I love that this season is called The Rhythm of your life. Because right now my rhythm keeps changing. I think the rhythm of my life is taking me in one direction then out of the blue a whole ‘nother song starts playing in my circumstances, in my life and eventually in my soul. So where am I going with this? I’ve just been thinking a lot about what happens when everything you expect to happen in your life changes. It’s what some would call the direction in your life. But for me it’s not like I am in a car going one direction and it changes. What it is for me is when I think I’m absolutely at peace in my life and all of a sudden something doesn’t feel right. Like my heart rhythm is not in sync with my present life circumstances or choices. Sometimes it’s not the circumstances but the people involved in the circumstances in my life. And sometimes it’s not a nice subtle message it’s a what the hell, earth shattering wake up call! And seriously… who doesn’t just love those?

SHOWNOTES:

Hello and welcome back to season two of A Journey to awareness., I’m Shauna Hoffmann. I love that this season is called The Rhythm of your life. Because right now my rhythm keeps changing. I think the rhythm of my life is taking me in one direction then out of the blue a whole ‘nother song starts playing in my circumstances, in my life and eventually in my soul. So where am I going with this? I’ve just been thinking a lot about what happens when everything you expect to happen in your life changes. It’s what some would call the direction in your life. But for me it’s not like I am in a car going one direction and it changes. What it is for me is when I think I’m absolutely at peace in my life and all of a sudden something doesn’t feel right. Like my heart rhythm is not in sync with my present life circumstances or choices. Sometimes it’s not the circumstances but the people involved in the circumstances in my life. And sometimes it’s not a nice subtle message it’s a what the hell, earth shattering wake up call! And seriously… who doesn’t just love those?

So, when the world turns upside down and your expectations of people, or an event, or your health or your life gets massively turned upside down this is the moment that you can feel that the rhythm in your mind body and soul drastically changes. It feels like your heart IS THE POUNDING DRUM and your brain is like a million cymbals crashing. And the hardest part of all of this is that you can’t seem to quiet it all down to catch your breath, to make sense of something that seems impossible to make sense of.

These changes can be something seemingly small, like a job issue, or someone saying something negative about you, or missing a plane to see those you love. Or a bad date with someone you were hoping to grow a relationship with. Or, it can be bigger, like a fight with a friend, or family member, or you didn’t get the promotion you wanted, or job you were dreaming of or a heartbreaking break up. Or It could be something paramount like the loss of something or someone you love; your beloved animal, your partner, your parent, your home. Or biggest, when you find out you have an illness that you never expected and your reality gets turned upside down.

There is no telling how each of us process these kinds of unexpected life happenings. And sometimes there is no depth of difference in our reactions to the big ones or the small ones. Our physical reactions of heart beating fast, shallow breathing, blood pressure rising. Our emotions; sadness, loss, heartbreak, anger. Our inability to control the situation is one of the hardest things to make sense of. This dreadful feeling of being out of control and our inability to actually comprehend what is happening.

It’s how we deal with it when the unexpected becomes our new reality that will make or break us. And it is truly the self awareness of each thought, fear, answer, body message that will guide us to the tools we have gained in our lives to navigate what feels like the unnavigable. And the tools we need to survive.

I’m a sailor and one of my favorite quotes is from Jimmy Dean. It’s a powerful reminder that we cannot always control our situation but we can control our response to them.

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.”

So how the hell do we do that? Big or small life changing circumstance, or just the unexpected messing with our lives. What do we do when shit happens?

We take a deep breath and we try to change our sails to find the wind again.

Here are some ways to try.

This first one is probably one of the hardest to do but the one that will give us the quickest mindset change, relief of the confusion and a path to healing. It’s acceptance. This one is easier to do for some of the smaller circumstances and unexpected events and much harder to do with some of the major storms that happen in our lives.

Let me clarify something. Acceptance isn’t always accepting the circumstance itself. But it’s accepting your feelings around them. It’s OK to feel disappointed. It’s OK to feel upset. It’s ok to feel heartbroken or even just broken. It’s OK to feel.

But the first healing comes from accepting and acknowledging the reality of what’s happening. You allow yourself to feel the feelings around it. So it’s not necessarily about accepting the circumstance, but looking at yourself and accepting this new reality. One you never planned for.

Then it’s about accepting all of the feelings that you have around this new reality.

