And I have changed. I talk so much about self-awareness and that it starts with becoming inner-focused versus outer-focused. It’s funny, I had been so conscious of the enormous privilege it was to step foot on this gorgeous island. And to be one of the first Americans to do so legally in over 50 years! I knew about the politics that got us there in history and the politics that was true at that moment. My heart and my soul was so passionate about finally being there. I cried as we pulled into the channel in Havana. I cried, even more, when I saw everyone waving the American flag in one hand and a Cuban flag in another.

So what happened?

How did I turn from this socially conscious world traveler into someone who was a typical tourist the minute I stepped foot on the island? I have thought a lot about this. And all I can think of is that I was caught up in the moment. The stuff! The outward experience. I was not seeing the people because I was not in touch with my genuine self. I was not looking within at my own motivations or the soul experience I wanted to have. I was outside of myself LOOKING for the things that represented Cuba to me. The things I had dreamt of. The only things I knew because I had yet to look into the eyes of the Cubans themselves.

I am not mad at myself for this. It was a perfect moment of growth for me. A Course In Miracles says there is the Ego and the Soul. I was definitely living in a moment of ego… self-gratification! “I want a Mojito and to dance to Cuban Music!” There is a book called 2150 AD where they describe two ways of being in the world One is the Macroworld which means you live your life looking at how you are part of the bigger picture… of humanity. And then there is the Microworld. You guessed it. When your thinking and life revolve around the micro or small-minded self. Well, my thinking at that moment was definitely small-minded Micro thinking!

But my world and perception changed once that beautiful Cuban Man gently welcomed my husband and me into his country.

I am so in love with the Cuban People.

I have been back many times now. The restaurant I spoke of in the article is named Los Mercaderes. I have become friends with the amazing owner Yamil. I have learned of the farm-to-table life of the Cubans. How he helps the farmers and they supply him with the most amazing foods for his delectable dishes. I have been in touch through these very difficult times. Food is now a difficult scenario in Cuba. And Covid has not helped. But the Cuban people help each other.

I went back for the 500th anniversary of Havana. It was a sight that would never take place in the US. Hundreds upon hundreds of people lining their capital building awaiting any glimpse of the festivities. And not one person pushed or shoved to get in front of anyone else. It was the calmest most cordial event I had ever been at. It was as if the Cubans were living in a Macro world and sharing this unbelievable experience with each other. No one was out for themselves. This time… I joined them in their Macro world. This time I was aware of the people, the humanity, and myself as I stood with them, not as a tourist but as an American friend.

I have made beautiful friends there. I am blessed. I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to learn from them and share in their world. And I am grateful for my own desire to look within. To acknowledge when I am not coming from my soul. And to learn how to self-correct.

This journey to awareness is a lifelong adventure. When we put ourselves in new and unknown worlds we are always challenged to redefine ourselves. If we allow it. If we allow ourselves to NOT be tourists of our own lives living in the micro-world.

Now let’s be clear! I love me a yummy mojito listening to amazing Cuban music and eating plantains on the top of a Havana rooftop! But I hope to do it again surrounded by my beautiful Cuban friends. Because there is where I have found true happiness.

Ernest Hemingway spent much of his life living in Cuba. So I thought it was perfect to leave you with a Hemingway quote. It’s one that I love to embrace when I think about travel and all that it gives us on our own journey to self-awareness.

“Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual”.

To all of my listeners, May you be surrounded by new experiences that challenge your thinking, awaken your spirit and surround you with new cultures and people to help you on your own travels to becoming amazing humans.

Thank you for letting me into your lives this week. And I look forward to popping in again next time.

