Childhood

Passion is your Spark, Purpose is your Soul

June 25, 2025 By Shauna

Welcome to A Journey to Awareness, today we are going to have some fun as we kick off this episode as a follow up to the last episode! We are going to play with the space within ourselves where we explore how to live more authentically, more purposefully, and more in tune with who we really are and what brings us happiness. Today’s episode is for anyone who’s ever asked the question: What am I supposed to be doing with my life?

We’re talking about two powerful forces that shape a meaningful life — passion and purpose — and how do we find both?

SHOWNOTES

Hello, and welcome to A Journey to Awareness, I’m Shauna Hoffman. Oh today we are going to have some fun as we kick off this episode as a follow up to the last episode! We are going to play with the space within ourselves where we explore how to live more authentically, more purposefully, and more in tune with who we really are and what brings us happiness. Today’s episode is for anyone who’s ever asked the question: What am I supposed to be doing with my life?

We’re talking about two powerful forces that shape a meaningful life — passion and purpose — and how do we find both?

First, what is the difference Between Passion and Purpose?

Guess what? Passion and purpose are not the same thing. And that’s actually great news.

Passion is what excites you. That spark that makes you smile! That energy that jumpstarts your heart a little or a lot! And it’s creativity! Passion fuels your creativity. It opens your thoughts and mind to think and feel differently. And in the end passion is what fills your heart with joy! It’s the thing you love to do — even if no one’s watching.

Now let’s differentiate this from passion for another person! We are not talking about romantic passion. We are talking about your passion for something, not someone! Unless that someone is you! It’s a passion for something within yourself!

You might love to write, design, cook, hike, teach, or play music, speak, do yoga, play sound bowls, hang with dogs or cats or llamas. That’s your passion — it’s what lights you up, brings a smile to your face and a warmth in your heart.

Purpose, on the other hand, is deeper. It’s the why behind your life. It’s what gives your actions meaning. Purpose is often reflective of your morals, ethics and values. It can show up in how you help others, humans, animals, the planet, yourself. It’s what you stand for, or what you want to change in the world.

So here’s the difference in one line:
“Passion excites you. Purpose is what fulfills you.”

Now back to Passion… so, how do you find your passion? We talked a little bit about this in the last episode. But it can’t hurt to revisit it again today!

You follow your energy! This means that you take some time to become self aware. aware of self! HA! This podcast! A Journey to Awareness!

Ask yourself …When do I feel most alive? What am I doing? Or when I’m doing something I don’t like what do I wish I was doing instead? What feels like that thing that throws a huge smile on your face? Think about it right now and see if anything pops into your awareness.

Sometimes when we revisit our younger self we get clues as to what is still deep inside us that is waiting to come out again.

What did you love before life got serious? Remembering childhood passions often will jumpstart your adventure towards finding passion again. Or maybe it was something you loved when you were young that needs to be tweaked a bit to fit the you of today. When I was young we couldn’t have a dog. I lived in a condo with my mom, three brothers and our beloved cat. One more animal would be too much for a single mom to handle. But my soul longed for a dog of my own. So my best friend and I would walk the dogs in the neighborhood for hours on end! Often these dogs would never have gotten walks if it weren’t for us. Now I have my own dogs and I work with rescue to help dogs all over SoCal. Dogs are a passion of mine! AHHH but wait! I am crossing a bit into purpose… more on that in a bit!

You may still not know where your passion is. You just may not have found it yet! Try to find it without pressure. Don’t make it a stressful, What is my passion? Why don’t I know, obsession. Because then it becomes a chore. And when passion becomes a chore it will take all of the magic away. Think of it as an adventure! You are going down different paths on the way to finding your pot of gold!

Many of you are still asking, how do I find it? Where do I find the paths to go down? Here are some more ideas. There is an app called Meetup.com. I have so many of my clients peruse this app to see if there are any local fun groups to try out that spark something inside them to just try out. You meet likeminded souls and you try your hand at different things that may fill a long lost need in you. Or take a class in something that you have always wanted to try. I had a friend that wanted to learn how to make pottery. Talk about sparking her creativity and her creativity being brought to life!

