Podcast

You’re Not Imagining It! Gaslighting in Relationships and Power

January 28, 2026 By Shauna

Hello, I’m Shauna Hoffman and Welcome back to A Journey to Awareness. The podcast where we slow things down, get curious, and learn how to see ourselves—and the world—more clearly.

I had taken a hiatus to rethink what my next season would be, and wanted to give you a little preview of what will be airing, starting late Spring.

I have so many people struggling right now both in their personal relationships and with what is happening in our country. And I have realized that it is actually the same psychological phenomenon that’s triggering them.

This deeply damaging phenomenon is called **gaslighting**.

You’ve probably heard it in conversations about relationships, families, workplaces—and now increasingly, in politics. But what is gaslighting really?

Listen in to find out!

SHOWNOTES

Hello, I’m Shauna Hoffman and Welcome back to *A Journey to Awareness*. The podcast where we slow things down, get curious, and learn how to see ourselves—and the world—more clearly.

I had taken a hiatus to rethink what my next season would be. But I have so many people struggling right now both in their personal relationships and with what is happening in our country.

And I have realized that it is actually the same psychological phenomenon that’s triggering them.

This deeply damaging phenomenon is called **gaslighting**.

You’ve probably heard it in conversations about relationships, families, workplaces—and now increasingly, in politics. But what *is* gaslighting really?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone causes you to **doubt your own reality**.

Not just your opinions—but your *memory of a situation*, your *perception* of a situation, what you see with your very own eyes, and eventually your *judgment*.

Here is an example. You bring up a scenario you need to discuss with someone, usually a partner and they say to you..

“That never happened.”
“You’re remembering it wrong, I never said or did that..

* “Oh give me a break, You’re too sensitive.”

“Come on.. stop overreacting.
“There is something wrong with you if you are even believing that”

Here is what is so scary, their goal isn’t just to win the argument,

Their goal is to have power over you.

When someone successfully gaslights you, you start asking yourself:

* *Am I crazy?*

* *Wait. Did I imagine that?*

* *I guess…maybe… it really was my fault.*

When clients first describe these discussions in their relationship they rarely use the word gaslighting. They say things like, “I don’t trust myself anymore,” or “I just feel so confused all the time.”

That confusion is often my clue to dig in to see if I can find the truth for them when they can no longer find it for themselves. You see truths are facts. But when you get gaslit enough you start to lose track of the truth and you start to see the world through their false reality. And when the goal of their reality is one to overpower you, or weaken you… I need to help you find your way back home again.

It’s interesting. Gaslighting often happens slowly. Quietly. It’s rarely one big moment. It’s a pattern—small enough to dismiss at the beginning, frequent enough to erode all the trust you have in yourself.

And here’s the key thing to understand:

Gaslighting only works when the gaslighter positions themselves as the authority on reality.

Gaslighting shows up most often in close relationships—most often with romantic partners. Because proximity creates influence and authority. But it is now happening in our country when we see a clip on the news and then we are told we are not seeing what we know we just watched.

Ok, let’s first talk about Gaslighting in Couples…but feel free to see if it is happening in any other relationship you have, family, a boss, or as I said…with what’s going on in the US right now.

Here are some common examples in relationships:

You discover flirtatious texts or DMs and hear, “You’re imagining things. What are you doing looking at my private texts? You’re always so paranoid.”

It could be a forgotten promise they made to you which becomes, “I never said that—you just assumed. God, you’re so selfish.”
You may express a hurt and then you’re told, “You’re too sensitive. Anyone else would be fine with this. But you have to make everything about yourself don’t you?”
You try to set a boundary and you get labeled “controlling” or I love this one…“dramatic.”.

You feel uneasy about repeated behavior and bring it up. They say things like “That’s your anxiety talking, not reality. You’re crazy. This is a you problem, not my problem”*

The most frustrating is when you’re having a fight, they say something to you and you react to it and they insist they never said….what you just heard! You are like… OK What is going on? Is this the twilight zone? Am I losing my mind?

Over time, the focus shifts away from their behavior and onto your reaction. You start monitoring your tone, your words, your emotions—while the original issue goes untouched.

They have you trained!

It’s interesting. Gaslighting in relationships can hide behind humor, charm, or a false concern for you. It can sound loving on the surface while being deeply invalidating underneath. And that word is the one most important word in regard to a person’s self worth. You are Invalidated. You are not worthy. You and your needs become invisible.

In my work with couples, I often see one partner slowly stop bringing things up—not because the issue disappeared, but because it feels safer to stay quiet than to be told they’re wrong again. They are slowly shrinking.

Now, how does this manifest in your body? What does the Body Feel like When You’re Being Gaslit.

See the thing is, Gaslighting isn’t just psychological—it’s physiological.

Your body often knows before your mind does.

You may start to feel:

* Tightness in the chest or throat

* A knot in your stomach

* You Feel suddenly small or frozen (which by the way is exactly what they want you to feel)

You have increased anxiety before your conversations- Again, they want you to Fear them. It’s their way of having power over you

* You start having Brain fog or difficulty recalling details

* And you have an overall sense of dread anytime you have to bring something up

Next thing you find yourself:

* Over-explaining

Apologizing excessively
Replaying conversations in your mind to “get it right” before you speak about the issue.

* You start feeling confused but you don’t know why

This happens because gaslighting activates the nervous system.

When your reality is questioned, your body goes into **threat response**. Fight, flight or freeze. And when that threat is ongoing, the body stays in one of those three responses. And usually it’s FREEZE..

Please listen to me.

Confusion is not a personality flaw.

It’s often a trauma response to chronic invalidation.