 

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes

• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR… 
JULY 10, 2021

62 Lessons On The Inca Trail

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Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman

Did you ever realize how much you learn about yourself, your values, your dreams, your heart when you venture far away from home? Or have you ever escaped your everyday world just for a day in search of a missing piece of yourself, your sanity, or your soul? When I truly look at my own growth I realize that I have found more of myself in my world travels than I ever thought was possible. I was really thinking about this podcast and where I wanted to go with it in this new season. And it didn’t take me long to discover that I had named this podcast a Journey To Awareness for a reason. It’s on so many journeys I have taken that I have found out who I am and what is important in my life. It’s amazing how much you can learn about yourself when you leave behind all that is comfortable and known to you, all the things that define you. Your home, your job, your car. your favorite foods, the clothes you wear, the people that surround you.

So I am hoping you will indulge me this season as I take you on some of my journeys around the world to share the awareness that I have been blessed with on these amazing sojourns to magnificent places. In my old age, I have been lucky enough to have traveled to 37 countries, met the people, experienced their cultures. I have learned to leave behind my judgments and expectations in order to indulge in this thing I love about travel called the unknown. Travel pushes our limits of what we know as our reality if we let it. And what we learn about ourselves along the way is astounding… Sometimes whether you want those lessons or not. But hey…ain’t that life anyway?

So my very first adventure I want to take you on is the one I took when I hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu for my 50th birthday. I had this amazing friend, soul sister named Joni who had been the one to open my eyes to all things spiritual and metaphysical. One by one she handed me books to spark my thinking and open my soul. We used to sit for hours and dream of where we wanted to go in life. The one spiritual place that kept calling our name was the Inca trail hike to Machu Picchu in Peru. If you don’t know the story of this magical place, it was a trail that the Inca Tribe created out of granite to carry all the materials to build their temple city, Machu Picchu. All the way back in the 1400s. But it has been hidden from most of the outside world until it was discovered in 1911.

If you do any research into spiritual places around the planet you will read that Machu Picchu is considered one of the most spiritually aligning places to travel to. They say it opens and resonates all of the chakras. They even believe it stimulates the immune system and brings the body into balance. To the Inca’s all of the environment is Sacred. Pachamama, which they call Mother earth, has always cared for them, so it was their responsibility to care for her. It is listed as one of the NEW 7 Wonders of the Modern World.

Well, what better place to go on the big 5-0 than Peru to climb the Inca Steps and visit this spectacular place and reach into my soul on an amazing journey? I wanted a mind, body soul experience… and boy did I get it.

Actually, the idea for this particular trip came from a friend of ours. I call her Doc Liza, She called out of the blue and said wanna go hike the Inca trail? I had no idea what I wanted to do for the big 50 and just like that it was decided! How she knew that was on my spiritual bucket list…I will never know. But obviously, the universe knew! And we were off! Liza, who really is a doctor, brought her 17-year-old nephew along, too. Liza is a big hiker and mountain climber. She was ready for this trek. It was going to be a 4-day hike where we carried all of our own packs. We had hired this great company appropriately called Pachamama to do this as a private tour for us. We didn’t want to be hiking with 20 people and be at the behest of their pace. So birthday splurge it was! Private guide, private sherpas, and private chefs. 6 of them and the 4 of us.

Though Liza was very ready for a high-altitude mountain hike, My hubby, Bert, and me… not so much. In our brilliance… we thought we trained for it here in California. HA! We live at about 1000 feet. The Inca Trail takes you up to about 14,000 feet. Yup, we are talking altitude sickness! And on one day alone you hike from 10,000 ft to 14,000 ft. And these are steps! Not hiking on a trail! And the steps are uneven and made of granite. So let me break that down for you. And you’ll see how unprepared we were! A step is one and a half feet. That means that one day we walked up 2700 stairs. Now let’s break it down more! 10 steps is a flight of stairs. In that one day, it was as if we had walked up 270 flights of stairs! Seriously! We were soooooooo unprepared! And again…In the altitude that our bodies were sooooo not ready for!

Then this happened. On our first night on the trail, Liza’s 17-year-old nephew got pulmonary edema, fluid in the lungs from the altitude. We had thought for sure he was the one who would fly through this hike, young strong. But it was the opposite. In order to make sure he didn’t get worse, Doc Liza and her nephew had to go back down the mountain. Their hike was over. We were all so sad. We had planned this for months. But I gotta tell you, traveling with a Doctor as a friend can surely save a life! And the good news is they met us at the end of the trip at Machu Picchu after their own 3-day journey to awareness.