You could join a group. Explore. Passion comes from action, not just desperately searching inside you to see what fits your soul. It can be like a dormant seed waiting to push up out of the dirt. Just water it and you will see it’s beauty! But you have to water it!

Try these journal prompts:

What do I get lost in?
What would I do if no one was watching?
I love this one…What makes me feel like me?
What is someone else doing that I am kinda jealous of… or wishing I could do?

You don’t have to commit forever. Just get curious. One tiny thought at a time. Then one tiny step to discover if you can find a spark in something you are journaling about.

Now let’s talk about purpose — the meaning piece.

Purpose usually grows slowly. Don’t rush it. Let it unfold. Your purpose does not have to be altruistic to the world. It may just be altruistic to you. Someone who grew up in an unhealthy family finds purpose in creating a beautiful safe home for their children. Someone who fought an illness and survived finds purpose in enjoying and giving thanks for every breath they take, every day they live now. For a survivor finding a purpose of filling their life with joy is absolutely not a selfish purpose. It is a much deserved purpose that brings the world one more smiling soul. And then the ripple affect occurs! Their smile ignites another person to smile and on and on!

Your purpose can be as small as feeding all the hummingbirds in your neighborhood. Maybe you have a passion for those tiny creatures and now they have given you a purpose to help them survive. And that brings me back to my love of dogs and how I turned my passion into a purpose by working in dog rescue during one of the hardest times in rescue history. One of my passions that is now one of the most profound purposes I live for. Don’t get me wrong! I have so many passions! Sailing! Travel! Lunches with my besties! But the one that I have combined into my purpose is animal rescue.

Look at your story.

What have you overcome? Often, purpose is born from pain, healing, or transformation.

Ask what you care about deeply.

What breaks your heart or fires you up? That’s a hint.

Think impact, not job title.

Your purpose isn’t limited to a career. It’s what you’re here to give, sometimes to others and sometimes to your self…

Here are some Journal prompts:

What do I want to be remembered for?
Who do I feel called to help?
What injustice or need moves me to act?

Here’s something people don’t say enough:
Your passion and your purpose can and probably will change. What you loved at 25 might not fulfill you at 45 or 60 or 80. Your purpose may evolve as you grow, face loss, become a parent, or change careers, experiment with life and new experiences, retire, get divorced, have kids!That’s being alive. We are not stagnant beings. In fact when we are stagnant is when depression creeps in!

When pickle-ball became the rage I watched a friend in her 40s find a new passion! When a client of mine got divorced in her 50’s she tried ballroom dancing and all of a sudden she is consumed with it in the most wonderful ways. And she lost 20 pounds dancing it away! Her new passion. But it became her purpose, to heal her soul after divorce and show others that it may do the same for them.

You’re allowed to outgrow things. You’re allowed to pivot. You’re allowed to rediscover yourself again and again and again.

Let yourself evolve. Passion and purpose aren’t final destinations — they’re living, breathing parts of your journey.

Here is the wonder…

When your passion and your purpose align? That’s magic.
Here are some Examples:

A photographer (passion) who captures stories for nonprofits (purpose)
A teacher (purpose) who brings theater into the classroom (passion)
A gardener (passion) who teaches people how to grow their own food (purpose)

Not everyone gets there overnight. And not every passion needs to become your purpose. But when the two touch — it can be profound. But let’s be clear. They do not have to coincide. You can find your passion in one place and your purpose somewhere else.

OOOOH. Now let’s look at the science behind it all! First Purpose!

This isn’t just feel-good talk — science backs it up.

People who have a strong sense of purpose live longer.
One large study found they had a 15% lower risk of death — even when accounting for age, income, and health status.”

Let’s look at mental health and resilience:

Purpose doesn’t just add meaning — it acts like a buffer.
It protects us. People with purpose have lower rates of depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse.
It’s like an emotional immune system.”

Physical health!

Want to hear something crazy?

