Working On Me

A Journey to Self Awareness with Shauna Hoffman

58 A Constant State Of Goosebumps with Massimo DeMarco

By

Shauna (00:02):

Hello and welcome. I’m Shauna Hoffman. I am so excited to introduce you to my guest for today’s podcast. Not only is he one of the most resilient and prolific people I have ever known, but I am lucky to call him my friend or more like my soul brother. No wonder I wanted him as the first male guest on the podcast. Massimo Noja DeMarco. Let me tell you just a little bit about Massimo. He’s the founder of Kitchen United, the first ghost kitchen in the US. He served as Vice President of Operations for SBE Entertainment. If you know, LA you know, SBE is one of the biggest entertainment organizations in this town. Previously, he covered the same role at Wolfgang Puck. Yeah. I got to go hang with him at the big Academy Awards, Gala Dinner. Massimo owned and operated restaurants in New York City LA. And he was just nominated as one of the most influential restaurant CEOs in the country. Are you wondering why he’s so amazing in the hospitality business? Yeah. Well, he’s Italian. Massimo was raised in a seven-generation family in hospitality in Italy. Welcome, Massimo.

Massimo (01:20):

Thank you, Shauna. That was a big introduction there. You know, me, you’ve known me for a long time. You know, I’m the biggest goofball that you’ll ever meet. I am, uh, I am your soul brother. I remember meeting you many years ago and just seeing a total light. You have been a guiding light through my life. Just like, uh, all the influences that came across my life. But, you know, you mentioned my family, my family, you’re a bringing is really so incredibly important on who you are. You, you got to meet my mom, you get to meet my dad. You know, these incredible people that always were with me at any moment of big decisions that I made. Whether they were there in person or not, they were always in my mind. And I always thought, how would my mom and dad feel about this?

Massimo (02:11):

How would they judge me? How would they cheer me? And so that’s always been in the back of my mind every time I made a decision, whether it was about career or, or relationships and everything else. So I’m so thrilled to be here. Shauna, you know, I love being in presence of greatness. I am in presence of greatness today. And then, and I hope that there is a lot of great, amazing people on this podcast, which I know there’s going to be. Cause I’ve heard some of your previous ones and I was blown away at the last one. I listened to it twice in a row because it was so amazing.

Shauna (02:47):

Thank you so much. Well, I’m very blessed to have people like you in my life who not only believe in me, but Massimo you and I have talked about so many deep conversations and the

profound relationship that we have as a friend. That is what gives me so much strength. There’s always somebody for me to throw around my pain, with my confusion, with, to talk to you about business relationships. God knows. We kind of grew up together here as we got old. Well, so I go, what do we talk about? We’ve delved into so many conversations from work, from pain relationships, heartache. Talk to me, brother, what are we talking about today?

Massimo (03:37):

I think that a constant in life, you and I have had is a thing that happens in life, right? But things happen for everybody. I think that as you grow up, you don’t realize that. And when I say things might be not so pleasant, things that could happen to you don’t want to call them bad things. Cause there’s no such thing as bad. It’s, it’s all a learning experience. But I think that the earlier in life that you realize that things are going to happen to you. And the more you’re going to be prepared when these things happen to you, therefore you’re going to learn quicker, how to react to all these bad things. And you’ve watched me going through many, many years of successes and failures and, and losses and all kinds of things. And those are all part of life.

Massimo (04:34):

Nobody can escape them. And so when they happen, you, you have a decision to make, you really have to choose how you’re going to go forward. The human reaction is you’re going to sit, eat a lot of ice cream cry, scream, bargain, pray to God, pray and, and, and pray again because that’s what I’ve done. Growing up Catholic. I was bargaining. I was praying. I was, I was hoping I was crying. I was getting angry. And, and that happened throughout the course of my life. Every time that something bad happened. However, I learned that every time that these things happened, the best thing for me was to accept them, and accepting what happened was incredibly, um, revealing because it helped me move forward. You can have resentment, you can have hate, you can have anger and, and especially towards someone that does you wrong, if you, you know, that people have done me wrong, maybe I deserved it.

Massimo (05:47):

Maybe I didn’t, I don’t want to go to, to that point. But the fact is that people have done me wrong. And I realized after many of these incidents that I needed to be able to forgive those people for what they had done to me, not forget. I’m not saying forget, because if you forget, then you don’t learn the lesson. But, but understanding that if you do not forgive someone that has done you wrong, you’re always going to replay that movie over and over and over into your head. And every time that you replay that movie, you are experiencing the same pain that, that you have experienced the moment that this has happened, this doesn’t do you any good? Doesn’t do you any good physically? Because you get sick, you get nauseous, you get you, and then you get upset. And then, and then mentally it doesn’t give you that peace.

Massimo (06:51):

I have learned that if I was able to forgive, I will get to peace a lot faster. You know, something happened a year ago. To me, that was devastating, absolutely devastating. And this was something that I never saw coming. However, this time I bargain and prayed and cried for only four days on the fifth day, I went on a hike and you remember, cause I called you, I went on a hike and I said, I’m going to let go. I’m going to forgive. I’m not going to forget, but I’m not going to play this over and over and over and get upset over and over and over every single time because it wouldn’t do me any good. And guess what amazing things started happening from that day on, right after that day, amazing things started to manifest into my life that, uh, that made me who I am right now, both in life and in business. So that’s one of the lessons that I’ve learned. I think there’s a lot, a lot more that I need to learn, but you know, that’s, that’s something that I am really happy that I learned about a year ago.

Shauna (08:06):

I think that’s really so profound. I always talk about the fact that when we hold onto a hurt, it’s like, it’s a thorn in our hand and we hold it tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter because we don’t want to let it go. And what is it doing to our hand? The thorn is in our hand and we’re the ones holding on so tight. And when we can finally open up our hand, take the thorn out. It can actually start healing. You don’t forget because you actually, you know, some scars are good. Some scars are there to remind us of the lessons that we have learned. And we don’t want to we’re, we’re going up this journey to awareness. We don’t want to let go of our lessons. We don’t want to pretend we never had them. We don’t want to forgive to the point where we go, Oh, it’s okay. And put it so far out of our minds that we don’t learn from the experience even ourselves and what we did in this situation to get to that point. So let’s talk about forgiveness of ourselves.