Now it was 6 of the Pachama team and just me and Bert. If I wasn’t so totally exhausted at the end of the day I could have appreciated the spoiling! They even brought a Birthday cake for me all the way up the muntain!

OK, I wanted a mind-body, soul experience and I got it. How the hell was I to keep going when my body was aching and exhausted? The answer was mind over body.

There is a great quote that says it all.

Your body can stand almost anything. It’s your mind that you have to convince.

So it became amind game I played with myself. For those of you who hike mountains you know that you come to these curves ahead of you,

switchbacks, where you are sure you are at the top of the mountain! Then you get there, round the bend feeling victorious only to see that the climb actually goes on and on higher and higher!

So the next piece of advice I gave myself is what I preach and preach and preach on my podcasts and to my clients… stay in the moment.

I realized that I could not look ahead of me with expectations. I had to stay in the moment, one step at a time. Well, how the hell was I to do that when all I saw were more stairs? Mind over body-mind over body-mind over body. I had to occupy my mind with thoughts that had nothing to do with the exhaustion I felt. I had to see the beauty all around me. After all, that is why I was there.

In therapy, we call that Stop thought! You stop the negative or scary thought and replace it with a better thought!

I had an idea. I started to name every step I took for someone I knew, picturing them in my mind. I started with the people I loved…ha! Well as we climbed higher and higher and those switchbacks came one after the other, the list turned into every person I had known since childhood! But there was something so spiritual about that. It was like every person I knew was on that trail with me, walking my journey by my side.

And my walking stick!

I had bought this beautiful blue carved wood walking stick in one of the villages before we started. That walking stick became another limb to me. It was beautiful and strong and I was grateful for it every step of the way. And for every step I took, I looked at all that magnificence surrounding me. Then I would try to take a deep breath as I thought about all of the Incas who had traveled this path hundreds of years ago. And I thought of each friend or family member that was now on that trail by my side.

Breathe Shauna breathe…

Well, that wasn’t easy! We know that breath is one way we connect to our bodies. We breathe through pain, or sadness, or anxiety. We take nice big sighs when we are happy and content. Now here I was trying to breathe when my oxygen was getting less and less in the altitude and my head was swimming. And when you can’t breathe deeply you tend to breathe shallower or hold your breath. Well, none of that was gonna work because I had miles yet to go and breath was the only way to get there. Suddenly my journey to self became about breath… and life.

I love this quote by Thich Nhat Hanh. It describes my lesson on the trail perfectly

Breathing in I calm my body.

Breathing out I smile, dwelling in the present moment.

The only moment.

And then all of a sudden this happened. We were at a beautiful valley when our guide said “Look all the way up to that mountain peak. That’s where we are going. It’s called Dead Women’s Pass.”

Seriously. Seriously? I swear I looked at him, with my mouth agape wondering how many people have died trying to get there! But he just laughed!

Dead woman’s pass was named because, when seen from the valley below where we were, its crests resemble the form of a woman’s body lying down and facing up to the sky. Ok, well that made me feel a LITTLE better!

Then I looked even closer to the peaks and I saw a deer standing there and silhouetted by the sun. Our guide saw it too. He was shocked. He said deer were very rare on these mountains. And all of a sudden I got tears in my eyes. Joni. What I didn’t share earlier is that my friend Joni who was my spiritual partner on my soul searching journey, who had dreamt of hiking this trail one day, had left this earth ten years earlier. She never made it here.

Or so I thought. With all of my being, I knew that deer was a sign from Joni. You see, my nickname for her was “Doe Eyes”! She had the biggest brown eyes. She always looked like a baby deer. And her yard was filled with delicate deer sculptures. Doe Eyes.