Having purpose is linked to a 33% lower risk of stroke or heart attack. That’s right — it’s not just good for your soul. It’s good for your heart.”
Your brain is literally wired for meaning.
When you’re connected to your purpose, studies show your brain’s reward centers light up — and so does your decision-making and self-control.”

Now let’s talk about passion:

Passion brings its own benefits, too.

People who regularly engage in something they love show higher life satisfaction, greater persistence, and less burnout — especially if they do it for the love of it, not just the outcome.
It’s a kind of passion that fuels joy, not stress.”

I love this!

People with purpose report higher quality sleep, according to the Sleep Science Journal.
College students with a clear sense of purpose are less likely to suffer from academic burnout, and more likely to report better mental health.
In a 2022 Gallup survey, only 20% of people said they feel passionate about their work — but those people were 3x more likely to report high overall well-being.
A study of retirees found that those with a sense of purpose were less likely to develop mobility issues or disability over time.

It always comes back to the mind- body connection!

🛎️ So here’s what I want you to contemplate from this podcast:

Passion is what excites you.
Purpose is what fills your soul.
You don’t have to figure it all out at once.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
You are becoming — as this podcast is named… you are on a Journey to Self Awareness!

You just need a little curiosity and a little courage.

I love this quote by Mark Twain.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

— Mark Twain

If this episode helped you, share it with someone who might be in a time in their life that would benefit from hearing it, too.

Now, beautiful listeners… go forth and have some fun! Play, learn and keep listening to the whisper inside you. It knows the way.

Have a fabulous week! And don’t forget to drink lots of water, eat nourishing foods, and surround yourself with loving beings.

Thank you for joining me today,.. and I look forward to popping into your life again next time!

It’s Not The Relationship. It’s The Missing Piece Inside Yourself

June 11, 2025 By Shauna

Today we’re gonna talk about something that is extremely common and also can be very enlightening. You are in a relationship and something in you feels off. You feel tired, you’re drained. You might have some level of depression. There is something that’s missing in you and you don’t know why. You might find yourself crying for no reason. You’re getting short with the person you’re supposed to love. And all of a sudden you begin to wonder, am I unhappy because of them? You start imagining leaving them. Maybe that will fix it. Maybe once you’re free of this person, once you are free of the weight of this relationship, then the sadness, and the emptiness will lift.

Well, what happens when you leave and the weight is still there? Guess what? It was never the person in the first place. It was the part of you that you’ve been ignoring! You weren’t sad because they weren’t enough. You were sad because you weren’t enough! You weren’t enough for yourself! Let me say that again… you weren’t sad because they weren’t enough. You were sad because you weren’t enough for yourself!

SHOWNOTES

Hello and welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman. Today we’re gonna talk about something that is extremely common and also can be very enlightening. You are in a relationship and something in you feels off. You feel tired, you’re drained. You might have some level of depression. There is something that’s missing in you and you don’t know why. You might find yourself crying for no reason. You’re getting short with the person you’re supposed to love. And all of a sudden you begin to wonder, am I unhappy because of them? You start imagining leaving them. Maybe that will fix it. Maybe once you’re free of this person, once you are free of the weight of this relationship, then the sadness, and the emptiness will lift.

Could it be that when you entered into this relationship you stopped chasing your dream! You buried your ambition in the soft comfort of the relationship and then you got mad at the other person when it didn’t fill the hole in your soul? Maybe your dream was music or writing, starting that nonprofit, going back to school, traveling, opening that amazing bookstore that you always talked about. For whatever reason you didn’t follow that dream and now you think what is missing is in the relationship when what is really missing is a longing deep within you.

Wow this realization can hit like a wave. You’re not heartbroken because the relationship is wrong. You’re restless because you’re off course. Here is a fact! Your soul doesn’t care who’s next to you in bed If you’re not waking up to something that lights your own fire. When we don’t find what sparks us, we project our disappointment on the people closest to us. And often it’s our partners that bear the weight.

So what now? You don’t have to blow up your relationship. You don’t need to walk out. But you do need to walk toward something! Pick up that dream and dust it off. Look your partner in the eye and say I have been thinking about the fact that I’ve blamed you for something that’s actually about me. I wanna find my spark again. I need to find my spark again and I hope you’ll support me! And if they are the right person they will. Because it was never about escaping them, it was about returning to you.

