Course In Miracles

It’s Not The Relationship. It’s The Missing Piece Inside Yourself

June 11, 2025 By Shauna

Today we’re gonna talk about something that is extremely common and also can be very enlightening. You are in a relationship and something in you feels off. You feel tired, you’re drained. You might have some level of depression. There is something that’s missing in you and you don’t know why. You might find yourself crying for no reason. You’re getting short with the person you’re supposed to love. And all of a sudden you begin to wonder, am I unhappy because of them? You start imagining leaving them. Maybe that will fix it. Maybe once you’re free of this person, once you are free of the weight of this relationship, then the sadness, and the emptiness will lift.

Well, what happens when you leave and the weight is still there? Guess what? It was never the person in the first place. It was the part of you that you’ve been ignoring! You weren’t sad because they weren’t enough. You were sad because you weren’t enough! You weren’t enough for yourself! Let me say that again… you weren’t sad because they weren’t enough. You were sad because you weren’t enough for yourself!

SHOWNOTES

Hello and welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman. Today we’re gonna talk about something that is extremely common and also can be very enlightening. You are in a relationship and something in you feels off. You feel tired, you’re drained. You might have some level of depression. There is something that’s missing in you and you don’t know why. You might find yourself crying for no reason. You’re getting short with the person you’re supposed to love. And all of a sudden you begin to wonder, am I unhappy because of them? You start imagining leaving them. Maybe that will fix it. Maybe once you’re free of this person, once you are free of the weight of this relationship, then the sadness, and the emptiness will lift.

Could it be that when you entered into this relationship you stopped chasing your dream! You buried your ambition in the soft comfort of the relationship and then you got mad at the other person when it didn’t fill the hole in your soul? Maybe your dream was music or writing, starting that nonprofit, going back to school, traveling, opening that amazing bookstore that you always talked about. For whatever reason you didn’t follow that dream and now you think what is missing is in the relationship when what is really missing is a longing deep within you.

Wow this realization can hit like a wave. You’re not heartbroken because the relationship is wrong. You’re restless because you’re off course. Here is a fact! Your soul doesn’t care who’s next to you in bed If you’re not waking up to something that lights your own fire. When we don’t find what sparks us, we project our disappointment on the people closest to us. And often it’s our partners that bear the weight.

So what now? You don’t have to blow up your relationship. You don’t need to walk out. But you do need to walk toward something! Pick up that dream and dust it off. Look your partner in the eye and say I have been thinking about the fact that I’ve blamed you for something that’s actually about me. I wanna find my spark again. I need to find my spark again and I hope you’ll support me! And if they are the right person they will. Because it was never about escaping them, it was about returning to you.

One of my clients asked me how do we do that if we don’t know what our passion is. We don’t know what our spark is. We have been so involved in being a mom or a dad, paying the bills or filling the roles that other people want that we really have no idea what little message is gnawing at us wanting to be brought to life.

It’s perfectly normal to be unsure. I’ll give you a personal example. Before I became a therapist. I had a thriving cruise business, theater company, happy marriage. But then all of a sudden I felt like something was missing. I started to blame everything around me for my unhappiness instead of realizing that there was a piece inside me that I wasn’t listening to.

First of all, I’m going to say that I think there are so many sides of our personality, our dreams. I loved owning my own business, working for myself. I loved to travel. I had fulfilled that by starting a theater company that I could actually take on cruise ships because I love the ocean. I love being on the water. But then I realized that everything was about me and I needed a way to give back. At that point I was producing videos on A Course in Miracles with Marianne Williamson, so spirituality and spiritual psychotherapy was fascinating to me. But I still wasn’t giving back one on one. So I searched and searched for a place to volunteer and decided to start tutoring children struggling to learn how to read.

Then one day I was tutoring this 12 year old boy and I realized that I was working really hard to get him to believe in himself. We were spending time in front of a mirror saying, Repeat after me. I’m smart. I’m smart. I’m smart. I can do this. His parents were very cruel and put this little boy down so much that he had no belief in himself. And all of a sudden I realized I wasn’t tutoring him, I was doing therapy with him! And that’s when it hit me. I think I wanna become a therapist. So owning a business, having a life filled with husband and animals, travel and acting, writing, directing, and everything that I was doing I still decided to go back and get my master’s degree. I knew it was going to be a long haul and I hadn’t been back in school in 12 years, but I did it anyway. I decided to take it day by day and see if this would fulfill my soul. And now here I am… it did.

Now I have so many different businesses it’s ridiculous. I have a Therapy business. I have a podcast. I have a travel business. I have a speaker trainer business, I have a theater company, I rescue collies and I love all of it and now every piece of me is being honored.

Ok, enough about me…the point is you might not know where your passion is leading you or what your passion even is!