Massimo (09:10):

That’s probably the hardest one because we always tend to regret some of the bad choices that we have made. And those are harder to let go of because you’re always going to go back and say, why did I do that back then? Right. Sometimes I think, and I don’t know if this is true or not, but sometimes I think that I got maybe a little bit too cocky.

Shauna

Could it be you?

Massimo

Maybe I got a little bit Italian.

Maybe I don’t want to say arrogant because I’ve never been arrogant. I was taught better than that, but maybe it just got a little bit too comfortable with something and maybe thought that I was, uh, in a place where I couldn’t be any better that I could achieve any better because I’ve achieved so much. And I got to that point where I was like, wow, how, how am I going to top this? And, uh, and so I think the universe listens to you and it goes, Oh yeah, let me show you and knocks you right down.

Knocks you right down from your pedestal. Knocks you write down from your cushy job. Knocks you right out of your amazing friendship. That turns, turns out to be something, uh, painful. And so every time you’re knocked down, something happens to you. And as you were saying, you can look at the scar and admire the scar, but you can keep putting your finger on that scar and relieving that pain because that’s, that’s just not good.

Massimo (10:51):

And so for me, rebounding, after each of these experiences has become easier and easier because it happens so many times, right? So in a way I became, I’m not going to say I became a pro at rebounded, but you know, I’ve heard, I’ve heard people, my friends and, you know, they call me a number of names. You know, they say, Oh, you’re resilient. Uh, you know, you’re relentless, you bounce back. Uh, you’re like a cork. If they try to put you on their water, you chump right out. Um, and, and, and it’s so true. It’s really true. The more they pushed me down and the more I tend to react and say, you know what? I am here and I’m not going away. Try to put me down. I’m going to Excel so I can show you that I can Excel. I can show you that by doing the right thing, I can still Excel. And Shauna, I think I shared this with you the other day. I read a post somewhere from someone. I, I don’t even know who it is, but it hit me so hard. I think it’s one, it’s one of the most beautiful things I read in a long time. And it was a very, very short sentence. And it said they try to bury me, but they did not realize that I am a seed.

Shauna (12:10):

I love that so much. Massimo. There’s something else about you though. You are resilient. You do bounce back. I’ve always loved about you your hope. You always kept a level of hope and dreams. You know, we used to joke around when we were young, Oh, there’s my Massimo dreaming again. And yet I watch you make your dreams come true. How for you hope is a part of who Massimo is. And that’s what I’ve always known about who you are.

Massimo (12:43):

But hope is not, it’s not enough, right? Dream is not enough. Dream is beautiful because dreaming, you can, you can come up with something, something new, something beautiful, something interesting, something helpful, something that, that fills a void and a necessity in this world. But unless you act nothing is going to happen and you can act in many different ways. And a lot of people act upon their dreams and their ideas, but they’re not successful. In order for you to act on something that you want to manifest or something that you want to make happen, whether it’s a business, or generally for me, has been mostly for business, uh, having these great ideas, but then put it into practice became very, very, very hard. And I, and I boil it down to just one word for me, discipline. If you don’t have that discipline to go through and analyze every part of your business, what can go, right?

Massimo (13:44):

What can go wrong? How am I going to go, right? How am I going to go wrong? And, and habit clear plan. And then clearly the plans many times get thrown. You know, they blow up, they blow up, but then you need to learn how to pivot. How do you pivot again? You have to have that discipline to stay put because if you know that if you have to get up every morning at five o’clock to start working on your business before you get older, the meetings lined up, you have to do that. It’s like working out. I mean, I’m not going to go and throw out too many sports, um, you know, stories, but, but look at Tiger Woods. Come on. One of the most talented people and his whole entire life is still hitting balls, uh, at a driving range all day long. It is discipline. It is so important. You go back to basic every single time, train retrain yourself, retrain your mind, rewire those bad thoughts that you have as you’re going through and thinking, Oh, this is, this is bad. This is bad. No, no, no, no. Just forget about what’s bad focus on what’s good. And if you have to go to point A and point B, and there is something in between, well, go around it, you know, rewire your brain in that way.

Shauna (15:02):

And what I want our listeners, our listeners to think about is to take everything that you’ve just said and apply it to their own growth, their own. You’re talking about business, but I also know that this is who you are. This is exactly how you take on any challenge. You figure it out, you look at it, you go around it. There’s another really great story I try to remember. It was a really simple Buddhist story. And it was a man and he’s walking down the road and there’s a giant boulder in the center of the road. And he says, you know, Buddha Buddha help me. I can’t, I don’t know what to do. I need to get to the other side. I don’t know how to get there. And Buddha says we’ll just walk around it. We do that. We see a Boulder. We see something that stops us.

And we don’t realize how many different paths we have to get to the other side. So whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s a loss of a job, whether it’s a loss of a love, whether it’s just trying to find out who we redefine ourselves, there are so many ways to get around. Sometimes we have to look for help. Sometimes we have to look for another way. You once said something to me. Then I’m gonna throw out here that when you were younger, you really would wake up every morning and tell yourself a list of things. What were those things? Do you remember?

Massimo (16:46):

No. Um, it, it depends. It depends on what, at what age, but I just remember that. Well, first of all, let me just go back a little further. So when I was a child and experiencing the world through the eyes of my grandfather, who was an amazing human being and, you know, I grew up telling my father that I wanted to be like, Lorenzo. I wanted to be like his father because this, this man just, you know, look, I have goosebumps just as soon as I say his name, right. Uh, you know that my story is called “a constant state of goosebumps” because that’s when great things happen, right. When you get goosebumps is because great things happen. And so I’m going back to the experience of how my grandfather will start a day. When I spent the night at my grandparents, I would hear my grandfather when he got up in the morning, because there’s an old Italian man.