One of my clients asked me how do we do that if we don’t know what our passion is. We don’t know what our spark is. We have been so involved in being a mom or a dad, paying the bills or filling the roles that other people want that we really have no idea what little message is gnawing at us wanting to be brought to life.

It’s perfectly normal to be unsure. I’ll give you a personal example. Before I became a therapist. I had a thriving cruise business, theater company, happy marriage. But then all of a sudden I felt like something was missing. I started to blame everything around me for my unhappiness instead of realizing that there was a piece inside me that I wasn’t listening to.

First of all, I’m going to say that I think there are so many sides of our personality, our dreams. I loved owning my own business, working for myself. I loved to travel. I had fulfilled that by starting a theater company that I could actually take on cruise ships because I love the ocean. I love being on the water. But then I realized that everything was about me and I needed a way to give back. At that point I was producing videos on A Course in Miracles with Marianne Williamson, so spirituality and spiritual psychotherapy was fascinating to me. But I still wasn’t giving back one on one. So I searched and searched for a place to volunteer and decided to start tutoring children struggling to learn how to read.

Then one day I was tutoring this 12 year old boy and I realized that I was working really hard to get him to believe in himself. We were spending time in front of a mirror saying, Repeat after me. I’m smart. I’m smart. I’m smart. I can do this. His parents were very cruel and put this little boy down so much that he had no belief in himself. And all of a sudden I realized I wasn’t tutoring him, I was doing therapy with him! And that’s when it hit me. I think I wanna become a therapist. So owning a business, having a life filled with husband and animals, travel and acting, writing, directing, and everything that I was doing I still decided to go back and get my master’s degree. I knew it was going to be a long haul and I hadn’t been back in school in 12 years, but I did it anyway. I decided to take it day by day and see if this would fulfill my soul. And now here I am… it did.

Now I have so many different businesses it’s ridiculous. I have a Therapy business. I have a podcast. I have a travel business. I have a speaker trainer business, I have a theater company, I rescue collies and I love all of it and now every piece of me is being honored.

Ok, enough about me…the point is you might not know where your passion is leading you or what your passion even is!

But I’m gonna tell you this. You’re not behind! You’re on a path! Each step that I took, each revelation that I had, brought me to a different experience. And each different experience helped me realize what my heart was longing for. And in the end, it was never about being happy with my relationship, my home, the town I lived in. There was nothing I needed to escape from. What I needed to do was go towards something! Not leave anything behind, but move towards something on a path that would bring me happiness.

I know there are many of you that have no idea what your passion or purpose is. First of all, I’m gonna say your purpose and your passion might not be the same thing. And because of that, it’s a whole ‘nother podcast and subject to delve into. So for now I wanna bring it all back to what we started to talk about. And that is, that often times when we feel like something is missing in our relationship. It might not be the relationship. It’s something that’s missing inside of you.

Ask yourself… What piece of me feels empty? Am I sharing myself with the world in ways that bring me joy? Is there something about myself that I am longing for? Something to learn? Something to do? Something to share? Then sit back and listen! Listen to your heart! Journal about what you dreamt of as a child? Look around you and see what makes you happy! Do you want to go back to school? Write a novel? Or just learn how to grow roses? I love this idea…Go to a bookstore and peruse the magazine section and see which one you want to pick up! Photography? Gardening! Astronomy? Hiking? A magazine on reptiles or dogs or llamas!

Follow Your Energy

As yourself: When do I feel most alive? What tasks feel like a “yes”?

2. Look Backward

Childhood clues — what did you love before people told you what you “should” do?

3. Explore Without Commitment

Try a class, volunteer, shadow someone, dabble.

4. Journal Prompts to Reflect On

What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?
What do people ask me for help with?
What have I always secretly wanted to try?
I like this one. What do you feel slightly jealous of that someone else is doing? This is a great clue as to what you long for in your life!

My friend Marianne Williamson says “When we are centered in joy, we attain our wisdom.”