Let me say that again…. Confusion is not a personality flaw.

It’s often a trauma response to chronic invalidation.

When someone shares these symptoms with me I listen closely. It almost always signals a person who doesn’t feel safe.

So, why is Gaslighting Is so effective?

Gaslighting works because human beings are wired for connection.

We want to believe the people we love.

We want harmony.

We want to belong.

And our brains don’t like uncertainty.

So when someone confidently insists that *your reality is wrong*, your nervous system often chooses safety over truth.

Now let’s widen the lens.

And let’s talk for a moment about what brought me to do this podcast at this moment in time and come out of my podcast break!

It is the Gaslighting that is happening to citizens in the U.S. today.

At this point in history, gaslighting isn’t just personal—it’s **systemic**.

In today’s news cycle, we’re seeing blatant gaslighting when:

Documented events are denied despite video or audio evidence! We are being told that what we are seeing with our own eyes is not true…or real.

Shifting narratives are presented as if they were always true, In other words the narrative of events keeps shifting as you are seeing facts that the politician doesn’t want you to believe. And then they try to make you believe that what they are telling you now was the “truth” all along! You just misinterpreted it.

Entire groups of people are being told their lived experiences are exaggerated or fake!

And this is Gaslighting at its most manipulative and most dangerous.

* People asking legitimate questions of our government are reframed as being disloyal or hysterical.

This underlying message is profound and very scary for our country:

*”Don’t trust what you see. Don’t trust what you feel. Don’t trust anyone but us.*

This is mass gaslighting.

What I am seeing with friends, clients and the citizens of this country on both sides of the aisle is that when reality is constantly being rewritten, people become exhausted, polarized, and emotionally flooded.

And here’s the dangerous part:

When reality feels unstable, people cling to certainty—even if it’s false. The Gaslighter wins.

Gaslighting in politics isn’t about persuasion.

It’s about **disorientation**.

A disoriented public is easier to control. Let me say that again. A disoriented public is easier to control.

So let’s be clear.

Gaslighting is gaslighting. Whether it is being done to you personally or you are seeing it en masse all around you.

So what do we do to remind ourselves of our own reality and our own truth? How do we break the spell?

We do it with AWARENESS. With anchoring back into reality.

Here are a few grounding principles:

Your feelings are data. TRUST THEM

Patterns matter more than isolated incidents. In other words be AWARE if there is a pattern of gaslighting from a certain person or entity.

Your Reality does not require someone else’s permission. You have a right to own your own perceptions and reality.

* Confusion is often a sign of manipulation—not weakness.

“Awareness restores your agency” What does that means?

When you become aware of what’s actually happening—especially in situations like gaslighting—you regain the ability to choose instead of just react.

Gaslighting takes away your agency by making you doubt yourself.
*You stop trusting your memory.
*You second-guess your instincts.
*You look to someone else to tell you what’s real.

Awareness interrupts that.

When you can name, “This is gaslighting,” something shifts:

You realize the confusion isn’t because you’re broken.
You stop trying to convince the other person.
You start listening to your own internal signals again. You gain back your agency.

Agency is your capacity to think, feel, decide, and act on your own behalf.

Gaslighting—whether in a relationship or to a nation—disconnects us from ourselves.

And it is self awareness that reconnects us again.

Healing often begins the moment someone realizes, “It wasn’t that I was broken. It’s that my reality kept being challenged. And you know what? I’m not crazy!.”

You’re not broken for feeling confused.

You’re not weak for questioning.

And best of all reclaiming your sense of reality is the most powerful act you can do for your self worth, and your sanity.

I love this quote by Tracy Malone

“The healing doesn’t happen in the rewind. It happens in the pause. In the breath. In the moment you choose yourself again.”

Oh beautiful listeners. Thank you for listening today. Please be good to yourself. Honor your own reality over others. Stay true to your beliefs, your morals, ethics and values no matter who you are with or what you are being told. Honor your body! Drink lots of water, eat nourishing food and please surround yourself with loving beings.

Thank you for letting me into your lives this week. And I look forward to popping back in again next time.

56 Song Therapy From The Beatles

February 27, 2021 By Shauna

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman

I talked a little bit about song therapy in a previous podcast. This week I was listening to the Beatles and soaking it up! There is something about singing songs that remind you of your youth. And you know every lyric and guitar riff, and throw away lyrics. The Beatles sang about every emotion I have ever felt! Starting with “She was just 17”. I met my husband Bert when I was 17. It’s like our theme song! My mom sat us in front of the TV to watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan knowing it was going to be a night to remember!

So I decided that today we are going to have a little Beatles Music Therapy! Then when I’m all done recording this episode I am going to shut the door, turn off the lights, crank up some tunes and dance!

EPISODE NOTES:

So there is this thing happening to so many people right now from going on a year of Covid lock downs, and fear and confusion and total twilight zone living. They are calling it Motivation Paralysis. And boy have I felt it. I am usually so motivated for everything I do. And the last few weeks, BAM. Motivation Paralysis. Down to the smallest thing that I love to do which is make the meme’s for the podcast. I was like…eh.

So the one thing that always makes me move is music. Move physically and it wakes up my heart and my soul! I get excited. I want to dance. When I was a kid and I had a bad day I would turn off the lights and dance my heart out!

Now sadly because of music rights I can’t play any of the clips of the songs today. But with the Beatles I won’t have to. I know when I start the lyric the music will take over your mind!

There are some real obvious ones to start with. And since all I talk about over and over again is Loving yourself, staying in the moment and dealing with where you are at this instant I have the perfect song to kick this off. It was originally released as a single. Written by John, and eventually was added to the Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album. It also appeared in their movie The Yellow Submarine and on that soundtrack.

