Hello, I’m Shauna Hoffman and Welcome back to A Journey to Awareness. The podcast where we slow things down, get curious, and learn how to see ourselves—and the world—more clearly.

I had taken a hiatus to rethink what my next season would be, and wanted to give you a little preview of what will be airing, starting late Spring.

I have so many people struggling right now both in their personal relationships and with what is happening in our country. And I have realized that it is actually the same psychological phenomenon that’s triggering them.

This deeply damaging phenomenon is called **gaslighting**.

You’ve probably heard it in conversations about relationships, families, workplaces—and now increasingly, in politics. But what is gaslighting really?

Listen in to find out!

SHOWNOTES

Hello, I’m Shauna Hoffman and Welcome back to *A Journey to Awareness*. The podcast where we slow things down, get curious, and learn how to see ourselves—and the world—more clearly.

I had taken a hiatus to rethink what my next season would be.  But I have so many people struggling right now both in their personal relationships and with what is happening in our country.

And I have realized that it is actually the same psychological phenomenon that’s triggering them.

This deeply damaging  phenomenon is called  **gaslighting**.

You’ve probably heard it in conversations about relationships, families, workplaces—and now increasingly, in politics. But what *is* gaslighting really?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone causes you to **doubt your own reality**.

Not just your opinions—but your *memory of a situation*, your *perception* of a situation, what you see with your very own eyes, and eventually your *judgment*.

Here is an example. You bring up a scenario you need to discuss with someone, usually a partner and they say to you..

• “That never happened.”
• “You’re remembering it wrong, I never said or did that..

* “Oh give me a break, You’re too sensitive.”

• “Come on.. stop overreacting.
• “There is something wrong with you if you are even believing that”

Here is what is so scary, their goal isn’t just to win the argument,

Their goal is to have power over you.

When someone successfully gaslights you, you start asking yourself:

* *Am I crazy?*

* *Wait. Did I imagine that?*

* *I guess…maybe… it really was my fault.*

When clients first describe these discussions in their relationship they rarely use the word gaslighting. They say things like, “I don’t trust myself anymore,” or “I just feel so confused all the time.”

That confusion is often my clue to dig in to see if I can find the truth for them when they can no longer find it for themselves. You see truths are facts. But when you get gaslit enough you start to lose track of the truth and you start to see the world through their false reality. And when the goal of their reality is one to overpower you, or weaken you… I need to help you find your way back home again.

It’s interesting. Gaslighting often happens slowly. Quietly. It’s rarely one big moment. It’s a pattern—small enough to dismiss at the beginning, frequent enough to erode all the trust you have in yourself.

And here’s the key thing to understand:

Gaslighting only works when the gaslighter positions themselves as the authority on reality.

Gaslighting shows up most often in close relationships—most often with romantic partners. Because proximity creates influence and authority. But it is now happening in our country when we see a clip on the news and then we are told we are not seeing what we know we just watched.

Ok, let’s first talk about Gaslighting in Couples…but feel free to see if it is happening in any other relationship you have, family, a boss, or as I said…with what’s going on in the US right now.

Here are some common examples in relationships:

• You discover flirtatious texts or DMs and hear, “You’re imagining things. What are you doing looking at my private texts?  You’re always so paranoid.”

• It could be a forgotten promise they made to you which becomes, “I never said that—you just assumed. God, you’re so selfish.”
• You may express a hurt and then you’re told, “You’re too sensitive. Anyone else would be fine with this. But you have to make everything about yourself don’t you?”
• You try to set a boundary and you get labeled “controlling” or I love this one…“dramatic.”.

• You feel uneasy about repeated behavior and bring it up. They say things like “That’s your anxiety talking, not reality. You’re crazy. This is a you problem, not my problem”*

The most frustrating is when you’re having a fight, they say something to you and you react to it and they insist they never said….what you just heard! You are like… OK What is going on? Is this the twilight zone? Am I losing my mind?

Over time, the focus shifts away from their behavior and onto your reaction. You start monitoring your tone, your words, your emotions—while the original issue goes untouched.

They have you trained!

It’s interesting. Gaslighting in relationships can hide behind humor, charm, or a false concern for you. It can sound loving on the surface while being deeply invalidating underneath. And that word is the one most important word in regard to a person’s self worth. You are Invalidated. You are not worthy. You and your needs become invisible.

In my work with couples, I often see one partner slowly stop bringing things up—not because the issue disappeared, but because it feels safer to stay quiet than to be told they’re wrong again. They are slowly shrinking.

Now, how does this manifest in your body? What does the Body Feel like When You’re Being Gaslit.

See the thing is, Gaslighting isn’t just psychological—it’s physiological.

Your body often knows before your mind does.