Mind Body Spirit. Here was the beginning of the soul part of my journey. It was like Joni was standing up on that pass telling me I can do it! Believing in me and more than that…calling me up the mountain to finally share our dream of hiking the Inca Trail together.

All of a sudden I felt like I could fly up those steps! Mind-body…. soul. I was going to meet Joni on Dead Woman’s Pass!

How appropriate!

There are so many parts of this journey to self I could share with you. Waking up on the last morning in time to see the sun rise over Machu Picchu took my breath away. To share it with my husband was a memory that has bonded us forever. To have seen and felt Joni on that trail broke away all the questions of the “here and the after” for me and gave me so much peace. The struggle to overcome so much physical stress from exhaustion to not being able to breathe only helped me to learn that truly my mind can overcome my body if I try. And the unbelievable satisfaction of achieving what at moments felt truly unachievable reminds me that whenever I think I can’t do something…I actually can!

Doc Liza and her nephew met us in Machu Picchu. They had gone back to stay in another mystical village, Urubamba, which sits in what is known as the Sacred Valley. And once again we shared this dream. Then we stayed overnight n a town outside of Machu Picchu called Aguas Calientes. Doc Liza had arranged for me to have a massage before we got there! She knew I would need it. Always a healer that woman!

Once again, I had the most spiritual moment as the Inca music was playing and the massage therapist soothed my muscles. I swear for a moment I left my body. Maybe it was the exhaustion finally being healed. Or maybe as the Incas say… my chakras were opened and being aligned! Whatever it was, I will never really know. But I can still feel it in my soul today.

My own journey to my journey to awareness.

Machu Picchu itself was more than I could imagine. It’s mystical and magical and filled with the stories of a culture now gone. To get there on the same steps that the Incas took gave me a feeling of one with a people I would never have known if I didn’t literally walk in their footsteps.

And my beautiful blue carved walking stick is mounted with pride above my window at home. Whenever I wonder if I can achieve something or not I just look up at that beautiful stick and I know the answer. Of course, I can.

This quote says it all.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

If you ever have the chance to see Machu Picchu whether by the Inca Trail or by the new train that now takes visitors there. Do it! And say hi to Doe Eyes for me while you’re there!

So to my podcast family, I Thank you for traveling on this journey with me. I hope you come back and listen to more of my “journeys on my own journey to self-awareness”! And please, share this episode with anyone you feel would enjoy it.

Now be good to yourself, drink lotsa water, eat nourishing foods, challenge yourself to do what you think is impossible! Let your mind body and soul be one. And venture out of your known to experience the unknown!

Thank you for letting me into your life this week and I look forward to popping back in again next time.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes

• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR… JUNE 19, 2021

61 The Eyes Have It

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Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman,

I have been missing in action for the last few weeks as I needed a little eye-opening surgery! And I mean this in so many ways! Just like my grandmother I have these deep-set eyes. And as we both aged the lids started to get just a little too heavy. My doctor noticed that there was a good chance that my vision was being impaired. Well, who knew? It’s so funny because for the longest time I have been sweeping my bangs away from my right eye thinking they were blocking my vision. And other times I was rubbing my eye feeling like there was a film over it. Well for someone who practices self-awareness I was an idiot! It was my eyelid! More on one side than on the other. Which of course makes perfect sense in the spiritual world. I was imbalanced! I was not looking at what was in front of me. And I was not centered on my own self-awareness. Damn!

So I thought I would investigate a little deeper… I wanted to look at what the spiritualists say about the right side of the body and what it represents. And what was it that I did not want to see?

The left side of the body is often regarded as the feminine side, the receiving side, where you take in. It represents, among other things, the mother. The right side of the body is often regarded as the masculine side, the giving-out side, where you express.

So I’m reading this thinking… I am totally in tune with my left side! My feminine side. After all I teach this to all of the people I counsel. Especially women! Receiving is good! Receiving is necessary. There is no selfishness in receiving! Well, obviously my body agreed. But I thought for sure I was absolutely expressing from the right side in my podcast and therapy work, I was giving out! I was sharing not only my insight but that of so many guests on my show. Not to mention the dog rescue work that I do.