All You Need Is Love

My favorite claim and truth lines in this song are …

Nothing you can make that can’t be made

No one you can save that can’t be saved

Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time

It’s easy

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

Nothing you can know that isn’t known. Nothing you can see that isn’t shown. Nothing you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be…. It’s easy

All you need is love

Love is all you need

Truly!!! That kinda says it all!

When I decided to start putting together this podcast I did an internet deep dive into the Beatles most uplifting or meaningful songs. And there isn’t a question that this next one was on every list or even at the top of every list. “Hey Jude”. It was interesting to find out it was originally written as “Hey Jules” by Paul for John’s son Julian when his parents were getting divorced. Though Julian was only 5, the lyrics have touched the soul of so many of us and given us hope for years.

The lyrics that get me every time are these.

And when the broken-hearted people Living in the world agree There will be an answer: Let it be…

Here are all the lyrics. Let your mind sing them!

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid.

You were made to go out and get her.

The minute you let her under your skin,

Then you begin to make it better.

These next lyrics are for all of you who are suffering through these times…

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,

Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.

For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don’t let me down.

You have found her, now go and get her.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Now wait! Listen to these next lyrics. If this doesn’t scream self love and YOU are all you need then nothing does!

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,

You’re waiting for someone to perform with.

And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey Jude, you’ll do,

The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her under your skin,

Then you’ll begin to make it

Better better better better better better, oh.

Ok now I know you are all going…naaaa naa naa nanananaaaaa!

Next wisdom song..

I think the hardest part for so many of us during this last year is not being able to be with our friends. The healing of seeing your besties, hanging with them, laughing with them has started to take a toll on so many people. Zoom can only do so much when you’re craving a hug from your best friend. But you know… we need to take the moments we can get! Here are just some of the lyrics to one that was written by John and Paul and sung by Ringo!

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

What would you think if I sang out of tune?

Would you stand up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song

And I’ll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away?

Does it worry you to be alone?

How do I feel by the end of the day?

Are you sad because you’re on your own?

No, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mm, get high with a little help from my friends

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

OK I just love this song so much. It really says it all. And for me.. Singing out of tune is my life story. But my friends don’t walk out on me! Now that is true friendship!

There is one line from Blackbird that just resonates so much with me and for all of us during these times.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

It was written by Paul originally to address the racial strife in the South in the 1960s. Paul said later, “This was really a song from me to a black woman, experiencing these problems in the States: ‘Let me encourage you to keep trying, to keep your faith; there is hope.”

This year has been a time for people of color to truly arise. To be heard, to be truly seen. This song resonates for so many of us on a different level. So many people around the world who feel that their wings have been broken through this last year. We all need to learn how to fly again!

This year has been the most trying one in a long time for our world! I started to list them but just stopped the recording and deleted all of them. Suffice it to say that we all have made it through! You are here listening to this podcast and I am here sharing it with you. Hallelujah! ,So I am going to end the Beatles’ wisdom song therapy with this one by George! Beautiful, soulful George Harrison.

Here Comes The Sun

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter

Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces

Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting

Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

Here comes the sun do, do, do

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s all right

To all of you my amazing listeners I say… Here comes the sun. We will get through this. We will take our broken wings and learn to fly! We will take a sad song and make it better. All with a little help from our friends! Because you know…All you need is love! Share this episode with any of your friends that need a little music therapy!

Now take such good care of yourselves! Drink lots of water, eat nourishing foods and surround yourself with loving beings! And maybe make a song list that you can play for yourself as you close your door, turn off your lights and dance your heart out!

Thank you for letting me into your life this week! And I look forward to popping back in again, next week.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
February 27, 2021

55 Fear or Anxiety? Just Yell Stop!

February 20, 2021 By Shauna

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman,

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” ~Audrey Lorde

If you have ever gotten an email from me you will see that this is the sign-off quote I use.

Today we’re going to talk about fighting through your fears. Sometimes they are real life fears…survival, illness, money, job loss. And sometimes they are perceived fears of the unknown. Like fear of change or all the “what if’s” that we tend to obsess on. Or the big emotional ones like, “what if they don’t love me anymore. I’m not sure I can survive alone”. The word fear is sooooo big and so misunderstood and so confused with other emotions that often finding the tools to fight it off, or handle it or even recognize it becomes such a challenge. So we are going to knock the hell out of what fears look like and how to control it on today’s podcast.

Let’s talk first about the fact that sometimes it is not fear you are experiencing. But Anxiety! You see, both of them have the same physical response in your body. The Fight or flight syndrome. Let’s go back to the caveman days and what our body did when a mammoth was coming at us. We would either fight it or run like hell from it. Fight or flight. In order to do that your body kicked in to help. You breathe shallower to send the oxygen to the brain, the blood leaves your stomach and abdomen and is sent to your heart to beat faster. It’s then sent to your extremities to fight or run. It’s sent to your brain to think fast. And then your sympathetic nervous system kicks in and chemicals go raging through your body to help! Hormones, Adrenaline, Noradrenaline and a whole lotta other chemicals with really long names. The big picture is that you are ready to fight back or run!

So it makes total sense that we get confused between real fears and what is really anxiety. After all, our body can’t tell the difference. Except for this… with real fears, like a mammoth coming after you, once you are safe you go into what is called recovery mode. Well with today’s fears and anxiety it seems that the mammoth is never gone. It’s still stalking us. So we never recover. And our body, mind and spirit suffer. Exhaustion, depression, ulcers, stomach problems, headaches, body aches. And those just add to the fear and anxiety you already have!