Wow that’s hard. We so want to change the reality of something. But this is acceptance. Not necessarily making peace with it. But accepting the reality.

Next you need to somehow calm down the pounding drumming and the cymbals crashing in your body. The symptoms that are reverberating through every cell of your body.

The best way to do that is to merely take a breath. Pause and take a nice deep breath. Sometimes when you do that, you find peace. Sometimes when you do that, the tears finally flow, the anger dissipates, and a whole new set of emotions take place. Not to mention it’s the first step to being able to think more clearly. And when we can think more clearly, we can find a way forward.

Your next tool to healing is to find some kind of support. A friend you can talk, a therapist that can help you work through what’s happening, a family member who might be experiencing the same thing. It could be a priest or rabbi or minister who can help you see a different approach to healing. Support groups! The most important thing with finding support is that hopefully it’s the kind of support that acknowledges where you’re at and is there for you. Maybe they give you a new perspective, or maybe they just listen. But know that your healing is on your own time. So don’t let anyone try to make you feel like you should quickly get over anything. We all heal on our own. Often times our family or friends mean the very best. And often it’s hard for them to see you hurting. But just know that if the support doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to find it somewhere else?

There are so many tools and steps that will help you heal but I think one of the most important is to focus on what you can control in your life right now. When these things happen to us we feel ourselves spinning out of control. It feels like we are in a hallucination. Can this really be true? All you can do is center yourself and put all your concentration on the things you can control!

So here is a tool that seems obvious. But sadly it’s the farthest from our consciousness. Self care.
Practicing self care in these times is loving yourself instead of being angry at life. This means taking care of your body, your mind and your spirit. Exercising, eating right, getting sleep, reaching out for help, finding a way to escape the things that are bringing you sadness or anger, caring for yourself instead of caring about the circumstance. Wow those are big asks. I guess I want you to understand that the more you focus on the circumstance the more you feel out of control. The more you focus on a way out, your healing, the more peace you will find. And your rhythm will change.

I think this next, and last one is probably the hardest. Because when we are deep in the surprise or shock or sorrow of something that has happened and is drastically throwing our rhythm off, it is hard to do what I’m going to ask you to do.

It’s to learn from the experience. Every thing that happens to us in our life is an opportunity for learning and for growth. If you can, reflect on what you can learn from this situation, and how it can actually help you in your life now, and in the future. It will start changing your rhythm.

This whole podcast came for me from an experience that I had this weekend where I had huge expectations about a work event that I was going to. Add to it that it was one that was going to cost me quite a bit of money. And… out of my control, it didn’t happen the way I expected it. But when I look back on it and reflect on it, I asked myself was it really out of my control? Did I ask all of the questions I needed to in order to make sure the experience was what I wanted it to be? Did I have expectations of others that I shouldn’t have had? The change in my vibrations over those three days was some of the most uncomfortable I have felt in a long time. And when I got home, it was so interesting to feel myself breathe again, and calm myself, and feel the rhythm that brings me peace in my heart. It was certainly accepting the situation that helped me get through it. It was breathing and trying to reach out to people I loved to help me understand it. And it was changing the direction of my sails, so I could enjoy my weekend that helped me the most. Reflecting back, the part that makes it easiest to let go of is because I am willing to look at my learning experience that came from this. My mistakes, my unrealistic expectations and my allowing myself to feel the imbalance, not to mention the emotions that I experienced and how if I really became self aware I had the power to change them if I chose to.

I think in life, the answer is to learn to be flexible. To adapt our expectations of ourselves and others and circumstances when things change. But truly the biggest gift is when we find meaning in a part of our life that was unexpected.

This is what this podcast, A journey to awareness is all about. it is a way for us to find the answers to our lives and in turn have a deeper understanding of ourselves… and really… What is better than that?

Being a sailor, this is one of my very favorite quotes of all time…

“I am not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”
The amazing Luisa May Alcott.

Remember, you’re not alone in facing life’s curveballs. And we are all learning how to ship. Honor these moments of your life. Allow yourself the time and space to navigate through these challenges, and remember to be kind to yourself in the process.

I am so happy that you joined me this week on a journey to awareness. I hope that you are gentle with yourself, eat wonderful food, surround yourself with positive beings, go on beautiful walks, drink lots of water, get lots of sleep. Thank you for joining me this week on A Journey To Awareness, and I look forward to popping back into your life again next time.