But I’m gonna tell you this. You’re not behind! You’re on a path! Each step that I took, each revelation that I had, brought me to a different experience. And each different experience helped me realize what my heart was longing for. And in the end, it was never about being happy with my relationship, my home, the town I lived in. There was nothing I needed to escape from. What I needed to do was go towards something! Not leave anything behind, but move towards something on a path that would bring me happiness.

I know there are many of you that have no idea what your passion or purpose is. First of all, I’m gonna say your purpose and your passion might not be the same thing. And because of that, it’s a whole ‘nother podcast and subject to delve into. So for now I wanna bring it all back to what we started to talk about. And that is, that often times when we feel like something is missing in our relationship. It might not be the relationship. It’s something that’s missing inside of you.

Ask yourself… What piece of me feels empty? Am I sharing myself with the world in ways that bring me joy? Is there something about myself that I am longing for? Something to learn? Something to do? Something to share? Then sit back and listen! Listen to your heart! Journal about what you dreamt of as a child? Look around you and see what makes you happy! Do you want to go back to school? Write a novel? Or just learn how to grow roses? I love this idea…Go to a bookstore and peruse the magazine section and see which one you want to pick up! Photography? Gardening! Astronomy? Hiking? A magazine on reptiles or dogs or llamas!

Follow Your Energy

As yourself: When do I feel most alive? What tasks feel like a “yes”?

2. Look Backward

Childhood clues — what did you love before people told you what you “should” do?

3. Explore Without Commitment

Try a class, volunteer, shadow someone, dabble.

4. Journal Prompts to Reflect On

What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?
What do people ask me for help with?
What have I always secretly wanted to try?
I like this one. What do you feel slightly jealous of that someone else is doing? This is a great clue as to what you long for in your life!

My friend Marianne Williamson says “When we are centered in joy, we attain our wisdom.”

And I want to take that a step further and say …when we are centered in the wisdom of our soul, we will find true joy.

Again…when we are centered in the wisdom of our soul, we will find true joy.

Oh beautiful listeners, take tiny steps to find what touches you deep inside! It will be your next step on your glorious journey to self awareness!

I hope this episode has sparked something in you that you didn’t know was missing, or was hiding in the deep spaces of your heart. I hope this helps you continue on your journey! I hope you do so with gentle kindness towards yourself!

Please take wonderful care of yourself! Eat nourishing foods, drink lots of water and surround yourself with loving beings.

Once again, thank you for letting me into your lives this week and I look forward to popping back in again…next time!

Expect The Unexpected

May 1, 2024 By Shauna

Expect the unexpected is a way to encourage staying adaptable or flexible in any situation. The first step in staying flexible is to have an open mind! I like to point to a painting in my office and tell my clients not to frame the painting yet! Keep painting! Life is not static. It is also about embracing spontaneity!

Think about it. Expectations are static. But life is far from static. Having an open mind, being flexible is how you use your creativity, your problem-solving skills and your instincts in any situation that arrives to take the next step. Good or bad!

Are you ready for the unexpected? Listen in…

SHOWNOTES

Hello and welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman. Many of you know this, and some of you don’t know. I own another business called Whodunit. It started as a mystery theater company turned into a mystery cruise company, turned into a giant event cruising business. I have been lucky enough to cruise over 200 times in my life, all over the world. And our Whodunit motto is, “expect the unexpected”! So I thought, what a perfectly fun motto and life hack I have been living for the last 40 years to talk about today.

To expect the unexpected can be anything! The unexpected could be some amazing gift that you receive, or a relationship you never expected to have, or you win the lottery! Or the unexpected could be a glitch in your life, or something went wrong in your day. The unexpected can either be looked at as a good thing or a challenge. Well, I want to kind of look at it today just as the unexpected. Neither good nor bad!

OK, this motto goes right along with living in the present. It means that you stay exactly where you are and expect that you never know what’s gonna happen next. I guess it could also be, expect nothing and see what comes. Or, expect that you will be able to handle whatever comes. Good, bad, challenging, fun, crazy, miraculous.

So how do you take the next step and stay flexible? First you breathe. Then you assess. Then you have to gather all of your mind skills and awareness of the situation to look forward, not back, to change or adjust your plan. Even the best, unexpected events still need us to adjust our day or our thoughts or our emotions or our future.

There is a skill, or perception or attitude that I try to embrace in these moments. It’s maintaining a positive attitude. If I can do this even in the worst circumstances I can remember that I am a resilient person. I always get back up.

This is not so easy for everyone.

OK, this is going out to my listeners who may have depression or anxiety or be Type A personality, who feel more comfortable when they can control a situation. Embracing expect the unexpected will be most difficult for you. Anxiety comes from the inability to control the situation in your mind. And in order to stay open enough to expect the unexpected and be resilient you have to let go of the idea that you can control everything in your life. And for so many of you, this is the biggest challenge. The hardest part for this kind of personality is keeping a positive mindset. And how the heck do you do that if a new situation is making you feel fearful or nervous or anxious?