Hmmmm…. I guess I must look a little deeper!

Next, I thought more about the eyes and what they represent. Vision, clarity, InSIGHTfulness. You know the old saying, the eyes are the window to your soul. And then I started to put the pieces together. We always take that saying to mean that others see us by looking into our eyes. When we look deeply into someone’s eyes we can see if we trust them, are they seemingly genuine, do they seem angry or are they projecting love. Oh, we see so much when we look into each other’s eyes. But I think we lose the true meaning of this saying. That is… that if we look deep within, we can see, touch and heal our own souls.

Ok, now I’m on a deep dive search for more spiritual teachings and wisdom about the eyes. Next, I turned to the American Indians and I found some of the most beautiful quotes. This one, in particular moved me. It brought back the concept that the eyes are the window to the soul. But again, for ourselves to look within.

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.

We know that sadness and tears of joy reveal so much about our own wisdom. What I love about this quote is it’s not about the ego learning from sadness or joy. It is about the rainbow of colors and the growth our soul experiences. And most importantly, the ability to see beauty through all of our tears.

I found this beautiful quote by Brother Spirit Lame Deer of the Lakota Tribe.

“I wanted to feel, smell, hear and see. But not see with my eyes and my mind only. I wanted to see with CANTE-ISTA, the eye of the heart.”

How beautiful is this? It is a way to see the world not through our eyes but through our hearts.

So is there something that my heart is not seeing or expressing?

The journaling begins as I look deeper at that.

I love the wisdom of so many different spiritual teachings, Buddhist, Hindu, Tao, American Indian, Jesus, Judaism, philosophers, poets and so much more.

So that brought me to The esoteric belief in what the third eye represents:

The third eye allows for clear thought, spiritual contemplation, and self-reflection. It is the highest chakra in the physical body, allowing it to provide a visionary perspective. The third eye also helps to determine one’s reality and beliefs based on what one chooses to see in the world.

OK- So the third eye is not only self-reflection, but how we present our own selves to the world based on what we feel inside. Again… it helps us determine our own reality and beliefs based on what we choose to SEE around us, in our worlds.

That said it all! It said everything that I try and share with my listeners. We can look at what the world wants from us. We can look at what family wants from us. But we have a choice. We can choose to SEE ourselves the way they do… or who we know we are in the deepest parts of our souls. It reminds us that when we look at the world around us we can decide what we believe. Not what others want us to believe. And that will determine the way, the values, and the truth of how we SEE ourselves.

OK… now back to me and this surgery!

Now I had to take all of this, go beyond the biological and see if there was a spiritual reason why my eyes were closing. So I journaled pieces of each of the wisdom I just shared with you to SEEEEEEE which resonated with me.

Hmmmmm…. Left side, feminine, receiving. Right side Masculine giving out…expressing… Well, there was a clue! it didn’t take long to realize that I just spent a year in lockdown from Covid. My relationship to how I saw the world was absolutely distorted and confused. My ability to express myself the way that warms my soul with friends, families, animals, the ocean, nature was drastically changed. No not changed… but stifled. And biggest picture between the politics of the last few years and Covid it was less the way I was living in this new world as it was what I SAW in the world around me. I had wanted to close myself in and protect myself and those I loved. My personal world had gotten so small…and so did my eyes.

Then I looked at Spirit, soul, third eye. So let me read to you again one of the definitions of the third eye.

The third eye allows for clear thought, spiritual contemplation, and self-reflection. It is the highest chakra in the physical body, allowing it to provide a visionary perspective. The third eye also helps to determine one’s reality and beliefs based on what one chooses to see in the world.

I think the last year I was in survival mode. Spiritual self-reflection was there in the form of trying to look deeply at myself during the marches for black lives matters and how I worked to help my countries politics reflect and align more with my own beliefs. But it’s that last few words in the paragraph that brought me right back.