What the hell!!!

So the first thing I want to help you do is differentiate if you are anxious or truly fearful. That means that you need to look at the facts! God I love that word! Facts! When we get anxiety or fear we tend to go into what I like to call a hallucination. We build on the facts of what we know and start to imagine all the worst that can come of it. So the very first thing you need to do is STOP! Stop and look at the facts about what you are afraid of. IN THE MOMENT! Not what could happen next. This means that you really need to see if the facts are valid and true for where you are and what you are experiencing. Or are you looking into an imaginary crystal ball and trying to tell your future. For instance.. valid fear.. I lost my job… valid fear… I need to see how to pay my bills. Invalid fear and future telling… Oh my God, I will never get another job like this one. Who’s going to hire me? I am going to lose my house. Oh gees, my girlfriend will leave me now for sure!

OK seriously? Do you see what I am talking about with future telling? All this person knew is that they lost their job. Who’s to say if they won’t get an even better one? Who’s to say that they won’t end up getting paid twice as much and loving it even more? But the fear cycled into dread and a huge wheel of suffering.I love to say to my clients, ”Wow, if you have a crystal ball and can tell the future you really can make a fortune! What are you afraid of?”

Now why is it that when fear overtakes us we tend to cycle into more and more fear? My best answer is because you have not yet trained your defense mechanisms into positive thinking. Yup. The old…the glass is half full versus half empty. After all, if you really don’t know the future why would you constantly choose the worst case scenario? Because you are allowing the fear to snowball out of control!

STOP! Then look at the facts and only the facts! Stick with the evidence that you have before you. And that may mean that you only have today to look at!

Today! Now that brings me to your NEXT TIP!! Stay in the present! What are the facts today? What are the good things you know today that can help you navigate the fear? Look at your support system; human, financial and otherwise! Look at the people who are there for you! Then put a plan into action. Fear will freeze you from action. Don’t let it. Come up with a plan! Look at how many times you have survived a challenge in the past! How have you gotten through it before?

But most importantly, look at you and all you have to offer the world. When fear or anxiety overtakes us the worst part about it is that we lose track of all that is true about who we are and all that we have to offer those around us and the world. Fear becomes this black curtain that stops us from seeing reality. And the worst part is that the reality that gets lost is who we are. All of the beauty that is us. All of our past learning lessons and our massive moments of growth. When we are in fear we forget. We forget the beauty and the strength that got us to today in the first place.

So the first thing to do is reach out to someone who remembers. Someone you trust who knows you. It can be hard at first because oftentimes have you been in fear and tried to explain it to someone and they jump back with all of this positive stuff that they can see but you can’t? And usually it just pisses you off.

This is the moment that we have to trust those that we love more than we trust ourselves. Listen to the people that you trust to help you get off of the wheel of suffering. Now the FACT here is that it needs to be someone who is being compassionate about your fear, not judging you, but who you trust enough to help you see through the darkness and the fear. Someone who loves you and sees all of you.

HA! And someone with really good communication skills! Because sadly when we are in fear our communication skills go haywire. And on that note I want to remind you of one big pitfall. Often when we become afraid we don’t see those around us the way they truly are. We become harsher on those we love who love us. When you are anxious or afraid, one of your biggest challenges will be to NOT throw all of your negativity onto those around you. Now let me be clear! That doesn’t mean that you don’t turn to them for help! It means you don;t turn ON them when they do. They are not the mammoth chasing you. Try and remember that.

Big picture with all of these hints is that I want you to find some way to actually become aware of the fight or flight syndrome you are experiencing and control it so it does not control you. You have to get back into recovery mode. In recovery mode you will think clearer, problem solve better and your entire mood and body will change because of it. So reach out to someone who can help you do that. A friend, a therapist or counselor. Sometimes even your dog or cat will be the one to sit next to you and drag you back to the moment! Listen again to podcast episode 50. An animal can heal your soul. The thing about our animals is that they only see you and all of your love. And sometimes that’s all it takes!

Probably one of the best books ever written is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I am going to let a passage of his wrap up everything I just said and then some. Enjoy!

“IF YOUR OVERALL SITUATION IS UNSATISFACTORY or unpleasant, separate out this instant and surrender to what is. That’s the flashlight cutting through the fog. Your state of consciousness then ceases to be controlled by external conditions. You are no longer coming from reaction and resistance. Then look at the specifics of the situation. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do to change the situation, improve it, or remove myself from it?” If so, take appropriate action. Focus not on the hundred things that you will or may have to do at some future time but on the one thing that you can do now. This doesn’t mean you should not do any planning. It may well be that planning is the one thing you can do now. But make sure you don’t keep running “mental movies” that continually project yourself into the future, and so lose the Now. Any action you take may not bear fruit immediately. Until it does — do not resist what is.”

Be good to yourself this week! Drink lotsa water, eat nourishing foods and surround yourself with loving beings. Thank you for letting me into your life this week. And I look forward to popping back in again next week.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
February 20, 2021

54 Our Podcast Anniversary Lovefest

February 13, 2021 By Shauna

Hello and Welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman

I am so excited for this episode because Valentines Day is the one year anniversary of the launch of this podcast! One year! Wow… did I ever think when I started it that today would come? And…and… we hit 3000 downloads this week! That just blew me out of the water to think about. I started this podcast with the sole purpose of being able to help people on their journey to self-awareness. A journey that sometimes is so gentle and uplifting and other times can be so painful and hard. Every listener that I have is in a different place at the time they hit play on the podcast. But for me knowing that I could be there for you through this process is what brings me so much joy. And what you don’t know is how much you have been there for me! Every download, every like, every comment was a way for me to know I was helping. But it was searching for the theme of every podcast that was my own journey to awareness. Many times the topic for that week had something to do with something going in on my own life. Or something going on in the world that I knew if I discussed on the podcast it would bring me answers or insight that I needed. Working through it on the podcast with my listeners was like my own therapy. Other times the topic was brought on by an issue I was helping a client with. So I knew that if I could go into more depth on the podcast they would get more relief or answers.