Massimo (17:38):

He smoked a pipe. So every morning when he got out of the house, he would clear his throat, you know, making that not so not so cute sound. But I woke up and I ran and I watched him and he was already standing out there with this cafe latte, with the little coffee cup that he held with both hands, because he always held it with both hands and, and brought it to his mouth with the two hands because he said that the warm of the cup warmed his soul, warmed his heart and all of that. Right. But the most beautiful part he would walk. And I would walk right behind him with my little cup of coffee latte, because, you know, couldn’t have a big one like him, but I would follow him. And I would watch him go over into his garden and go over to a plant or a tree and, and talk to the plant and talk to the tree and, and saying grace and thanking the universe and thanking God for giving him such a beautiful garden.

Massimo (18:34):

He would go to the tomato plants as soon as they started popping out. And I don’t know if you know, but in Italy, uh, Pomo D’oro, which is tomato is, is, is the golden Apple. It translates to golden Apple. So these golden apples that were coming out in his garden and all these fruits, he would go over and, and, and caress the leaves and, and saying grace and being so incredibly grateful for what you had right in front of him. And I think that that’s a lesson that I carried around. I was always very grateful for the small things. Uh, you know, I like to grow my produce as well. I think it’s because of grandfather, but, but just watching the produce, growing in your garden gives me that, that kind of kind of thing. And if you think about it, it’s not just, you know, you applied into everything, you can apply to your business because you are going out every single day and you’re going to interact with your teams and the people that you’ve hired.

Massimo (19:31):

And if you’ve hired some people you’ve, you saw something good in them, right? So these are my little Pomo d’oro my little golden apples that I want to go out and thank every single day. And I want to say grace, and I want to be grateful for having these talented people in my life, making this day, being a beautiful experience and making my company be a great success, whether it’s making money or, or, or, or other purposes in life is just having someone in your team that understands what you’re looking for in them. And you can appreciate them so that when they come to work, they know that they are appreciated. They know that you’re grateful for them. Therefore, when they understand that you have their best interest at heart, they’re going to be more loyal employees. They’re going to be more loyal friends.

Massimo (20:23):

And my hope has always been that they would take that message home with them. And as a result, become not just better employees, but become better fathers, better mothers, better husbands, better, better, better friends, better everything. Cause, you know, as you care for someone, you want to show them. So if you can show someone that you are grateful when you’re coming from work and in your, your wife just goes and opens a bottle of wine, it doesn’t matter. It brings it to you, right? It’s not that the woman needs to do that. Or the men needs to do that because it’s just a sign of caring and appreciation. Look, I don’t think I’ve ever had a date in my life that came over. You know, I love to cook. Right. And, and I love wine and all that, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a date that came over to my house.

Massimo (21:14):

And, and I didn’t say let’s go in the kitchen and make something beautiful, food-wise, um, to be precise that I didn’t want to get too inappropriate, but let’s, let’s go, let’s go and do something. Let’s go and, and get to know each other through a very creative way. You know, how we, not just how we cook it, but how we present it and how appreciative we can be when we finally bought into, uh, this beautiful dish, you know, and not just the flavors, but the look and so on. And so it’s all about putting in the work and putting that discipline into that as well. Right? It’s always about discipline doing a thing, half hat, right? I think you guys say this in America half that But if you do things half hat, you always have, you know, half hat relationships. If you start at half at business, you always have a hat, half hat business.

Massimo (22:06):

So put in what you got to put in 110%. I know that doesn’t exist, but, but, but put all in, when I used to go out and play, uh, soccer or, or, or any sports I used to put, give everything I got onto the field, I would leave everything I had on the field. Cause otherwise I would come out of the, and if we lost, if we won, I would have come out and started going, why didn’t I do that? Why don’t I do that? And guess what? We’re back to the beginning of our conversation. Why didn’t I do that? Why am I going back and replaying that bad experience and replaying that bad feeling that I had? No, let go of that. But in order for you to let go of that, it’s a lot easier to go. And you know, full-steam, don’t leave anything on the field. I mean, leave everything on the field. Don’t bring anything back. You’ll get your energy back. You’ll get your strength back.

Shauna (22:55):

I always say, it’s okay to go back and look at a situation and figure out what you could have done differently, but not stay in it. Like you’re talking about not staying in that moment, using that moment to take you into the next, to propel you, to move you forward to jumpstart the next scenarios. Yeah.

Massimo (23:13):

I agree with you a hundred percent, that that moment becomes so special. And I’m going to tell you that the moment that, that you cross over from that state of anger and this belief, and you know, my fourth to the fifth day, right? Remember my story. But last year, my fourth to the fifth day, the moment that you have crossed over, you have a rush of emotions that come over you, those goosebumps are present constantly. You get teary-eyed eyes, but you get teary. You’ve crying maybe for four days before now, your, your tears are a different kind of tears. They’re tears of joy. They’re tears of energy. They are tears of motivation. They tear of let’s go out and take the bull by the horn and just, you know, let’s say, okay, it’s time to move on. Forget about what happened in the last four days, the last week, the last month.

Massimo (24:08):

Now that moment living in that moment, being in that moment in those days is the most important part because that’s when you’re going to rebuild, right? And it might not take a day or two or three or five to rebuild. It might take a lot longer, but you want to stay in that moment where you are just feeling those emotions. If you’re going on a hike like me, those moments are the moments that are changing moments. And I always say the changing moment never comes without a good cry. And, and so I’ve gone on hikes where I was so excited about something, every realization that I just had to put something behind me and looking at something that I was going towards that were going not to walk towards, but run towards and having this, this incredible amount of emotions come into you and have a good cry and say, you know what?