And I want to take that a step further and say …when we are centered in the wisdom of our soul, we will find true joy.

Again…when we are centered in the wisdom of our soul, we will find true joy.

Oh beautiful listeners, take tiny steps to find what touches you deep inside! It will be your next step on your glorious journey to self awareness!

I hope this episode has sparked something in you that you didn’t know was missing, or was hiding in the deep spaces of your heart. I hope this helps you continue on your journey! I hope you do so with gentle kindness towards yourself!

Please take wonderful care of yourself! Eat nourishing foods, drink lots of water and surround yourself with loving beings.

Once again, thank you for letting me into your lives this week and I look forward to popping back in again…next time!

React or Respond, It’s Your Choice

May 8, 2024 By Shauna

I have said in many a podcast that we really are programmed. It’s as if our brain or our heart has been programmed by our past successes, our past experiences, our past communications and our past hurts. And along with all of that comes defense mechanisms. So what is a defense mechanism? It’s what REACTIONS we have created and even nurtured to defend ourselves against harm.

For instance, if someone had an abusive parent that never listened to them their usual REACTION may be to keep quiet so as not to get hurt, or leave the situation. Defending against harm. So this reaction as an adult may be to just get quiet in a fight, shutting down, shutting off or to and leave and escape the confrontation. That is not communicating or “responding” to the situation. It is reacting.

Join me today as we explore React or Respond, It’s Your Choice. Ready?

SHOWNOTES:

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman. I hope you have all had a wonderful week. I have this lovely friend that was telling me about an interaction she had with a young, very reactive associate. As I listened to her I was completely in awe of her amazing communication skills. Specifically, how calm she stayed, how she listened and was not reactive. How she stated her own side of the issue with logic and not emotion. And she did it while still being true to herself and her needs. WOW! I’m not even sure I could have dealt with it the way she did. When I said that to her she said she has been working on a very important human communication skill. Responding versus reacting. Then she went on to say that this ability is what separates humans from animals. And in that moment this podcast episode was born!!

If I could help every couple get to the place where each of them could respond versus react, their relationship would change! If I could get every mother and daughter, father and son, parent and teen to do this I would happily be out of business.

So what’s the difference? Reacting is usually a more instinctive response to any situation, good or bad. There is an immediacy about it. Almost automatic. And almost always it is driven by old defense mechanisms, ingrained habits and definitely emotions. Its usually a very quick response that comes flying out of us and usually does not involve much conscious thought. It is ruled by emotion. In other words no critical thinking and definitely no self awareness.

So what is a defense mechanism? It’s what REACTIONS we have created and even nurtured to defend ourselves against harm.

Another scenario. If you had a parent that never let you win an argument, that always made you fight harder, scream louder and longer to be heard than chances are that is the defense mechanism you bring into adulthood and any argument you are having with a spouse or friend or neighbor…or or or…. in the present. That auto response to conflict is fight like hard to be heard and WIN! And that usually means you are not listening to the other person. You are afraid if you do you will never be acknowledged as right in the fight. You are reacting and not responding to every thing that is being said.

Now let’s say your defense mechanisms are not from childhood, but actually from the result of a previous bad relationship. Let’s say that you were the quiet one as a child, example one. And you married example two, the fighter and yeller who had to win. Chances are that if you finally get out of that possibly abusive relationship you become the screamer yeller for fear of ever going back to being the quiet one! You swear you will never be harmed again. So, your defense mechanism changes. Often the new mate has to look at these partners and say, “I am not him. I actually hear you, you can talk to me and share your feelings and I will hear you”.

Another scenario, the two screamers and fighters. It is like a perfect storm. A hurricane that can’t be stopped. And the hurtful things that are said cannot be taken back. Again, both are reacting and not responding. And so often when I ask them how they feel afterwards they hate the person that they become in those situations. It’s as if afterwards the awareness finally touches them. They look at themselves and don’t like what they see.

So what is the answer that will change every interaction you have? You learn to respond and nor react.

Let me be clear. I am not saying that we do not have feelings, or that we are not hurt. It is that we learn how to respond in a healthy way so as to actually protect ourselves with wisdom and not arrows.