I thought it may be fun if today if I took you on a behind the scenes tour of the podcast world… in other words…the journey to awareness of the journey to awareness podcast!

Ha… all of a sudden I thought of the song from The Sound of Music.. Remember the lyrics.. you start at the very beginning… a very good place to start… Well, the beginning of this podcast was truly inspired by my brilliant friend, Jody Colvard. Jody Colvard is the founder/ CEO of FMG Networks, Voices of Women, and The Podcast School, she is a powerhouse that empowers writers, speakers, and experts to share their voices and messages through podcasting, radio, and TV. And she truly inspired me and set me on the right track. I learned everything from her. She helped me get the website ready to launch. She is the brains behind all of the production of this podcast. and lucky for me, she taught me how to edit the podcast each week. Or more likely, lucky for her. Because this was definitely a work in progress! This podcast would not have happened, I promise you if it were not for Jody Colvard. So here, my Goddess friend, I say thank you!!!

I think what I want to share with all of you about this process is that I really knew nothing except my topic and I had my speaking abilities. But with the right support system, I went for it. I am sharing this with you because I hope it may inspire you to go after some dream you have that you may be clueless about how to actually do! I am hoping that you can believe in yourself enough to surround yourself with people who also believe in you and who have the knowledge you may not have. It really is ok to not be adept at something and still start it! We learn so much from our mistakes and every time we have a new accomplishment it is THE most empowering feeling!

Ha.. ok, that reminds me of an experience that we had with our Sailing instructor. Many of you know I am a sailor and love to use sailing analogies when I speak or write. Well, we were out on our boat the Illusion. I was having the best time and felt so confident. Then at one moment, I was about to tack…which means to change the sails so I can change the direction we are going. Then all of a sudden our sailing instructor said. “Wait are you going to do that?” I froze and said, ”Why? What? Shouldn’t I”. He said nonchalantly, “It’s up to you, you’re the captain.” Then I said, “But am I about to make a mistake?”. He answered,” I don’t know, try it, you’ll soon find out!”. OMG! Really? So, I really had to think it through and decide what to do. After a minute I realized that I did know the answer! And what I was about to do was totally fine! So, I did it and he laughed! Seriously I was like “You put me through hell for a moment!” His answer was “No… you put yourself through hell.”

You see, He was just empowering me to be confident in my choices. I had hired the best and he taught me right. At some point, I had to believe in myself.

I think we so often second guess ourselves and that stops us dead in our tracks. But when we are truly self-aware we can take a moment to check-in and see the truth within. We have the opportunity in every moment to put other people’s voices aside…or for that matter…our own negative voices… to find the answers within. And better yet to realize we already have them! Truly that negative voice is hella loud! We have to shut it down so we can hear that soft confident and honest voice that knows us better than anyone. The one that says yes! You’ve got this!

OK, back to this podcast. I had the best support system with Jody teaching me. I knew the knowledge I had to offer to my listeners and I just had to do it. So one year ago I decided to allow myself to NOT BE perfect! To allow myself to make mistakes along the way. And to allow myself to grow. But I could do it all because I had a mission to help people find happiness. To find those places within that need to grow. To find forgiveness for themselves and others and maybe to laugh along the way! Deep within me, I knew why I wanted to do this and all I had to do was start.

Ok back to the behind the scenes tour. After I record and edit the podcast, Jody takes it and adds the intro and outro, and uploads it into the podcast platforms and my website. And now it is out in the world! But how do people find it? Enter social media! OOOOh I must admit it is the weakest part of this process for me. I absolutely love making memes with my quotes or other people’s quotes. But that’s where it ends. So, I finally hired Social Media experts to do it right! Again! It was admitting that I sucked at something so I could get help. Wait a minute! I didn’t have to be a pro at everything? Uhhhh no. Now I have these two brilliant souls, George and Sam who do it for me. Ya know…It’s just fine to check your ego and get help! It’s also fine to let other’s be there for your dream as long as they believe in you and your message! “Hashtag…surround yourself with loving beings”.

But what I also learned is that it was word of mouth from my listeners and all of you sharing the podcast that made the biggest difference. I have people send a link to a friend who may need it or a partner who is not hearing them and they think the podcast will help. FYI- Biggest shared episode for couples. episode #39 The Art of Healthy Fighting. I have newly single men or women who are reinventing their lives. I have therapists and healers that share it with their clients. I have mom’s and daughters that listen to it together. This really brought me back to the WHY of this podcast. My purpose… the podcast’s purpose… to make a difference in people’s lives.

And THAT is also why the podcast had a massive name change and new branding. The initial name was Guy Free Working On Me, based on my book. It was for ALL women on their journey, whether in a relationship or not. It was meant to show that you need to find yourself whether in a relationship or not in order to find happiness. Well hell… a big lesson in branding there! It missed a whole audience I was trying to reach. Then I heard about so many men who were listening and that was it… name change to… A Journey To Awareness.

