I heard this quote by Teddy Roosevelt and I knew it was going to be the next topic for us to delve into this season. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What an unbelievably profound statement that is. In truth, how can we even compare ourselves to anyone else on the planet? Every single one of us has different talents, history, different upbringing, education, intelligence, different dreams, different relationships and different families! How can we possibly compare ourselves to someone else when all of those things make us who we are? Listen in and let’s discover the answer together. Ready? Let’s go…

SHOWNOTES:

Hello and welcome to A Journey To Awareness. I’m Shauna Hoffman. I heard this quote by Teddy Roosevelt and I knew it was going to be the next topic for us to delve into this season. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  What an unbelievably profound statement that is. In truth, how can we even compare ourselves to anyone else on the planet? Every single one of us has different talents, history, different upbringing, education, intelligence, different dreams, different relationships and different families! How can we possibly compare ourselves to someone else when all of those things make us who we are?

So I thought a lot about that statement. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we compare ourselves to someone else, we usually only have two outcomes. One we either feel drastically better than another human being, or two, we feel less than. There’s definitely a level of arrogance when we think that we are better than anyone else. And deciding on the other end, that we are not as good as someone else, well it can only affect our self worth, self image and our self-esteem. So this became a really interesting topic to dig into on today’s podcast.

Obviously, there are lots of places in our society where we are compared to other people. We have to be compared to others when we’re up for the same job, or if we are trying out for a team or a play. Of course we will be compared to other people. But there’s a difference when other people compare us then when we compare ourselves.

Actually its not if we compare ourselves to others. It’s how we compare ourselves to others. It’s the things we believe about ourselves, the things we say about ourselves that steal our joy. This is what I believe is the crux of that statement, “comparison is the thief of joy.” If we are comparing ourselves to others and it brings us unhappiness then we need to look deeper at why.

The more I thought about it the more I realized in order to find happiness in comparisons it’s not others that we should be comparing ourselves with, but we should be comparing ourselves to the person that we want to be.

When we compare ourselves to others, we often focus on what we don’t have or what we haven’t achieved. This can create a feeling of lack or inadequacy, even if we’re successful in our own right. And the worst part is you are taking away all of your focus on getting better, or learning about the thing you want to achieve. Remember, no two people are the same. Each person’s journey is unique and how you got to this place in life is never the same as how someone else got there. Your skills and someone else’s skills and your experience, and someone else’s experience are never ever going to match. So to judge yourself, or make a comparison like that, it’s not only illogical, but it can only create unhappiness.

Why? It diminishes our Self-Worth. Constant comparison can erode our self-esteem. When we’re always measuring ourselves against others, it’s typical that we overlook our own strengths and accomplishments. And the worst part about this is that self worth and self esteem are the two things you need to become better at anything!

So it’s this nightmare catch 22.

Think about all those movies where the underdog wins in the end.  Inevitably there was a coach, or parent or teacher or neighbor that helped them believe in themselves. So what if that voice is your own telling yourself how amazing you are and you can do anything?

Comparison limits our gratitude! Let’s talk about keeping up with the Joneses. It’s when we compare what we have in life to what someone else has. Comparison of things and accomplishments shifts our focus to what we lack rather than what we have. What we can’t do as opposed to what we can. It definitely steals our ability to feel grateful for the blessings and achievements we do possess.

This next idea is what I consider one of the most detrimental affects comparisons have on our happiness.

Comparing ourselves to others is huge fuel for envy and jealousy. And wow, that eats away at our souls. Instead of celebrating others’ successes, some people choose to feel resentful or bitter. Well, there is no way that this is conducive to a happy mindset.

So that brings me to this. Some people would rather use other people’s success as fuel for their own unhappiness or failures then to take a look at themselves and see what they need to do to change, or what they need to learn, or what they need to let go of, in order to finally succeed. Playing the martyr is easier for them than doing the work it takes to look deep within and make changes to bring happiness to their lives!