There is a beautiful Buddhist wisdom called the Second Arrow Of Suffering. It’s a parable that teaches that being struck by the first arrow is painful. Let’s say that is the arrow that someone is throwing at you. But it’s the second arrow that is even more painful. That is the arrow that you launch that is really striking you.

Buddha says,

“In Life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However the second arrow is OUR REACTION to the first. The second arrow is optional.

Wow. The second arrow is optional. That’s what’s in our control. Are we going to cast that second arrow knowing that it is not hurting our opponent, but only hurting ourselves?

Responding and not reacting.

Take a deep breath and think about this. Responding usually involves a much more thoughtful and definitely deliberate approach. We stop. We don’t auto-respond, we stop to think and feel. We think about what we just heard, or witnessed. We become aware of how it makes us feel. Hurt. Angry. We check in with ourself. Don’t focus on them for just a second. Focus on yourself and STOP what is about to be an old defense mechanism and decide how you can RESPOND in a healthy way. Do not throw the second arrow.

It definitely takes a nice deep breath and true self awareness to see how you do want to respond and think about how you don’t want to respond. You STOP. You think about the situation. You consider what the other person is saying. In other words you HEAR THEM and then you decide how to respond. It doesn’t mean that you agree with them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t share your hurts, or your feelings, or your perception of the situation. It means you do it deliberately instead of as an auto response to what your psyche is perceiving as danger. Defending yourself against harm.

I have another podcast episode, number 41, that’s titled “I don’t agree, but I’m listening”. Now there is a novel idea, to actually listen to the other person and still disagree without letting it trigger old communication styles, or defensiveness.

Self awareness, not reacting, still being true to yourself and your needs, breathing and thinking before your respond.

Don’t shoot the second arrow at yourself.

So how do you be true to yourself in responding?

You acknowledge your hurt, or your feelings to yourself first, and then to the other person. You explain how you perceived the situation in those fabulous I statements. “I saw it this way… I was hurt when you said… I am not feeling safe with you right now. I am sorry.”

Now just because you are responding in a healthy way, sadly does not necessarily mean the other person is. I like to share two analogies with my clients. The first is the wheel of suffering.

When someone is so upset and reacting in an argument they are what I call “on the wheel of suffering”. And usually they will do everything to get you to jump on it with them. Don’t. When you are taking time to respond versus react it is your way of staying off the wheel of suffering. You can’t pull them off of it. But you have the power, with true self awareness, to realize when you are about to jump on it. STOP.

The other is what I call an hallucination. Sometimes you are in a fight and the other person is so reactive and out of control, it’s as if they are hallucinating! Well, I guarantee you that there is no healing to take place when you join the hallucination with them. Stop. Breath, Assess and respond without reacting.

The truth is that you cannot always control the other person in a fight and hope they will respond instead of react. But you can possibly keep the tornado from getting bigger. And you can definitely stop shooting yourself with the second arrow. Self preservation. Sometimes that is all that you can do. But I promise you this, you will have reached a new level of self awareness and peace by doing so. And since this podcast is called A Journey To Awareness you have taken another step on your journey!

I want to leave you with the last piece of the second arrow parable. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

As this whole season is about changing up the music to our souls, this statement says it all. At the end of the fight, how much you let yourself suffer and replay it over and over is optional. It is your choice. If the disagreement has been resolved, or even if it hasn’t, stop your own suffering. Learn from it. Learn about yourself. Learn about your needs. Listen to your heart. and then let go.

Now imagine how your life would change if you could actually learn this amazing new communication tool, responding versus reacting. Imagine how it will change your relationships your communications, and most importantly how you feel about yourself.

I hope you all have jumped a few steps today on your journey to self awareness. I hope that this next week you become more and aware of your defense mechanisms. I hope you practice responding and not reacting. I hope you honor your truth and give yourself grace.

To my listeners today, I hope you take loving care of yourself. Drink lots of water, sleep peacefully and surround yourself with loving beings. Thank you for letting me into your lives this week and I look forward to popping back again next time!

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