One of the things I have found fascinating is the way I can track the messages people need to hear by watching the downloads. The most downloaded episodes seem to track 2020 perfectly. My most downloaded episode was also the hardest one for me to do Episode #21 The Great Unlearning. It was recorded the week of the Black Lives Matter protests. So many podcasters went quiet that week. For me, I looked deep within to truly explore my own prejudices and where they came from. It was very hard to do but again…it was a podcast that by helping all of my listeners look within, I helped myself.

The second most downloaded podcast went up the week of the election. Episode #42, Calgon Take Me Away! HA! We all needed to take a deep breath and find a way to relax that week! It was funny because I was afraid to call it that for fear that my younger listeners may not get the reference. But I promise you I took many a relaxing bath that week! To this day it’s my favorite episode to send my clients to who are having a stressful week.

And right along with the world my last podcast of 2020, Episode #49 The Gift of Time is the next most downloaded episode. We all needed…and may STILL need a way to re-imagine 2020. What brought me peace was realizing that for so many of us 2020 was a gift of time to be with loved ones, not work so hard, work on ourselves, get creative and so much more. I hoped it gave my listeners a change in perception!

Now my most FUN episode I recorded for my birthday week. Oh, please, please, please go listen to it! Episode #30 “Your Wisdom Day. Ain’t It Fab?” I had such a great time rethinking what it means to get older. I imagined our lives if we could just have this counter that marked our wisdom growth versus our age, we would WELCOME that number going up! “Oh yes! Got through that fight and learned a lesson”.. DING DING DING Your Wisdom age has just gone up! It was really a fun episode for me. Feel free to send it to your friends on their birthday!

And then there are the episodes with a guest. I LOVE these! It is so much fun to hear their stories. It’s even more fun to share their wisdom, their books, their podcasts. Andra Millian, Acupuncturist healer… kicked me into gear on taking care of me. Victoria Fye, a therapist who with total dedication took 17 years to go after her dream of being a social worker and helping humanity. The fricking amazing LaVelda Conrad who shared her story on episode #11 about going from an abused woman, wife, and mother, through addiction to learning all about nature, wildlife, and herself as she became …wait for it…an African Safari Guide! Really I could hear her story of reinvention over and over again! Then there was episode 51 Sail Above the clouds with Carole Fontaine. OK… listen to it then go get her book!

There is nothing I love more than empowering men and women! Bring in Laura Piening to talk about Power on Episode #32, Episode 35 with Molly Lyda where she talks about women empowerment especially in the dating world. And then the quote-unquote “badass Britt Bolnick” who talks about success through perseverance. Truly this woman is badass and shows you how to be the same.

And that brings me back to this… the One Year anniversary of A Journey To Awareness. It’s Valentine’s Week. What if you made this week a lovefest to yourself? A lovefest to your own dreams? A lovefest that gives you permission not to be perfect? A Lovefest where you surround yourself with amazing humans who adore you and believe in you? A lovefest where you LOVE ALL of your imperfections and see them as an opportunity? An opportunity to truly get to know the you that is deep inside? A lovefest that says yes yes yes you are fricking amazing and with the right support and people surrounding you can do anything you dream of? A lovefest where you walk away from toxic relationships and rise up to say I DESERVE? A Lovefest where you stop judging your body or your age or your faults but instead ADORE all that your body can do for you… in all its nuances? A lovefest of the most magnificent kind!

And then with all of that love, you spread your gifts to the world. And more importantly… you receive all the gifts and the love the world has to offer you.

You know none of that list is unachievable. In fact, all of it is totally achievable! If you are willing to look within. If you are willing to take that beautiful magical and unbelievably healing Journey to awareness!

I love this quote by Oscar Wilde”To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”Happy Valentine’s week everyone! May the romance endure and fill your soul!

To all of you, my sailing partners on this journey thank you for allowing me to come along. Now go forth this week in self-love as you eat the most nourishing foods, drink lots of water, get so much rest, be kind to yourself, surround yourself with loving beings, and believe in your dreams!

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes
• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
February 13, 2021

50 An Animal Can Heal Your Soul

January 16, 2021 By Shauna

PODCAST NOTE:

This Podcast was recorded the day before the assault on our Capitol. There is no mention of that or what all of us have gone through since that day. I hope this podcast on how animals can heal our souls is a comfort to you now.

Stay safe, Shauna

WHAT THIS EPISODES ABOUT…

Hello and welcome, I’m Shauna Hoffman,

Happy 2021! We made it! We actually made it! 2020 Kicked off this podcast and all of the wonders that went along with it! I talked about it in the last episode of 2020, The Gift Of Time. I hope you had a chance to listen to it and realize the many gifts that you got in that last crazy year. If you haven’t listened to it yet, go for it! Because definitely, the pendulum is swinging!

And now I wish for you 2021, a year filled with so many wonders! Today I am talking about one of my most favorite wonders! Animals. Pets and their healing power in our lives. Many of you know that I am a mad crazy animal lover and rescuer. My social media feed is filled with lost dogs and forlorn cats needing homes. Or humans who are searching desperately for their lost animal or on the search for their forever new family member..four legs, tripod, scales, wings! I am really honored to say that I am the Area Coordinator for Southland Collie Rescue. Saving all the lassies in Southern California. So as you can imagine I have wanted to do this podcast all year.

We have all heard this one before, “I thought I rescued this dog, but it didn’t take long to realize that he was the one that rescued me!”

I have owned dogs and cats all of my life…or are they the ones who owned me?

I believe in reality neither is true. We have come into each other’s lives to share the love of human to animal and animal to human.