You may start to feel:

* Tightness in the chest or throat

* A knot in your stomach

* You Feel suddenly small or frozen (which by the way is exactly what they want you to feel)

• You have increased anxiety before your conversations- Again, they want you to Fear them. It’s their way of having power over you

* You start having Brain fog or difficulty recalling details

* And you have an overall sense of dread anytime you have to  bring something up

Next thing you find yourself:

* Over-explaining

• Apologizing excessively
• Replaying conversations in your mind to “get it right” before you speak about the issue.

* You start feeling confused but you don’t know why

This happens because gaslighting activates the nervous system.

When your reality is questioned, your body goes into **threat response**. Fight, flight or freeze. And when that threat is ongoing, the body stays in one of those three responses. And usually it’s FREEZE..

Please listen to me.

Confusion is not a personality flaw.

It’s often a trauma response to chronic invalidation.

Let me say that again…. Confusion is not a personality flaw.

It’s often a trauma response to chronic invalidation.

When someone shares these symptoms with me I listen closely. It almost always signals a person who doesn’t feel safe.

So, why is Gaslighting Is so effective?

Gaslighting works because human beings are wired for connection.

We want to believe the people we love.

We want harmony.

We want to belong.

And our brains don’t like uncertainty.

So when someone confidently insists that *your reality is wrong*, your nervous system often chooses safety over truth.

Now let’s widen the lens.

And let’s talk for a moment about what brought me to do this podcast at this moment in time and come out of my podcast break!

It is the Gaslighting that is happening to citizens in the U.S. today.

At this point in history, gaslighting isn’t just personal—it’s **systemic**.

In today’s news cycle, we’re seeing blatant gaslighting when:

• Documented events are denied despite video or audio evidence! We are being told that what we are seeing with our own eyes is not true…or real.

• Shifting narratives are presented as if they were always true, In other words the narrative of events keeps shifting as you are seeing facts that the politician doesn’t want you to believe. And then they try to make you believe that what they are telling you now was the “truth” all along! You just misinterpreted it.

• Entire groups of people are being told their lived experiences are exaggerated or fake!

And this is Gaslighting at its most manipulative and most dangerous.

* People asking legitimate questions of our government are reframed as being disloyal or hysterical.

This underlying message is profound and very scary for our country:

*”Don’t trust what you see. Don’t trust what you feel. Don’t trust anyone but us.*

This is mass gaslighting.

What I am seeing with friends, clients and the citizens of this country on both sides of the aisle is that when reality is constantly being rewritten, people become exhausted, polarized, and emotionally flooded.

And here’s the dangerous part:

When reality feels unstable, people cling to certainty—even if it’s false. The Gaslighter wins.

Gaslighting in politics isn’t about persuasion.

It’s about **disorientation**.

A disoriented public is easier to control. Let me say that again. A disoriented public is easier to control.

So let’s be clear.

Gaslighting is gaslighting. Whether it is being done to you personally or you are seeing it en masse all around you.

So what do we do to remind ourselves of our own reality and our own truth?  How do we break the spell?

We do it with AWARENESS. With anchoring back into reality.

Here are a few grounding principles:

• Your feelings are data. TRUST THEM

• Patterns matter more than isolated incidents. In other words be AWARE if there is a pattern of gaslighting from a certain person or entity.

• Your Reality does not require someone else’s permission. You have a right to own your own perceptions and reality.

* Confusion is often a sign of manipulation—not weakness.

“Awareness restores your agency” What does that means?

When you become aware of what’s actually happening—especially in situations like gaslighting—you regain the ability to choose instead of just react.

Gaslighting takes away your agency by making you doubt yourself.
*You stop trusting your memory.
*You second-guess your instincts.
*You look to someone else to tell you what’s real.

Awareness interrupts that.

When you can name, “This is gaslighting,” something shifts:

• You realize the confusion isn’t because you’re broken.
• You stop trying to convince the other person.
• You start listening to your own internal signals again. You gain back your agency.

Agency is your capacity to think, feel, decide, and act on your own behalf.

Gaslighting—whether in a relationship or to a nation—disconnects us from ourselves.

And it is self awareness that reconnects us again.

Healing often begins the moment someone realizes, “It wasn’t that I was broken. It’s that my reality kept being challenged. And you know what? I’m not crazy!.”

You’re not broken for feeling confused.

You’re not weak for questioning.

And best of all reclaiming your sense of reality is the most powerful act you can do for your self worth, and your sanity.

I love this quote by Tracy Malone

“The healing doesn’t happen in the rewind. It happens in the pause. In the breath. In the moment you choose yourself again.” 

Oh beautiful listeners. Thank you for listening today. Please be good to yourself. Honor your own reality over others. Stay true to your beliefs, your morals, ethics and values no matter who you are with or what you are being told. Honor your body! Drink lots of water, eat nourishing food and please surround yourself with loving beings.

Thank you for letting me into your lives this week. And I look forward to popping back in again next time.