Massimo (25:03):

I’m going to climb that, that Hill a lot faster while I’m crying, I might even be singing or screaming, whatever it might be. But I know that I am present in that moment. That is a creative moment where you are going to come up with something in your head. There’s going to be your next business is going to be your next idea. It’s not going to, it’s going to be the next, I don’t know, the desire of doing something for the world that makes this world a better place, right? I’m gonna, I’m gonna say one more thing very quickly. This I learned a few years ago, I was at a party and I ran into a very famous person that asked me, um, what are you happy about? What you do? What do you think when I, when you go to bed at night and I, and I said, well, the two phone numbers that I collected this afternoon from these two hot girls, I swear, I swear.

Massimo (25:51):

That’s what I said to him. And, and he goes, no, no, let’s be serious. And I say, listen, I don’t know. I think about a million different things, right? You asked me the question. That means that you have an answer for me. And now so curious, I want to know. And this man says to me, you know, I go to bed every night. And when I put my head down on my pillow, I think what have I done today to make my world a better place? And he says, my little world, it doesn’t have to be the entire world. I can’t impact the entire world. Even though people know me, but that’s not important. If I can make my world, my little world, my, my, my friends, my, my, my, my relatives, and everyone that revolves around me. If I can make a better world for them, I go to bed with a smile.

Shauna (26:36):

Massimo. That is why I have had such a profound connection to you because you such a pure spirit for everyone that’s in your life. Whether it’s somebody who’s working for you, whether it’s somebody who’s working with you, whether it’s a friend, whether it’s an ex-wife, whatever it is, you have, you come with so much love and non-judgment that it gives them a place to truly be themselves. And when we have an opportunity to truly be ourselves, then what was the line that you said, about the goosebumps? Because that’s what we’re going to call this episode.

Massimo (27:17):

A Constant State of Goosebumps.

Shauna (27:19):

When we can have that kind of relationship with ourselves, someone else, and the world we live in, we are in a constant state of goosebumps. Massimo, thank you so much for being on this episode. I am so blessed to have you in my life. And I thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Massimo (27:41):

Thank you for having me, Shauna. You know that our conversations are always filled with those goosebumps, right? They’re all, they always feel with some tears as well. But, but again, and they’re tears of joy. They’re tears of happiness, a tear of sadness, but it all comes down to something that we are both, uh, very familiar with… being grateful for, for where we are, the people that are around us. So thank you, my sister.

Shauna (28:06):

Thank you, my soul brother. Oh, everyone. I hope that you walk away from this podcast with a constant state of goosebumps. I hope you take very, very, very good care of yourself. Surround yourself with loving kind beings. Go out there, share that, share those goosebumps. Thank you for letting me into your lives this week. And I look forward to popping back in again next week.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
March 20, 2021

57 Change It Up

By

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman.

Change it up! Sometimes in our lives, we just need to switch things up to bring back our excitement, enthusiasm, our creativity again. Even our love lives! Yesterday I found myself kind of uninspired.. doing all the usual things with not so much excitement to them. And it became really clear that I needed to switch things up a bit to jumpstart my day. So today, rather than our usual walk to the park with the dogs…same old park, same old walk, we went someplace totally different. A new park! New paths, new trees, new sounds and it was truly a breath of fresh air. We were smiling and laughing. Noticing so many different things around us. It was so much fun. And I realized that we all need to do this more often. In so many ways!

For example. When my husband was importing art from the Caribbean. He would always talk to his collectors about moving the paintings on the wall around once a year. He made the point that sometimes the art on our walls becomes part of the background, they almost become like the furniture. Your artwork starts to blend into the walls. You don’t see them anymore. But when you switch out a piece of art on your walls, or in your space all of a sudden your eyes see it again. Your room looks different And your brain actually sparks in a new way. The moment that you are in… changes. Your appreciation of your space changes. You see things differently!

Listen to this…

According to The Telegraph, looking at a beautiful painting, sculpture, or another piece of art increases blood flow to the brain by as much as 10% — the equivalent of looking at someone you love.

What an easy way to get a jump start to your heart and brain! Move around your art!

I think that what happened this morning when we walked to a different park was it gave us an opportunity to see so much beauty we hadn’t seen before. It made us smile. Made us laugh more!

There is a Wayne Dwyer quote that you may have heard. I always thought about it in terms of the way we think about things. Our perception of a situation. But now when I think about the artwork in my home it even makes sense there!

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!”.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!”.

There are so many times I ask a couple what have they done out of the ordinary lately? Any new and fun activity together? A bike ride? A hike? When have they gone anyplace different? Or if you are quarantining, what can you switch up at home? Move furniture around. Make something for dinner you have never had and wanted to try? We are so past the days of Friday is fish night! Can you put down the remote or phone and play a new game together? My brother sent our whole family this game called Finders keepers. A total brain mystery game. And it gave us this great weekend adventure in our living room. Again, we changed up our routine and had so much fun.

I have couples come in to see me that say, “we have so much fun on vacations. Our marriage gets a reboot. But we can’t keep the feelings when we get home”. So the homework I give them is to change it up! Have breakfast for dinner. Go out for a walk after dinner instead of watching TV. Put on MUSIC while you are cooking! Hello, last week’s Beatle’s Music Therapy episode! Music!! Music changes the entire energy in a room, in your evening! Maybe your morning? Maybe instead of watching the morning news, you start your day with music?

Anything to change the chemistry in your brain and body. Anything to change it up! I have even started to listen to different music while I do my yoga. I had a playlist that has stayed the same for years. I thought it brought me peace. But once I changed it up I found myself feeling totally different during my practice. I was more engaged instead of going through the poses as I usually do.

We all get into routines. They make us feel safe. They may keep us on track and healthy. We get up, do our yoga or workout, shower, have our coffee, start to work.

Or maybe you haven’t found a routine that makes you feel safe and keeps you healthy. Yet, your routine is just that. You get up, start working, and don’t have a moment of spontaneity to excite you.

Change it up. The weird thing is that the tiniest change in your daily life or your environment is enough to make you feel totally different. Remember that 10% blood flow? That it’s like looking at someone you love?