The third eye also helps to determine one’s reality and beliefs based on what one chooses to see in the world.

Those are some pretty heavy words… what one chooses to see in the world. And it became pretty clear to me that what I have chosen to see in the world the last year has been painful, and heartbreaking, uplifting, and controversial. The roller coaster of my thoughts and emotions and what I SAW was so overwhelming at times that I think my eyelids got heavy. It was just so hard to look at our world. It was hard to see pain and sadness and so much death. It was so hard to see violence against people who were only trying to live out their lives or speak their truth. Though my physical world had gotten so small, truly survival mode….my world vision grew exponentially. And I think I was just plain tired!

My own self-reflection…

The world is opening up now from the Covid lockdown. But the lessons that I have learned through the last year are huge. Sitting at home healing for 2 weeks has helped me sit in contemplation and really SEE more clearly how this last year has affected me. I am so tempted to just run through the fields and streets and play and laugh and hug people, jump on a cruise, go sailing, hang with a bunch of people and their dogs. And I will! But I have realized that I need to BALANCE that with my own self-reflection while I do it.

I need to balance my inner world and outer world, my feminine and masculine, my outer vision with my third eye!

You know what they say… the eyes have it! So I am hoping that this episode may give you the inclination to look back on the last year and SEE how it has affected you, mind, body, and soul. Take your time with this. Journal, meditate. And make sure to check in with your body and how it has been affected by the last year. But mostly check in with your heart.

I will leave you with this quote from the famous Sioux chief, Chief Crazy Horse.

“I salute the light within your eyes where the whole Universe dwells. For when you are at that center within you and I am at that place within me, we shall be one.”

To all my podcast listeners, please be good to yourselves! Eat nourishing foods, drink so much water, get lots of sleep, and surround yourself with loving beings! Keep your eyes open to all that your heart and soul want you to see!

Thank you for letting me into your lives today. and I look forward to popping back in again… next time!

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes

• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR… 
MAY 29, 2021

60 Let Me Be Clear!

By

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman

I hope these past few weeks have been filled with ease, peace, and love. Those of you who have followed my podcast for the last year have probably noticed that I have begun to record them every other week instead of every week. With the world opening up again, my businesses have taken off.

One of the strange blessings of these Covid times was it freed me up to record a podcast every week. I am now pivoting once again for the next few months to accommodate this new world.

The other thing you will notice is that the podcasts are now short and sweet and filled with info that you can digest fast! It’s funny, so many of my listeners have said they love to take in the short ones for inspiration and then try and use the rest of the week to assimilate what they have learned into their day. So, alas! I’m going to keep these next few month’s podcasts short and sweet!

This week I am going to dig into what I believe is one of the most powerful phrases to live by. The words, “Let me be clear”.  Not only is it a message to the person you are speaking to, but it is a powerful message to yourself. Let’s break this down. When we are in the middle of a conflict with someone, we tend to let our emotions take over.  We often lose sight of our own truth, or more importantly our own logic. When we let our emotions take over in an argument we can pretty much guarantee that the other person will respond with emotion and not logic, too. And the whole communication goes to hell.

When you say to yourself, “let me be clear”, you are checking in first with your logical self to try and enter the conversation with clarity over what you are trying to express.  Now let ME be clear….  that doesn’t mean that your emotions are not involved. It means that you are very clear on the MESSAGE that you want to convey, versus the EMOTION you want to convey. By embracing the words… “let me be clear”, you are offering yourself a moment to truly look at what you are feeling and thinking and be able to speak your truth in the most healthy way.

“Being clear… having clarity.”

When you look up the word clarity it’s defined as being coherent and intelligible. Ok, let’s be serious how often does that happen in an argument?

So how do you do this then? 