There is a spiritual belief that if you wish someone else lack or failure you are actually claiming that you shouldn’t have that success either. The truth is there’s always someone richer, smarter, or more successful than you. If you can see their success as a goal for yourself and proof that it can happen, then That will bring you more energy towards your own success then envy ever will!

So, now let’s talk about some of the wonderful ways and reasons to compare ourselves with others. There is a beautiful thing called healthy competition. That’s when your desire to succeed is matched by the joy that you get from seeing others succeed. It’s not about winning in the end. So often it’s about gaining other things like learning more about something, or attaining better skills at what you want to do. Basically, it’s a mindset that’s focused on growing and not just winning, but becoming better at something! And there’s no question that this kind of good sportsmanship breeds joy, excitement, and happiness.

I have found that in all truth, this has become even more difficult in this day and age, because we are living in a world of social media where we can see every single thing that someone else achieves, or buys or travels to, or does with their life. But if we could look at each of those things and see them as proof that we can do the same then that’s what will bring us hope for our own success.

So, I want you to think about the following the next time you’re in competition with someone for something. Regardless of what you get in the end, try practicing gratitude. Focus on what you’re grateful for no matter what happens. This will shift your perspective from lack to abundance!

I always like to celebrate the win and loss of any competition that I may find myself in. The first way I do that is realizing that if I’m even in the place that I’m at, competing with someone for a better job or position, it must mean that I’m pretty damn successful myself. If not, I wouldn’t even be considered in the first place.

I think one of my favorite parts about realizing that I don’t want to compare myself to others is the joy of celebrating my own individuality. It’s the joy of recognizing everything that makes me different from anyone else. It’s the joy of understanding that in each moment I can choose to embrace everything positive about myself, and I can embrace everything I might need to change or learn, in order to become better at something, or just a better, happier human. It’s the understanding that just because someone else has something, in truth, I might not really want it in the first place! If I take myself out of competition with others, then the only thing I have to bring me joy is my own self growth, my own learning experiences, and my own successes.

Well, ain’t that one way to take back control of your life!

So here’s a list of wonderful ways to change the channel in the music of your soul if you are feeling all of the unhappiness around comparing yourself to someone else.

First of all practice gratitude. Focus on what you’re grateful for in your life and be grateful for all of the things that you have achieved in life.

If you are one of the people who find unhappiness by too much social media use, then limit it! Don’t allow yourself to compare your life to people you are reading about online. I want you to set your own personal goals. I don’t want you to define your measure of success based on anyone else’s. Base your success on your own values, your own interest and your own aspirations.

Celebrate your differences! Realize that every person has their own journey and there’s absolutely no point to comparing your journey to theirs.

Most importantly, cultivate self compassion! Treat yourself with so much kindness, and even more understanding! Choose the words you say about yourself very carefully. Choose loving kindness towards yourself!

I came up with this topic this weekend because I watched a movie on Netflix called “The Beautiful Game.” It was about the international homeless soccer competition. It was such a beautiful story that exemplified absolutely everything I talked about on this podcast. This is actually a true competition that takes place every year. The star soccer player in the film had to fight all of his own demons around comparing himself to others, whether in life or on the field. He was one that was taking the arrogant way of looking at himself in competition with others. He was better than everyone else. As you can guess the story all came back to what he really felt about himself!  I don’t want to tell you the end of the movie because I hope you watch it yourself. But, suffice it to say that it showed everything about the beauty of healthy competition and how it can change your soul.. if you let it.

Thank you, Teddy Roosevelt, for the quote “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I hope each of us can look deeply at ourselves and realize this profound truth and that we have the power to change the rhythm in our souls.

To all my beautiful listeners, please be gentle on yourselves surround yourselves with loving beings… who believe in you. Look in the mirror and see everything about yourself that is grand, successful, and glorious! Thank you for letting me into your life this week, and I look forward to popping back in again next time.