Take a moment to think about one thing that you are willing to try and change today to see how it may affect you. One thing. A painting in the house. A plant that you want to put in a new place. A new kind of music you want to try? Jazz versus soul, or classical versus rock? Do you always wear the same colors? It’s funny. I never wore pink. Then one day I pulled out the only pink top I own and put it on. My husband noticed it right away! HAHA Seeing me in a new color gave his brain a new way to see me. Though I choose not to think I was becoming like the furniture or blending into the walls.

Maybe it is much bigger than that. Is there a relationship that you want to change up? Are you the one who always calls your friend so they never have a chance to call you first? And how special will it be when you give them the space to do that? Do you think you are bored in a relationship because you haven’t tried to give it some kind of new life? Whether trying something tiny or big, see what is different if you CHANGE IT UP a bit!

I guess what I want you to think about is that there is a difference between keeping things comfortable versus static. A static home, static routine, static relationship will eventually suck the energy out of you. We are growing, changing evolving humans! We have an opportunity in life to embrace all the unknown around us to help us on our journey to self-awareness.

So think about it today. Think about what you can “change-up” to inspire you, bring you joy, and jumpstart a part of your life again!

Imagine if one tiny change could change your world!

I am so glad you joined me on this podcast today. Now go out there and change it up! Change up everything and anything you can to bring you happiness. Remember to be so kind to yourself! Honor your heart. Honor your creativity. Expand your soul!

Thank you for letting me into your life this week! And I look forward to popping back in again…next week.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
March 06, 2021

56 Song Therapy From The Beatles

By

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman

I talked a little bit about song therapy in a previous podcast. This week I was listening to the Beatles and soaking it up! There is something about singing songs that remind you of your youth. And you know every lyric and guitar riff, and throw away lyrics. The Beatles sang about every emotion I have ever felt! Starting with “She was just 17”. I met my husband Bert when I was 17. It’s like our theme song! My mom sat us in front of the TV to watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan knowing it was going to be a night to remember!

So I decided that today we are going to have a little Beatles Music Therapy! Then when I’m all done recording this episode I am going to shut the door, turn off the lights, crank up some tunes and dance!

EPISODE NOTES:

So there is this thing happening to so many people right now from going on a year of Covid lock downs, and fear and confusion and total twilight zone living. They are calling it Motivation Paralysis. And boy have I felt it. I am usually so motivated for everything I do. And the last few weeks, BAM. Motivation Paralysis. Down to the smallest thing that I love to do which is make the meme’s for the podcast. I was like…eh.

So the one thing that always makes me move is music. Move physically and it wakes up my heart and my soul! I get excited. I want to dance. When I was a kid and I had a bad day I would turn off the lights and dance my heart out!

Now sadly because of music rights I can’t play any of the clips of the songs today. But with the Beatles I won’t have to. I know when I start the lyric the music will take over your mind!

There are some real obvious ones to start with. And since all I talk about over and over again is Loving yourself, staying in the moment and dealing with where you are at this instant I have the perfect song to kick this off. It was originally released as a single. Written by John, and eventually was added to the Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album. It also appeared in their movie The Yellow Submarine and on that soundtrack.

All You Need Is Love

My favorite claim and truth lines in this song are …

Nothing you can make that can’t be made

No one you can save that can’t be saved

Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time

It’s easy

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

Nothing you can know that isn’t known. Nothing you can see that isn’t shown. Nothing you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be…. It’s easy

All you need is love

All you need is love

Love is all you need

Truly!!! That kinda says it all!

When I decided to start putting together this podcast I did an internet deep dive into the Beatles most uplifting or meaningful songs. And there isn’t a question that this next one was on every list or even at the top of every list. “Hey Jude”. It was interesting to find out it was originally written as “Hey Jules” by Paul for John’s son Julian when his parents were getting divorced. Though Julian was only 5, the lyrics have touched the soul of so many of us and given us hope for years.

The lyrics that get me every time are these.

And when the broken-hearted people Living in the world agree There will be an answer: Let it be…

Here are all the lyrics. Let your mind sing them!

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid.

You were made to go out and get her.

The minute you let her under your skin,

Then you begin to make it better.

These next lyrics are for all of you who are suffering through these times…

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,

Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.

For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don’t let me down.

You have found her, now go and get her.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Now wait! Listen to these next lyrics. If this doesn’t scream self love and YOU are all you need then nothing does!

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,

You’re waiting for someone to perform with.

And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey Jude, you’ll do,

The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her under your skin,

Then you’ll begin to make it

Better better better better better better, oh.

Ok now I know you are all going…naaaa naa naa nanananaaaaa!

Next wisdom song..

I think the hardest part for so many of us during this last year is not being able to be with our friends. The healing of seeing your besties, hanging with them, laughing with them has started to take a toll on so many people. Zoom can only do so much when you’re craving a hug from your best friend. But you know… we need to take the moments we can get! Here are just some of the lyrics to one that was written by John and Paul and sung by Ringo!

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

What would you think if I sang out of tune?

Would you stand up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song

And I’ll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away?

Does it worry you to be alone?

How do I feel by the end of the day?

Are you sad because you’re on your own?

No, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mm, get high with a little help from my friends

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

OK I just love this song so much. It really says it all. And for me.. Singing out of tune is my life story. But my friends don’t walk out on me! Now that is true friendship!

There is one line from Blackbird that just resonates so much with me and for all of us during these times.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

It was written by Paul originally to address the racial strife in the South in the 1960s. Paul said later, “This was really a song from me to a black woman, experiencing these problems in the States: ‘Let me encourage you to keep trying, to keep your faith; there is hope.”

This year has been a time for people of color to truly arise. To be heard, to be truly seen. This song resonates for so many of us on a different level. So many people around the world who feel that their wings have been broken through this last year. We all need to learn how to fly again!

This year has been the most trying one in a long time for our world! I started to list them but just stopped the recording and deleted all of them. Suffice it to say that we all have made it through! You are here listening to this podcast and I am here sharing it with you. Hallelujah! ,So I am going to end the Beatles’ wisdom song therapy with this one by George! Beautiful, soulful George Harrison.