The first thing you have to do is let go of the idea and expectations that you had of the situation in the first place That situation has changed or it can change at a drop of the hat and there is no going back. While you’re in the situation and trying to manage it, you can’t start playing over all the things you did wrong. Instead you face forward and you open your mind to use all of that creativity and insight we talked about. Stay in the moment you are in and figure out how to take just one step. One step towards handling the situation.

Now here is a whole ‘nother way to think about expecting the unexpected. I always thought my husband worried too much about some thing that was going to happen while we made plans. His answer to me was, a “I’m not worrying. I am preparing for anything that could happen in this situation.” Well that made a lot of sense and I understood that his emotions weren’t wrapped up in preparing for it. He really wasn’t worrying. He was just preparing. So check yourself and see if you’re worried about something that is coming up in your life? Or are you preparing for it? And then be ready to throw everything out the window. Because if you have prepared for it, then it is not unexpected! And this whole episode is expect the unexpected!

Obviously, there are going to be times when the unexpected is something really difficult or heartbreaking, a loss of someone or something profound. Those are probably some of the most unexpected things that happen in our life. So for those situations keeping a positive mindset is very difficult. And I wouldn’t expect it of you. But the tools that you have in that situation are the ones that will help you get through. First you get support from everyone in your life that can be there for you. Next you prioritize your own self-care and mental well-being as you try to navigate this unexpected event. Being adaptable! Realizing that as a human, you really are adaptable even when you feel like you cannot move. Remembering that you have the power and eventually the strength to move forward with the support of your friends and family or professionals and do it with self-care. Eventually, you will have a change in perspective. A Course in Miracles is a spiritual book of psychology and it says that a miracle is a change in perception. You might not have that as you are in the situation but eventually your peace will come from a change in perspective and perception around the unexpected that happened in your life. In times like this, because I study the course, I just sit down and close my eyes and ask for a miracle. I am asking for a change in perception. One that will bring me just a little bit of peace.

OK now let’s have some fun and talk about the mindset behind expecting the unexpected and being ready for wonderful, amazing, miraculous, fun, wildly entertaining things to show up in your life. Things that you never expected. This is the mentality that people have when we say that they look at life with their glass half full instead of glass half empty. Admittedly, I am one of those people. I am always waiting for the miraculous to show up in my life each day. I wake up in the morning and I think to myself what is today going to bring me? I know what I have planned for the day, but the universe works in mysterious ways and my motto is expect the unexpected. So what is the unexpected gonna bring me today? Try it right now! You know what the rest of your day is supposed to be. Now say to yourself, “I expect the unexpected! I can’t wait to see what today will bring me!!”

Our minds are programmed! And believe me when I say that you can reprogram them! You can reprogram yourself to think positively instead of negatively. You can ask yourself how thinking negatively is helping you in your life and instead you can say, I choose another way. And then start practicing, practicing, practicing every day to look at the world with your glass half full. Then wait for that thing that is going to fill it all the way up!

My mom was a holocaust survivor. She was in Auschwitz from the age of 11 to 13, after her family was all killed. Yet my mom was one of the most joyous and positive people I have ever known. I used to say, “Mom you wear rose colored glasses”. And her answer to me was, “I know, I put them on.” Wow,v that said it all! She could’ve looked at her life as a glass half empty. Instead, she not only looked at it as half full, she looked at it as overflowing.

And thankfully, that is what she taught me!

I think for my mom it came from one word. Gratitude. She had so much gratitude for her life and that she survived, that it kept her looking forward in her life instead of looking back. It kept her staying in the moment instead of living in the past. And it kept her appreciating everything in her life instead of seeing what she no longer had.

To expect the unexpected means that you look for the silver lining in everything that happens in your life. It is also looking towards each moment in your life and knowing that you deserve wonderful things to happen to you.

Wow! Let me say that again! It is looking at each moment in your life and knowing that you deserve wonderful things to happen to you! I love the words, I deserve!

Right now, I want you to say this to yourself, I deserve wonderful things in my life.

I deserve magical things to happen to me today.

I deserve happiness, joy, fun, and miracles!

Then, after you turn off this podcast today, I want you to write a full page of everything that you deserve in life! And remember, you may not believe it yet, but this will be the beginning of reprogramming your mind and putting on your rose colored glasses!

I love this quote by Rhonda Byrne
There is a truth, deep down inside of you that has been waiting for you to discover it, and that truth is this… you deserve all good things life has to offer.

So today if you are going to expect the unexpected, I hope you expect all good things that life has to offer.

My beautiful listeners, please be good to yourself, drink, lots of water, surround yourself with loving beings, get lots of rest, go out and have fun, and expect the unexpected!

Thank you for letting me into your life this week and I look forward to popping back in again next time

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