When you are wrapped up in all of the feelings in the midst of a hard conversation you need to take a few nice deep breaths and calm down your anger, fear, anxiety, or sadness to dig deep into your soul. You clear your head, calm yourself down so that you can logically decide exactly what it is you are feeling, thinking, and needing to convey to the other person. It’s not easy to do. We tend to be so caught up in either defending ourselves or just trying to win in an argument that clarity goes by the wayside. Taking a moment to find your clarity is one of the highest forms of self-awareness. Taking a deep breath, checking in with yourself, making conscious decisions about what your needs are in the moment and what you want to convey gives you the opportunity to move forward with total conviction in telling the other person what it is you want them to know. You are combining your emotions with your logic to share your absolute truth.

So, imagine yourself in an argument.  Imagine how it can escalate.  Now imagine you stopping. Not answering for a moment..or many moments while you actually check in with yourself to figure out what you want the other person to get LOUD AND CLEAR. Now calmly and with conviction you say…LET ME BE CLEAR… this is what I want you to know.

What does that feel like? Great isn’t it? Empowering!

Now there is another side to “let me be clear”.  It can be used to ask the other person to clarify to YOU what they mean!

“Let me be clear that what you are saying is DOT DOT DOT…..”.

So often in the midst of an argument, they don’t hear us and we don’t hear them. We each hear what we want to hear. And mostly what we hear is not facts but drama, or emotion. So asking them “Let me be clear that what you are saying is…..” allows you to engage in healthy conversation based on intention and not assumptions.

I’m going to repeat that….

mostly what we hear is not facts but drama, or emotion. So asking “Let me be clear that what you are saying is…..” allows you to engage in healthy conversation based on intention and not assumptions.

In other words….

“Let me be clear so that I can understand exactly what you are trying to say to me.”

Now imagine you are the other person and you hear those words calmly being asked of you.  You are actually being validated that your thoughts are important enough to be truly listened to.

Once you approach an argument or fight this way it is up to each of you to decide whether to engage in a healthy way or not.

So here’s the thing. From this moment on there is no guarantee that the person on the other side of this argument is going to hear you. Or that they are going to even care to engage in a healthy way. There is no guarantee that it will change their minds or help solve the argument.  The only thing it DOES do is empower your voice! Empower you to understand that you have every right to state your feelings. Empowers you to take a stand for all that you believe in and all that you know you deserve because you have CLEARLY thought about it. Most importantly it empowers you to know that you demand respect and have given respect. Even if the other person can’t give it back to you.

But what I want you to walk away with from this podcast today is this.

“Let me be clear” is a message to yourself. A message that you want to communicate in the most mature way. And much Bigger picture…A message that you deserve to stand up to anyone in your world. A message to yourself that you CAN, SHOULD, and will forevermore claim your truth.

“Let me be clear that I have thought about this and here are my feelings and my thoughts and needs around this conversation.”

“Let me be clear that if you talk to me like that this conversation is over.”

“Let me be clear that I do not communicate with someone who is being aggressive to me in any way.”

“Let me be clear that I have needs and desires whether you like it or not.”

“Let me be clear to myself that I will never allow anyone to treat me disrespectively again”.

In podcast episode  #27   “I don’t do this” I delve deeper into this topic.  Please, if you haven’t listened to it, try to.  You deserve to have the tools to honor your own needs.

I hope that you practice and practice the phrase “let me be clear” as often as you can so that you embrace your own clarity and feel empowered enough to share it with the world. I hope you use this phrase as a guiding force, a compass on your amazing journey to self-awareness.

I am leaving you once again with my favorite quote of all time by Audrey Lorde.

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Beautiful beings, be good to yourselves! Drink lots of water, get lots of rest, have so much fun in your life, go after your dreams, surround yourself with loving beings, and most importantly be true to your heart!

Thank you for letting me into your life this week and I look forward to popping back in again next time!

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes

• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR… 
APRIL 24, 2021

Privacy Policy/Disclosure

Shauna Hoffman is a Marriage Family Therapist and Speaker in private Practice in Santa Clarita, CA. She gives workshops and seminars in Newhall, Valencia and all of Southern CA.

FOR APPOINTMENTS

Appointments may be made by calling (661) 714-5137 or emailing Shauna@workingonme.com