Isn’t it funny this thing called owning an animal? Sure, we are responsible for their upkeep, their health, food, medicine, keeping them safe with a comfy place to lay their head at night. But in all truth, their job is much harder. They make us feel loved with no judgment, they calm our hearts when they look in our eyes. They fill our homes with crazy antics, zoomies, upside-down cat sleeping, and hours of modeling for us that we can just take a nap if things get out of hand! They try to understand what we humans want from them when it truly is another language! And mostly, they make us feel worthwhile.

Animals don’t think about what we look like or our abilities, or our careers, or how big our yard is. All they care about is how you show them love.

I have so many rescue stories I could share of human saving animal and animal saving human. I have stories about my clients who have been in the midst of huge loss and the only way out of the sadness was with the love of an animal. I have stories of clients stuck at home alone in covid times whose only companion is that of a cat or a dog. And I know many of you have your own stories of how you saved some amazing animal and how they, in turn, saved you. And that is what brought me to this podcast today!

OK, let’s start here with some medical facts of how animals heal us every day. Let’s share a little science!

I am pulling these facts from pets.webmd.com.

Let’s start with what they say about Mood boost-

It only takes a few minutes with a dog or cat or watching fish swim to feel calmer and less stressed. Your body actually goes through physical changes in that time that make a difference in your mood. The level of cortisol, a stress hormone, lowers. And serotonin, a feel-good chemical your body makes, rises.

Yup. I know that so often I can be in the midst of a chaotic day and all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of my cat, Gypsy all curled up fast asleep. It’s like this magnet that makes me want to go over and kiss her. And all of a sudden the chaos slips away for a minute. Or I am stressed trying to get a podcast finished and my collie Treasure comes in and starts pawing me for attention. Or is it that she feels my stress and is trying to be there for me? At first, I feel irritated, after all, I am working! Then all of a sudden I stop and look at her and realize she is not the reason I am irritated. She is the reason for me to stop for a moment and reflect on what is important in my life. This is hysterical because that’s the goal of this podcast, self-reflection and self-awareness! Oh yes, sometimes it takes a pet to remind us of it all.

Here is another medical fact. Blood pressure.

Having a pet can help you manage your blood pressure. In one study of 240 married couples, pet owners had lower blood pressure and lower heart rates during rest than people who didn’t have a pet. Another study showed that when children with high blood pressure petted their dog, their numbers improved.

Our first collie, Marley, was a rescue dog who ended up being a therapy assist dog. I’m going to share a few stories about him on this episode, but in regards to the medical facts about stress hormones and blood pressure, I thought this one was perfect.

One of the places we would go to do pet therapy was to the emergency rooms at the hospital. We were all licensed and cleared with tetanus shots and more to be able to be there. When we first started going I thought it would be to support the patients. It didn’t take long for me to realize it was for the overworked, exhausted nurses and doctors. The minute we arrived they all would gather around us and start petting Marley. Being with this big furry collie was their moment to breathe, to smile, to take a moment for themselves to collect their wits to go back to the hard work they were doing. When we showed up in the ER it was like they were getting their own emergency help!

One of their survival tools is to shut off their fears and emotions to do the jobs they need to and fast. When Marley would show up it was a minute where they could allow their emotions to be felt. Many a day I would be taken aside by a doctor with tears in their eyes and a big smile of thank you. I was like…. don’t thank me! Thank Marley… this big furry Lassie come to life!

They say that another medical advantage of owning an animal, specifically a dog, or horse, or one that gets you out to exercise is that they can Lower Cholesterol.

pets.webmd.com

People who have pets tend to have better levels of cholesterol and triglycerides, compared to people who don’t. The reason for that isn’t clear.

OK, I don’t think it has ever stopped me from having all the carbs I love to eat. But having two collies has sure forced me out on some amazing walks. And talk about it changing my stress levels! Walking in forests, or beaches, or a park, or even down the street has been my life saver during these covid times! Not to mention how many calories I burn off getting up and down to let in and out my barking dogs!

I can go on and on about the medical perks of owning a pet. They Help Your Heart. web.md

People with cats and dogs may have some heart benefits. In a 20-year study, people who never owned a cat were 40% more likely to die of a heart attack than those who had. Another study found that dog owners had a better survival rate one year after a heart attack.

Maybe it’s tied into exercise or lower stress from sharing a life with a pet. But I believe it’s because our hearts are fuller with the love of animals. This is true for strokes, too. There is proof that cat owners have fewer strokes than those who have not owned a cat. For some reason, cats have a calming effect that makes a difference.

But let’s get to the best parts of having pets in our lives. They heal our souls. They give us unconditional love. They look into our eyes like we are their heroes when we are having rotten days!

I love this quote by the American Author, John Grogan “Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day. It is amazing how much love and laughter they bring into our lives and even how much closer we become with each other because of them.”

When I think of how many friends I have met in my life because of my animals or are still in my life because of them… it’s crazy.

One of the things that I have learned in rescue is the power of healing and resilience that animals have. I have witnessed some of the most heartbreaking rescue stories and have seen how with love… an animal can heal. I have two stories to share. The first is about Sophie. Sophie came to Mutt Scouts, a rescue I worked with, after living on the streets of Mexico. She was part bulldog and part pit we think. When she was found she was sleeping in a pile of garbage. Her body had been horribly abused as a bait dog and breeder dog. People would take her off the street and breed her, take her pups then throw her back. Her teeth had been filed down so she couldn’t fight back. Her life was so sad that even Dodo did a story about her rescue when Mutt Scouts saved her. But on my life, she was one of the sweetest dogs I had ever had the joy to help find her forever home. Oh, she was definitely a work in progress. She was defensive of other dogs from being on the street or in a fighting ring. But she loved humans. I mean how does that happen when it was humans that did this to her? I believe there is an innate quality in animals to trust. And with work almost any animal can get it back again. It may take time. but it happens. Sophie ended up being adopted by the most loving huge family! They spent thousands of dollars fixing her teeth and healing her soul. She is loved and in turn showers this huge family with so much love back.