Here Comes The Sun

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter

Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces

Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting

Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

To all of you my amazing listeners I say… Here comes the sun. We will get through this. We will take our broken wings and learn to fly! We will take a sad song and make it better. All with a little help from our friends! Because you know…All you need is love! Share this episode with any of your friends that need a little music therapy!

Now take such good care of yourselves! Drink lots of water, eat nourishing foods and surround yourself with loving beings! And maybe make a song list that you can play for yourself as you close your door, turn off your lights and dance your heart out!

Thank you for letting me into your life this week! And I look forward to popping back in again, next week.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
February 27, 2021

55 Fear or Anxiety? Just Yell Stop!

By

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman,

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” ~Audrey Lorde

If you have ever gotten an email from me you will see that this is the sign-off quote I use. 

Today we’re going to talk about fighting through your fears. Sometimes they are real life fears…survival, illness, money, job loss. And sometimes they are perceived fears of the unknown. Like fear of change or all the “what if’s” that we tend to obsess on.  Or the big emotional ones like, “what if they don’t love me anymore. I’m not sure I can survive alone”. The word fear is sooooo big and so misunderstood and so confused with other emotions that often finding the tools to fight it off, or handle it or even recognize it becomes such a challenge.  So we are going to knock the hell out of what fears look like and how to control it on today’s podcast.

Let’s talk first about the fact that sometimes it is not fear you are experiencing. But Anxiety! You see, both of them have the same physical response in your body. The Fight or flight syndrome. Let’s go back to the caveman days and what our body did when a mammoth was coming at us. We would either fight it or run like hell from it. Fight or flight. In order to do that your body kicked in to help. You breathe shallower to send the oxygen to the brain, the blood leaves your stomach and abdomen and is sent to your heart to beat faster. It’s then sent to your extremities to fight or run. It’s sent to your brain to think fast. And then your sympathetic nervous system kicks in and chemicals go raging through your body to help!  Hormones, Adrenaline, Noradrenaline and a whole lotta other chemicals with really long names. The big picture is that you are ready to fight back or run!

So it makes total sense that we get confused between real fears and what is really anxiety. After all, our body can’t tell the difference.  Except for this… with real fears, like a mammoth coming after you, once you are safe you go into what is called recovery mode. Well with today’s fears and anxiety it seems that the mammoth is never gone. It’s still stalking us. So we never recover. And our body, mind and spirit suffer. Exhaustion, depression, ulcers, stomach problems, headaches, body aches. And those just add to the fear and anxiety you already have!

What the hell!!!

So the first thing I want to help you do is differentiate if you are anxious or truly fearful. That means that you need to look at the facts! God I love that word!  Facts! When we get anxiety or fear we tend to go into what I like to call a hallucination. We build on the facts of what we know and start to imagine all the worst that can come of it. So the very first thing you need to do is STOP! Stop and look at the facts about what you are afraid of.  IN THE MOMENT!  Not what could happen next. This means that you really need to see if the facts are valid and true for where you are and what you are experiencing. Or are you looking into an imaginary crystal ball and trying to tell your future. For instance.. valid fear.. I lost my job… valid fear… I need to see how to pay my bills. Invalid fear and future telling… Oh my God, I will never get another job like this one. Who’s going to hire me?  I am going to lose my house. Oh gees, my girlfriend will leave me now for sure!

OK seriously? Do you see what I am talking about with future telling? All this person knew is that they lost their job. Who’s to say if they won’t get an even better one? Who’s to say that they won’t end up getting paid twice as much and loving it even more?  But the fear cycled into dread and a huge wheel of suffering.I love to say to my clients, ”Wow, if you have a crystal ball and can tell the future you really can make a fortune! What are you afraid of?”

Now why is it that when fear overtakes us we tend to cycle into more and more fear? My best answer is because you have not yet trained your defense mechanisms into positive thinking. Yup. The old…the glass is half full versus half empty. After all, if you really don’t know the future why would you constantly choose the worst case scenario? Because you are allowing the fear to snowball out of control!

STOP! Then look at the facts and only the facts! Stick with the evidence that you have before you. And that may mean that you only have today to look at!

Today! Now that brings me to your NEXT TIP!! Stay in the present!  What are the facts today? What are the good things you know today that can help you navigate the fear? Look at your support system; human, financial and otherwise! Look at the people who are there for you! Then put a plan into action. Fear will freeze you from action. Don’t let it. Come up with a plan! Look at how many times you have survived a challenge in the past! How have you gotten through it before?

But most importantly, look at you and all you have to offer the world. When fear or anxiety overtakes us the worst part about it is that we lose track of all that is true about who we are and all that we have to offer those around us and the world. Fear becomes this black curtain that stops us from seeing reality. And the worst part is that the reality that gets lost is who we are. All of the beauty that is us. All of our past learning lessons and our massive moments of growth. When we are in fear we forget. We forget the beauty and the strength that got us to today in the first place.

So the first thing to do is reach out to someone who remembers. Someone you trust who knows you. It can be hard at first because oftentimes have you been in fear and tried to explain it to someone and they jump back with all of this positive stuff that they can see but you can’t? And usually it just pisses you off.

This is the moment that we have to trust those that we love more than we trust ourselves. Listen to the people that you trust to help you get off of the wheel of suffering.  Now the FACT here is that it needs to be someone who is being compassionate about your fear, not judging you, but who you trust enough to help you see through the darkness and the fear. Someone who loves you and sees all of you.

HA! And someone with really good communication skills!  Because sadly when we are in fear our communication skills go haywire. And on that note I want to remind you of one big pitfall. Often when we become afraid we don’t see those around us the way they truly are.  We become harsher on those we love who love us. When you are anxious or afraid, one of your biggest challenges will be to NOT throw all of your negativity onto those around you. Now let me be clear!  That doesn’t mean that you don’t turn to them for help! It means you don;t turn ON them when they do. They are not the mammoth chasing you. Try and remember that.

Big picture with all of these hints is that I want you to find some way to actually become aware of the fight or flight syndrome you are experiencing and control it so it does not control you. You have to get back into recovery mode. In recovery mode you will think clearer, problem solve better and your entire mood and body will change because of it. So reach out to someone who can help you do that. A friend, a therapist or counselor. Sometimes even your dog or cat will be the one to sit next to you and drag you back to the moment! Listen again to podcast episode 50. An animal can heal your soul. The thing about our animals is that they only see you and all of your love. And sometimes that’s all it takes!

Probably one of the best books ever written is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I am going to let a passage of his wrap up everything I just said and then some.  Enjoy!

“IF YOUR OVERALL SITUATION IS UNSATISFACTORY or unpleasant, separate out this instant and surrender to what is. That’s the flashlight cutting through the fog. Your state of consciousness then ceases to be controlled by external conditions. You are no longer coming from reaction and resistance. Then look at the specifics of the situation. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do to change the situation, improve it, or remove myself from it?” If so, take appropriate action. Focus not on the hundred things that you will or may have to do at some future time but on the one thing that you can do now. This doesn’t mean you should not do any planning. It may well be that planning is the one thing you can do now. But make sure you don’t keep running “mental movies” that continually project yourself into the future, and so lose the Now. Any action you take may not bear fruit immediately. Until it does — do not resist what is.”

Be good to yourself this week! Drink lotsa water, eat nourishing foods and surround yourself with loving beings. Thank you for letting me into your life this week. And I look forward to popping back in again next week.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
February 20, 2021

54 Our Podcast Anniversary Lovefest

By

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman

I am so excited for this episode because Valentines Day is the one year anniversary of the launch of this podcast!  One year!  Wow…  did I ever think when I started it that today would come?  And…and… we hit 3000 downloads this week! That just blew me out of the water to think about.  I started this podcast with the sole purpose of being able to help people on their journey to self-awareness.  A journey that sometimes is so gentle and uplifting and other times can be so painful and hard.  Every listener that I have is in a different place at the time they hit play on the podcast.  But for me knowing that I could be there for you through this process is what brings me so much joy.  And what you don’t know is how much you have been there for me! Every download, every like, every comment was a way for me to know I was helping. But it was searching for the theme of every podcast that was my own journey to awareness.  Many times the topic for that week had something to do with something going in on my own life. Or something going on in the world that I knew if I discussed on the podcast it would bring me answers or insight that I needed. Working through it on the podcast with my listeners was like my own therapy. Other times the topic was brought on by an issue I was helping a client with. So I knew that if I could go into more depth on the podcast they would get more relief or answers. 

I thought it may be fun if today if I took you on a behind the scenes tour of the podcast world… in other words…the journey to awareness of the journey to awareness podcast!

Ha… all of a sudden I thought of the song from The Sound of Music.. Remember the lyrics.. you start at the very beginning… a very good place to start…  Well, the beginning of this podcast was truly inspired by my brilliant friend, Jody Colvard. Jody Colvard is the founder/ CEO of FMG Networks, Voices of Women, and The Podcast School, she is a powerhouse that empowers writers, speakers, and experts to share their voices and messages through podcasting, radio, and TV. And she truly inspired me and set me on the right track. I learned everything from her. She helped me get the website ready to launch. She is the brains behind all of the production of this podcast. and lucky for me, she taught me how to edit the podcast each week.  Or more likely, lucky for her.  Because this was definitely a work in progress!  This podcast would not have happened, I promise you if it were not for Jody Colvard.  So here, my Goddess friend, I say thank you!!!

I think what I want to share with all of you about this process is that I really knew nothing except my topic and I had my speaking abilities. But with the right support system, I went for it.  I am sharing this with you because I hope it may inspire you to go after some dream you have that you may be clueless about how to actually do! I am hoping that you can believe in yourself enough to surround yourself with people who also believe in you and who have the knowledge you may not have.  It really is ok to not be adept at something and still start it! We learn so much from our mistakes and every time we have a new accomplishment it is THE most empowering feeling!

Ha.. ok, that reminds me of an experience that we had with our Sailing instructor.  Many of you know I am a sailor and love to use sailing analogies when I speak or write.  Well, we were out on our boat the Illusion. I was having the best time and felt so confident.  Then at one moment, I was about to tack…which means to change the sails so I can change the direction we are going. Then all of a sudden our sailing instructor said. “Wait are you going to do that?” I froze and said, ”Why?  What?  Shouldn’t I”.  He said nonchalantly, “It’s up to you, you’re the captain.” Then I said, “But am I about to make a mistake?”.  He answered,” I don’t know, try it, you’ll soon find out!”.  OMG! Really? So, I really had to think it through and decide what to do.  After a minute I realized that I did know the answer! And what I was about to do was totally fine!  So, I did it and he laughed!  Seriously I was like “You put me through hell for a moment!”  His answer was “No… you put yourself through hell.” 

You see, He was just empowering me to be confident in my choices.  I had hired the best and he taught me right.  At some point, I had to believe in myself.

I think we so often second guess ourselves and that stops us dead in our tracks. But when we are truly self-aware we can take a moment to check-in and see the truth within. We have the opportunity in every moment to put other people’s voices aside…or for that matter…our own negative voices… to find the answers within. And better yet to realize we already have them! Truly that negative voice is hella loud!  We have to shut it down so we can hear that soft confident and honest voice that knows us better than anyone. The one that says yes! You’ve got this!

OK, back to this podcast.  I had the best support system with Jody teaching me. I knew the knowledge I had to offer to my listeners and I just had to do it. So one year ago I decided to allow myself to NOT BE perfect! To allow myself to make mistakes along the way. And to allow myself to grow. But I could do it all because I had a mission to help people find happiness. To find those places within that need to grow. To find forgiveness for themselves and others and maybe to laugh along the way! Deep within me, I knew why I wanted to do this and all I had to do was start.