I believe that we humans have this innate ability to trust too. Just like so many animals, many of us have been hurt. When I work with my clients I help them to realize that with love and safety they will learn to trust again. It is so much of the work that I do. And often the thing that helps a human gain trust again is having an animal in their life that shows them it is ok. Often this is the tool I assign to help them get past the sadness. Get something to love that shows you how lovable YOU are.

Let me repeat that….Get something to love that shows you how lovable YOU are.

Here is my favorite story about trust. It’s about our first collie Marley.

When we got Marley from Southland Collie Rescue he had been neglected and abused. When his owner moved he left him locked in the backyard alone. Somehow he got out and wandered the streets for months. He was finally saved when he walked into a shopkeeper’s store. He was dreadlocked and filthy. But by the length of his nose, she knew he was a collie. So Southland Collie Rescue was called. When we got Marley he was afraid of any loud noise, or a big stick. A baseball bat terrified him. And he refused to go into our back yard for fear he would be locked outside again. But every human he met he loved. We would go to the park and he would stand there and let ten kids pet him at once. So after lots of love, so much help from neighbors and friends to not be afraid of sticks, or rakes or sounds and with kindness and consistency, he flourished. Then one day we knew his path. He was to be a therapy dog. There is nothing like the soul of a collie for therapy work. Their herding breed instincts are to protect the little lambs of the world and that’s what they do with their humans. The show Lassie was not far off from the truth.

One day we went to a hidden home for abused women, mothers, and their children. I would always bring a short leash for the kids to walk Marly, while I actually had him attached to a longer one as I followed behind. There was the sweetest little 3-year-old boy who we met that had been terribly abused by his dad. His mom asked if he could walk Marley. Of course, I said!

So we started on a nice gentle walk around the house. After about 10 minutes the little boy stopped, kneeled down, kissed Marley on the head, and said: “I love you, Marley”. All of a sudden the mom grabbed him and started crying! The other women in the place came running over. I had no idea what was going on. Then they told me. Abuse had scared this little boy into silence. He hadn’t spoken a word in the 4 months they had been there. The first words he spoke were, “I Love You Marley.” Well then I started crying and smiled the biggest proudest smile at Marley ever. They kept thanking me! Again, I said, don’t thank me. Thank Marley. You see the soul of an abused now healed dog just started healing the soul of an abused little boy.

Ok, I admit that every time I tell that story I cry all over again.

There is a book by Jennifer Skiff called The Divinity of Dogs: True Stories of Miracles Inspired by Man’s Best Friend. In it, she writes this.

“Dogs, for a reason that can only be described as divine, have the ability to forgive, let go of the past, and live each day joyously. It’s something the rest of us strive for.”

The resilience of animals can teach us so much about life and forgiveness and hope. And truly about love. They can drag us out of depression by bringing us that damn ball over and over again until we finally just laugh and give in! They curl up with us when we are lonely and make us not feel so lonely any more. They make us feel wanted and deserving and adored even when we can’t find that for ourselves. And when they are sick and we feel so helpless… they teach us what is really important in life! We pray to a God we may have forgotten about for a while. A sip of water or a spoon of food that they eat makes us filled with hope and joy! And when we lose them to the animal heavens or rainbow bridge, or wherever else we believe they have gone… they teach us one last lesson. That love is so much deeper than possessions and titles and money and things. And the love of an animal is one of the purest kinds of love you can have. And we give thanks for the precious time we shared.

Emmy Lou Harris said this: “Animals have a much better attitude to life and death than we do. They know when their time has come. We are the ones that suffer when they pass, but it’s a healing kind of grief that enables us to deal with other griefs that are not so easy to grab hold of.” Thank you, Emmylou Harris.

And that’s why with time and with our own resilience and in memory of our beloved pet we choose to do it all over again!

Aaah the healing power of animals!

For many of my listeners, your life is not conducive to having pets right now. But if you still crave an animal hit then volunteer with a rescue. Whether it’s a dog, cat, horse, wildlife, bird sanctuary or any animal that steals your heart, try to volunteer. And you don’t have to go and be with them. So many rescues need people who are internet savvy and can network dogs or accountants to oversee their spending… or or or! There are so many animals that need the help of loving humans. And you may find that there are so many humans that need the help of that one very special loving animal. And most importantly you may find that by giving back to animals it fills a piece of your soul that you didn’t even know was missing.

If you need some extra animal-loving hits grab a book like Cat Tails or More Cat Tails by my rescue friend Jeffyne telson, founder of Resqcats in Santa Barbara. Or one of my favorites. The Art Of Racing In The Sun by Garth Stein. Then there are classics like Black Beauty and my all-time favorite collie stories ever written by Albert Payson Terhune, Author of Lad A Dog and so many more. All of his books were the inspiration for my undying love of collies.

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Charles Yu, “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”

Happy New Year, everyone!!! Remember to be good to yourself. Drink lots of water, eat nourishing foods, get lots of sleep, and surround yourself with loving beings. And remember, just remember that those loving beings may have 4 legs and a tail.

Thank you for letting me into your lives this week and I look forward to popping back in again…next week!

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CONTENT DISCUSSED…

• A Journey to Awareness Podcast: All Episodes

• Shauna’s website: https://www.workingonme.com

WHEN DOES IT AIR…
January 16, 2021

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