Ok back to the behind the scenes tour. After I record and edit the podcast, Jody takes it and adds the intro and outro, and uploads it into the podcast platforms and my website. And now it is out in the world! But how do people find it? Enter social media! OOOOh I must admit it is the weakest part of this process for me. I absolutely love making memes with my quotes or other people’s quotes.  But that’s where it ends. So, I finally hired Social Media experts to do it right!  Again! It was admitting that I sucked at something so I could get help. Wait a minute! I didn’t have to be a pro at everything? Uhhhh no.  Now I have these two brilliant souls, George and Sam who do it for me.  Ya know…It’s just fine to check your ego and get help! It’s also fine to let other’s be there for your dream as long as they believe in you and your message! “Hashtag…surround yourself with loving beings”.

But what I also learned is that it was word of mouth from my listeners and all of you sharing the podcast that made the biggest difference.  I have people send a link to a friend who may need it or a partner who is not hearing them and they think the podcast will help. FYI- Biggest shared episode for couples. episode #39 The Art of Healthy Fighting. I have newly single men or women who are reinventing their lives. I have therapists and healers that share it with their clients. I have mom’s and daughters that listen to it together. This really brought me back to the WHY of this podcast. My purpose… the podcast’s purpose… to make a difference in people’s lives.

And THAT is also why the podcast had a massive name change and new branding. The initial name was Guy Free Working On Me, based on my book.  It was for ALL women on their journey, whether in a relationship or not.  It was meant to show that you need to find yourself whether in a relationship or not in order to find happiness.  Well hell… a big lesson in branding there! It missed a whole audience I was trying to reach. Then I heard about so many men who were listening and that was it… name change to… A Journey To Awareness.

One of the things I have found fascinating is the way I can track the messages people need to hear by watching the downloads. The most downloaded episodes seem to track 2020 perfectly. My most downloaded episode was also the hardest one for me to do Episode #21 The Great Unlearning. It was recorded the week of the Black Lives Matter protests. So many podcasters went quiet that week. For me, I looked deep within to truly explore my own prejudices and where they came from. It was very hard to do but again…it was a podcast that by helping all of my listeners look within, I helped myself.

The second most downloaded podcast went up the week of the election. Episode #42, Calgon Take Me Away! HA!  We all needed to take a deep breath and find a way to relax that week! It was funny because I was afraid to call it that for fear that my younger listeners may not get the reference. But I promise you I took many a relaxing bath that week! To this day it’s my favorite episode to send my clients to who are having a stressful week.

And right along with the world my last podcast of 2020, Episode #49 The Gift of Time is the next most downloaded episode. We all needed…and may STILL need a way to re-imagine 2020. What brought me peace was realizing that for so many of us 2020 was a gift of time to be with loved ones, not work so hard, work on ourselves, get creative and so much more. I hoped it gave my listeners a change in perception!

Now my most FUN episode I recorded for my birthday week. Oh, please, please, please go listen to it!  Episode #30 “Your Wisdom Day. Ain’t It Fab?”  I had such a great time rethinking what it means to get older. I imagined our lives if we could just have this counter that marked our wisdom growth versus our age, we would WELCOME that number going up! “Oh yes! Got through that fight and learned a lesson”.. DING DING DING  Your Wisdom age has just gone up!  It was really a fun episode for me. Feel free to send it to your friends on their birthday!

And then there are the episodes with a guest. I LOVE these!  It is so much fun to hear their stories. It’s even more fun to share their wisdom, their books, their podcasts. Andra Millian, Acupuncturist healer… kicked me into gear on taking care of me.  Victoria Fye, a therapist who with total dedication took 17 years to go after her dream of being a social worker and helping humanity. The fricking amazing LaVelda Conrad who shared her story on episode #11 about going from an abused woman, wife, and mother, through addiction to learning all about nature, wildlife, and herself as she became …wait for it…an African Safari Guide! Really I could hear her story of reinvention over and over again! Then there was episode 51 Sail Above the clouds with Carole Fontaine. OK… listen to it then go get her book!

There is nothing I love more than empowering men and women! Bring in Laura Piening to talk about Power on Episode #32, Episode 35 with Molly Lyda where she talks about women empowerment especially in the dating world. And then the quote-unquote “badass Britt Bolnick” who talks about success through perseverance. Truly this woman is badass and shows you how to be the same.

And that brings me back to this… the One Year anniversary of A Journey To Awareness. It’s Valentine’s Week.  What if you made this week a lovefest to yourself? A lovefest to your own dreams? A lovefest that gives you permission not to be perfect? A Lovefest where you surround yourself with amazing humans who adore you and believe in you? A lovefest where you LOVE ALL of your imperfections and see them as an opportunity? An opportunity to truly get to know the you that is deep inside? A lovefest that says yes yes yes you are fricking amazing and with the right support and people surrounding you can do anything you dream of? A lovefest where you walk away from toxic relationships and rise up to say I DESERVE?  A Lovefest where you stop judging your body or your age or your faults but instead ADORE all that your body can do for you… in all its nuances? A lovefest of the most magnificent kind!

And then with all of that love, you spread your gifts to the world. And more importantly… you receive all the gifts and the love the world has to offer you.

You know none of that list is unachievable. In fact, all of it is totally achievable! If you are willing to look within.  If you are willing to take that beautiful magical and unbelievably healing Journey to awareness!

I love this quote by Oscar Wilde”To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”Happy Valentine’s week everyone! May the romance endure and fill your soul!

To all of you, my sailing partners on this journey thank you for allowing me to come along. Now go forth this week in self-love as you eat the most nourishing foods, drink lots of water, get so much rest, be kind to yourself, surround yourself with loving beings, and believe in your dreams!

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
February 13, 2021

Privacy Policy/Disclosure

Shauna Hoffman is a Marriage Family Therapist and Speaker in private Practice in Santa Clarita, CA. She gives workshops and seminars in Newhall, Valencia and all of Southern CA.

FOR APPOINTMENTS

Appointments may be made by calling (661) 714-5137 or emailing Shauna@workingonme.com